Lady Patsy's Chambers

New Beginnings …

2011-12-22T11:19:00.003+07:00

We’re almost coming to the end of December and it’s coming to that time of year again, when we search the drawers for our journal that was thrust into the deep corner, dust off the cover and peek inside to see the New Year resolutions that were enthusiastically jotted down at the start of the year. A list that holds our dreams, hopes and aspirations …

To each of us the resolutions may have differed - health & fitness, personal development, career, relationship, financial success etc. However, as we now ponder over our list of 10 resolutions or more, we’d probably realize that we barely made it past the first one or two.

Our intentions are always good, no doubt – we seek for ways to improve ourselves and we always like to find a significant date to start something new … so why not the New Year? Unfortunately we sometimes look at the larger picture … we’re too ambitious and want to do things on a large scale instead of taking baby steps. In the process, we end up putting undue stress on ourselves … we end up with unfulfilled promises.

I do admit that for many years, I’ve also been guilty of the same. I start off with noble intentions and somewhere along the way, I digress … I give up and I go back to being my old self. Maybe it’s because my resolutions were never my ‘own’ to begin with – it was probably ‘thrust’ upon me by some well meaning family member or friend or colleague who in all genuine concern believed that ‘these’ were the things that I should change about myself – my weight, my appearance etc; that these were the dreams and ambitions that I should resolve to achieve; that this was the financial plan I should work on; that this was the attitude I should adopt in order to be happy or to find that someone special …

Then one day I just told myself that it’s not necessary for me to make any ‘New Year’ resolutions. It’s not necessary for me to strictly adhere to or confine myself to a list of ‘do’s & don’ts that’s written in black and white. I can start with small manageable things like changing my attitude; being nicer to people around me; learning to be more patient and understanding; being a good friend; spending more time with my family and loved ones; managing my time more productively; sharing my talents more generously; being kind in thought, word and deed; deepening my faith and prayer life etc. And of course not neglecting my health and general well-being so even if the gym or a hard work-out is not my cup of tea, I can begin by going for walks and keeping active in simple enjoyable ways. I don’t have to go on a ‘salad only’ diet but be more conscious of the types of food I consume. Yes, and I can still indulge in that occasional ice cream or chocolate cake or candy bar and not exceed my limitations.

I’m not saying that we should stop making resolutions – yes, sometimes we do need resolutions to keep us focused … but it should not be at the expense of our happiness, our freedom or even our individuality. So when you sit down to plan your Resolutions for 2012, remember these words by Barbara de Angelis, “No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.”

Happy New Year folks and may each one of us be blessed with all that is wonderful in 2012!

Of Tamil Serials and Real-life Situations

2011-07-18T07:41:00.004+07:00

I’m a Tamil serial addict … blame my mum for that. Well initially I used to get irritated whenever mum sat down to watch all these serials … oh btw she has sole rights to the TV from 6.30pm to 11pm every night (to watch the news, a couple of health/social documentaries and the Tamil serials), with the exceptions of weekends when I get to watch my favourite programmes … and that too because the serials only run from Mondays to Fridays. And yes, mum gets the TV back around 4pm for the Malayalam movies on Saturday and the Tamil movies on Sunday.

Ok back to my irritation and eventual addiction … at first I used to leave mum alone to watch her serials in peace while I went upstairs and surfed the internet. I tried to watch some of the serials but I would get angry at the sheer absurdity of what was going on. I mean really … the romance, the parents who are against the relationship, the baddie (usually a male or female who is in love with the hero/heroine but was rejected and is now out to extract revenge .. yes they do have female baddies too), the henchmen (usually of dark complexion, long unkept hair and the ability to whisk out a parang from the back of their shirt without even so much as a nick), the friends of the hero/heroine who will go to great lengths to help them out whenever they are in a jam, the policemen who arrest and beat up the good guys just because some baddie (who is usually rich and powerful) told them to do so, the doctors who refuse to treat a patient unless you show them the money first or who refuse to admit someone who has been beaten up/stabbed/shot/tried to commit suicide … because “this is a police case”.

Eventually I realized that I was being selfish. Mum is alone at home all day and deprived of company and looks forward to my return after work and the times that I used to sit and watch the serials with her, she loved to keep me up to speed about what was happening. Soon I started to join here and got caught up with the plot … of course I would still point out everything and anything that didn’t make sense and the fact that most of the heroes/heroines in these serials had a martyr complex … I mean seriously … someone financially ruins your entire family, causes you to lose your job/have a miscarriage, tries to kill you, tries to kill your husband/wife, gets you arrested on a false murder charge, causes a rift between your siblings/partner and you, kidnaps your child … you get the picture … and the person in question remains unruffled and is so ready to forgive and forget!

Another thing which continues to baffle me is the ability of the baddie to repeat word for word a private conversation that took place between the protagonist and someone else regardless of which part of the world the conversation took place, hence providing the baddie with the upper hand to always stay one step ahead in his/her quest for revenge. Oh yes and how can I forget the ‘stupidity’ of some people who when confronting the baddie, will tell him/her exactly in detail what they are going to do, i.e. I have evidence against you which I’m keeping in my bedroom in the brown oak cabinet in the 3rd drawer underneath my pile of sarees and the key for the cabinet is hanging on a chain around my neck and I’m going to pass this evidence to the police and make sure that you go to jail etc etc (of course if this evidence is in the form of documents or photographs, the protagonist neglects to make copies and so if the baddie decides to steal it, we’re back to square one).

And then we have the parents who will go to great lengths to stop their beloved child (this is the rich family) from getting married to their one true love who just happens to be poor or from a different caste etc. Heck, one father even went to the extent of killing his daughter just because she married a poor fella. To this father, honour was more important than anything else. Of course we can easily say that this is just TV – not reality. Sad to say, some of it is based on real life.

I’m sure all of you would have read about honour killings that take place in India, Pakistan and many Middle-Eastern countries or would have heard about parents/relatives who were against love marriages.

And this brings me to the actual reason for this blog posting. My friend Laura* has been in a relationship with David* for about 2 1/2 years now (names have been changed to protect privacy etc etc etc). She is quite sure that this is the man that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and so has introduced him to some of her close friends and her family. Now David on the other hand, has yet to publicly acknowledge Laura as his girlfriend. Although Laura has been to his house and met his parents, it was always under the guise of “she’s just a friend”. The reason for David’s hesitancy is that his mother has a vision of how her future daughter-in-law should be and I guess that Laura does not fit into this mould. David is the only boy in his family and the mother wants to ensure that the future generation comes from a certain ‘good stock’.

I’ve never met David’s mother personally but somehow she sounds like one of those mothers from the Tamil serials who will be totally against her son’s choice of a life partner. In fact she has even gone to the extent of selecting several prospective brides for him (complete with photo and biodata etc) and asked him to choose. What irked me is that when David’s mother asked him if he was seeing anyone, he didn’t have the guts to say yes – I mean … hello … you have been with this girl for more than 2 years now … what’s your problem?

The way I see it, David is either scared shit of his mother or he’s not really sure if Laura is the right one for him (although he always tells he that she is the one).

Anyway to cut a long story short, Laura has finally given David an ultimatum – “Tell your parents (particularly mummy dearest) about me or I’ll walk”. I know that in the event David goes against his mother’s wishes and marries Laura anyway, his mum won’t actually resort to murder or anything of that sort, but she will probably be upset and may cut ties with their son – and that’s what Laura doesn’t want. For her, it’s important to have the blessings of both families.

What I don’t understand is why parents feel that they have the right to decide whom their child should or should not marry. If the person they are in love with is a good, honest person who will make their partner happy, why stand in their way? Why should your child marry someone just because you think it is the right choice for them? After all, your time will soon pass and your child is the one who’s left behind to spend the rest of his/her life with this person. Even if he/she makes a mistake in choosing a life partner, let it be … ultimately it’s their life, not yours, so don’t turn their lives and yours into a Tamil serial.

Obsession? Lust? Desire? Love?

2011-03-02T20:35:00.008+07:00

I’ve just finished reading a book called ‘The Chocolate Lovers’ Club’ by Carole Matthews. Some women are addicted to shopping; others can’t get enough of diamonds, but the four characters in the book – Lucy, Autumn, Nadia and Chantal – can’t live without chocolates – rich, creamy, delicious chocolates.

Call them passionate, call them addicts, the four women form a select group known as the ‘Chocolate Lovers Club’. Whenever there is a crisis, they meet in their sanctuary, a café called Chocolate Heaven. The book is basically about these four women who are from totally different worlds but united in their passion for chocolate.

While reading the book I couldn’t help thinking that there are actually people
out there who just can’t live without a daily dose of chocolate – just like people who can’t go through a day without smoking a cigarette.

Is chocolate something to fear - is it really a curse?
Is it something to be avoided, or is it much worse?
Or... is chocolate the eighth wonder? Is it a total delight?
Something you savour for so long? Or love with all your might?

So is eating chocolates really an obsession? Most of us just love chocolates. In fact chocolate is the most frequently craved food in women, and many women describe themselves as ‘chocoholics’. Chocoholics insist that it is habit-forming, that it produces an instant feeling of well-being, and even that abstinence leads to withdrawal symptoms.

Although some people like to say that there are similarities between eating chocolate and drug use, generally researchers believe that chocolate “addiction” is not a true addiction.

While chocolate does contain potentially mood-altering substances, these are all found in higher concentrations in other less appealing foods such as broccoli. A combination of chocolate’s sensory characteristics — sweetness, texture and aroma — nutrients, and chemicals, together with hormonal and mood swings, largely explains chocolate cravings.

Let’s just say that eating chocolates puts us in a better mood - keeping us in touch with the child within. Whether it is peanut butter flavoured chocolates, chocolate covered raisins, or creamy white chocolate, we will be experiencing utter satisfaction when we indulge ourselves. It's hard to explain, but only true chocolate lovers will understand this. But let me try to explain anyway.

Is there anything more delicate and romantic than chocolate? Its mysterious, it’s heavenly, it brings a smile to our face and a song to our lips.

What do most of us turn to when we are tired and need to recharge our bodies? The alluring and yummy chocolate of course!

Very few people do not actually like chocolate. It is almost a heresy! They are perfectly conscious about the delicious taste of chocolate, but they just cannot savour it and I pity them because they are missing out on one of the greatest gifts of all!

There is a wide variety of chocolate types on the market today; they suit every taste and each personality - Hazelnut chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, fruit chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, semi-sweet chocolate, white chocolate, oh, I can go on and on. You name it - there are plenty of varieties and assortments that will surely suit your taste and you’ll find your favourite - even if we cannot like all of them just the same.

Chocolate often represents a very nice gift especially for the fair sex, because the magic of a well-made chocolate is very much associated with the feminine charm and touch.

I just love chocolates! We were created to savour every single moment of our life! So, no wonder that when exhausted, we most certainly turn to chocolate for comfort. It puts our natural balance back on track and surely tastes so good … a real pleasure!

Can anyone describe the taste of chocolate? Yes, I think we can … yet when you think about it, “you have to taste it and you’ll know” sounds more realistic then all verbal descriptions. Chocolate is meant to be eaten, not talked about! That’s the best part after all!

What if ... I had married you?

2010-11-09T16:32:00.003+07:00

I met up with an old friend recently. We used to go out … many moons ago … when I was in my 20s. We enjoyed each other’s company and didn’t have any major issues with one another then. He was nice and likeable and a perfect gentleman. He was hard-working and knew what he wanted out of life … a great career and a great family life, i.e. wife & kids. Somewhere along the way, he had equated me into his perfectly balanced life.

Unfortunately, I was still young and marriage was the furthest thing from my mind at that point in my life. Since I could not give him what he wanted, he started seeing other girls and eventually met someone and settled down. We kept in touch off and on – the usual birthday, Christmas and New Year greetings and the once in a while ‘Hi how are you doing’ call.

After numerous promises of catching up in person, we finally managed to get together. He hadn’t changed much – still the nice, likeable, perfect gentleman. It was quite easy to just catch up on stuff. Of course he wanted to know why I was still single after all this time … I had no plausible answer because I have now come to the stage where I don’t want to make excuses for myself or for others.

I don’t know … maybe he was trying to convince me how great being married was because he couldn’t stop talking about his wonderful wife and kids and how much meaningful his life was now. I was happy for him … truly … but what he said next was quite unexpected. He told me that he had often wondered what it would have been like if he had married me. While he went on to assure me that he loved his wife etc, he was often besieged by this thought about ‘us’ and what might have been.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say because I had long given up on thinking about guys who may or may not have ‘slipped through my fingers’ as one of my friends nicely put it. Yes I met quite a number of interesting guys over the years … but for some reason or other, marriage was not on the cards … either for them or for me … for one reason or other.

I feel that there is no point looking back and asking myself whether I had made the right decision in letting them go. What’s the point of wondering what my life would have been like had I become Mrs So-and-So … I am not, so there!

Anyway, for old time’s sake, I just sat back in my chair, looked at my friend and tried to imagine what it would have been like if I had married him. I tried to imagine a life with him and as much as I liked him and as much as I think he would have made a good husband, I just could not picture the two of us together.

Has it ever occurred to him that the reason why I may ‘appear’ to be attractive, enticing, sexy, funny, intelligent, confident etc is precisely because I’m no longer within reach! Remember the saying … A forbidden fruit often seems much more tempting just because they are forbidden!

So instead of sitting and wistfully day-dreaming about a life that could have been, we should appreciate the life we are leading now and give thanks for what we have been blessed with. As for me, I’m looking forward to what surprises life has in store for me. So now excuse me while I go sit by the window in case my Prince Charming happens to pass by.

Not quite over the hill yet!

2010-04-21T09:01:00.010+07:00

I’ll be turning 45 this September – yup I belong to that category of women who will boldly shout out her age from the mountain top. I mean what’s there to be shy or embarrassed about? After all, everyone will grow old one day and it will be much easier if we learn to accept and deal with it now itself, instead of going into a denial mode.

Have I led a much fulfilled life? Well to be honest, I wish there were some things that I could have done when I was younger and there are some things which I still hope to do someday. There are some choices that I wished I had made and some that I wish I hadn’t.

Who know? Maybe my life would have taken an entirely different path had I made some different decisions and choices in life. I won’t lie and say that I have no regrets … I know I do, but I have come to accept who I am, what I have become, the road that I have chosen and where it’s gonna lead me.

Over the years, I’ve met many interesting characters, made new discoveries, learnt new things and experienced both the bitter and sweet that life has thrown at me. All of this I regard as invaluable experiences and memories and believe that everything has happened for a reason.

What next? I honestly don’t know. Will I become an award winning author? Will I strike it big and become a millionaire? Will I end up as a cat woman? No, not that cat woman from the Batman movie, but a ‘cat woman’ as aptly described by my childhood friend, Kim Lean.

Kim Lean had this interesting post on her Facebook one day, which inspired me to write this new posting for my blog. This is what was on her blog: To all those single girls out there, has this ever crossed your mind that you need to find someone fast before you become one of those women who dresses up their pets and calls them her 'children'...and is known as the 'cat woman' & scares away the neighbourhood kids???

Well this was a scary thought, but I knew that I would definitely not be known as the ‘cat woman’ because I prefer dogs to cats anytime (grin). Anyway coming back to my story, this was cause for worry, but then again, do I really want to marry someone just because I’m afraid that I would end up lonely and bitter?

I know of people who got married because they did not want to be left on the shelf. Some are having a happy married life, but there are others who are now paying the price for making that decision out of desperation.

People still tell me, even today, that the reason I’m still single is because I’m choosy, picky, fussy etc etc etc. Well, I don’t have a very long check list of the criteria that a man must meet before I’ll agree to marry him, but there are certain qualities that I hope he would have and I’m quite certain that he too would have certain expectations of me.

Is my ‘Mr Right’ or my ‘Almost Mr Right’ out there somewhere? I really don’t know. If my ‘ideal man’ turns up when I’m in my 50s would I still want to get married? I really don’t know. But if I do, it will be because I have chosen to do so and not because I’m desperate to do so.

Yes I do admit that loneliness does seep in sometimes and then I would long for that special someone. But I’m certainly not going to put my life on hold and wait for my knight in shining armour to ride in and sweep me off my feet. Life goes on and I intend to enjoy each moment that I have with my family and my friends and I will continue pursuing my other dreams.

And to that person I’m fated to be with, ‘Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped and asked for directions … as it is you’re already 15 years late!’

Looking for another kind of hero

2010-01-10T15:37:00.004+07:00

Now I know why I’ve always been putting off writing my blog … its because sometimes one just can’t think of what to write. Well, that’s not entirely true … there are many topics in my head but they all seem to be in bits and pieces and putting them together just seems to be too much effort! Blame it on my lazy genes.

On the other hand, I could always write about the ‘hot topic’ of the hour. But then again I would have to find some angle which no one has talked about and that too would take so much effort. You can blame it on my laze genes again!

Someone who read my blog sometime back (back when I used to update it regularly) said that he was not really impressed by it because ‘it lacked substance’ as I only seemed to be talking about men and relationships. Well, that is not entirely true. I do occasionally write about other stuff as well. When I started this blog, I had no intention of making it a political platform. I leave that to people who are more well-versed on the subject and even if they are not, who seem to have a great passion for it. As for me, I write about my own experiences and my personal take on life. I don’t write to impress others.

Yes, maybe my blog does smack more on men and relationships. Well I’m certainly no expert on this subject but I have gone through enough and seen enough to be able to write about it. And it remains very much a part of my everyday life … simply because I’m still open to relationships, some of which have ended amicably, others bitterly and yet others in beautiful friendships.

Over the years, I have come across many types of men – some of whom you would never have even thought existed! But I take it all in stride and consider this as an adventure. Its amazing how much you can learn about the opposite sex on a single date.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t date men for the sole reason of finding a partner and getting married (that will be another topic for my blog). While I have many girlfriends, I realise that I don’t really have that many male friends whom I can consider friends without any romantic liaisons.

I would seriously love to have some guy friends with whom I could hang out with, without worrying whether he’d want to kiss me at the end of the day. It would be nice to go out for a movie with a guy and be assured that he has no intention of holding my hand or groping me inside the dark cinema. It would be nice to have a guy friend who would double-up as my ‘date’ when I need to attend a social event with a partner and don’t want all those ‘pitying’ looks from people if were to walk in alone.

It would be nice to have a guy friend whom I could call anytime I need someone to talk to, because I’m going through an emotional phase and need a calm, stable, reassuring voice to knock some sense into me. Who better to turn to than a guy when I just can’t fathom the male species and need a guy’s perspective? And not forgetting the occasional warmth embrace that only a man can give to make a woman feel like a little girl again.

So that’s why this year I’ve decided to focus more on finding myself some male buddies rather than get entangled in a romantic relationship. But of course if that knight in shinning armour does come along, he’ll have to get through my buddies first before he can even attempt to rescue this damsel!

I'm in charge of my own happiness!

2009-01-03T17:23:00.000+07:00

It’s the beginning of a new year, and for most of us it marks the start of a new chapter in our life … one which we hope will have a happy ending. What do most of us hope for at the start of a new year? The most common wishes are for health, wealth, happiness and love. And yes, I’ve received many well-intended wishes of “May you find the man of your dreams this year”.

My love life right now is non-existent and I really don’t know if I need one. It just seems that all the good men are taken or married. And I have met quite some interesting ones who might be great to date, but when it comes to love, it has to be the right guy; someone who’s romantic, intelligent, with a sense of humour and really, personality overrules good looks for me.

But for now, romance can wait. I have different priorities. Life is too short to waste time and I intend to savour and enjoy each moment of it. I want to forget issues of the past and focus on the present and the future. I want to stop being envious of others and be thankful for who I am and what I have. I want to spend more time with my friends and loved ones because I know they will always be there for me.

I want to stop dreaming and start doing. I want to seriously pursue my ambition of writing a book and seeing it published. I want to travel and see the world. I want to smile and laugh more. I want to do something good for others. I want to wake up each morning and thank God for yet another beautiful day.

No, this is not a New Year resolution but merely creating my own happiness and taking charge of my life. Yes, I believe this is going to be a good year indeed!

Mr Right ... He's worth waiting for!

2008-05-27T11:23:00.006+07:00

The first question almost everyone asked me when I returned from my overseas holiday was whether I found that someone special while I was there. Well … seeing that I was only there for 2 weeks coupled with the fact that I was not exactly on a husband-hunting mission, I’m afraid that I disappointed quite a number of romantic souls who were quite certain that I’d meet my Mr Right during my trip.

Of course I’ve heard of numerous holiday romances – how single girls go to some foreign country and end up meeting their future spouses. Well good for them and while I admit that I occasionally feel a tinge of envy when I hear such stories, I’m certainly not going to loose any sleep over the fact that I returned home empty-handed (with the exception of the souvenirs, of course).

I’ve often asked myself when will I ever meet that elusive Mr Right, or if I’ll ever meet him. When I was growing up, I had this romantic fantasy of a beautiful wedding gown, a handsome groom, a lovely church wedding, joyous music and songs and where everyone would be so happy for me. Years went by and I stood aside while my friends started getting married one by one and starting their own family.

Slowly that fantasy started to fade away bit by bit and if you ask me today, I can honestly tell you that I can’t remember what that beautiful gown looked liked or what music was it that I had wanted for my wedding. In fact, I vaguely recall ever having such a fantasy because it has receded into a far, distant place in my brain.

I am not bitter or miserable when people so much younger than me share their joy and happiness in having found the love of their life or talk about their wedding plans. Yes, I’m happy for them … happy that they need not go through that uncertainty of life – that uncertainty of wondering if they will ever find the right person.

At the same time I feel sad when I see couples taking their relationships for granted. I ache inside when I hear people say hurtful things about their partners over trivial matters. I feel like screaming at them and telling them that they are lucky to even have someone in their life – and that they should respect and value that person.

My well meaning friends who were so sure that I’d be among the first to get married are surprised to hear that I’m still single. At first they show me sympathy, then they accuse me of being picky and finally they move on to telling me that I’m lucky to be single and not saddled with a husband, kids & in-laws.

At times I do count myself lucky to be single and enjoy the freedom that I have and at other times I feel lonely and wish that there was someone special in my life. And I do sometimes worry that age is catching up with me and wonder if I’ll spend my golden years alone in some home for the elderly.

But once again, I’m not going to loose any sleep over this and am gonna take it one day at a time. If my Mr Right is out there somewhere, he will find me someday … and I’m going to wait patiently because if he is the ONE, then he’s definitely worth waiting for. And if for some reason God did not allocate a Mr Right for me, I’m gonna continue enjoying being who I am because there is still a purpose to my life and I intend to fulfil every second of it.

How y'all doin'?

2008-05-03T22:54:00.003+07:00

I am on holiday. I have nothing to say. Back to you Jacqui. :P

Voice of the People

2008-03-10T09:22:00.004+07:00

Vox populi, a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people, has finally found a place in the annals of Malaysian history. For the first time since independence, the ruling party which has until now stood on solid ground found itself clawing desperately to victory on a shaky foundation. Albeit a bitter victory which saw the toppling of many of its old warriors and the unfortunate sacrifice of many of its young ones.

Although what has taken place in our country will not be termed as a ‘revolution’, it is indeed a ‘revolution’ of sorts. History teaches us very important lessons about governments and people uprising.

For example, the French Revolution (1789 to 1799) was a major transformation of the society and political system of France. During the course of the Revolution, France was temporarily transformed from an absolute monarchy to a republic of theoretically free and equal citizens.

The effects of the French Revolution was widespread, both inside and outside of France and Revolution ranks as one of the most important events in the history of Europe.

During the ten years of the Revolution, France first transformed and then dismantled the Old Regime, the political and social system that existed in France before 1789, and replaced it with a series of different governments.

Although none of these governments lasted more than four years, the many initiatives they enacted permanently altered France’s political system. These initiatives included the drafting of several bills of rights and constitutions, the establishment of legal equality among all citizens, experiments with representative democracy, the incorporation of the church into the state, and the reconstruction of state administration and the law code.

In sum, the French Revolution did many things, unleashed new forces, destroyed old ideas, offered new promises. Not the Revolution itself, of course, but the people who made it.

The key phrase here is “the people who made it”. It is important for the Government, any Government for that matter, to listen to the voice of the people or ultimately suffer the dire consequences – a bitter lesson that has recently been learned here in our country.

Without the people, the government is nothing but without the government, the people have proven and will continue to prove that they are still a force to be reckoned with.

Malaysians have finally awakened from the slumber of their ‘tidak apa’ attitude. They are no longer willing to ‘close one eye’ to what is happening around them. They are no longer willing to give in to threats of “if you don’t like it, you can pack up your bags and leave”. The Government are our chosen representatives and they should listen to our grievances. We have a right to expect a well-structured and efficient system and our Government should not be afraid to fight for equality and fairness.

People do not make noise for no reason. There is always a reason, no matter how small or trivial it may seem. What sometimes begins as a whisper, will turn into a mummer and then a buzz and before you know it into a loud united voice. Some leaders unfortunately have once too often likened the voice of the people to that of the annoying buzz of a mosquito and simply flick their wrist in the hope of driving the mosquito away.

And when this happens, the people realize that they have no ‘official’ avenue to air their grievances and grouses and so resort to other means of communication like the internet- the blogs, the blogs and through street protests. But even when these measures are dismissed as ‘lies’ and ‘out to cause trouble’, the people turn to the last resort and perhaps most powerful weapon of all – the votes.

Former Selangor Menteri Besar Datuk Khir Toyo so aptly and symbolically presented inefficient departments with the broom as an indication that they needed to clean up their acts. Now the people of Malaysia have through their recent votes given a clear indication to the Government that they have to clean up their act or risked being “swept off from power”.

Perhaps this lesson has come a tad too late for Barisan Nasional, but there is still hope and room for improvement if they want to continue ruling the country after this next 5-year term is up.

So its time you came down from your high horses and listened to the grass-roots. But if you continue to ignore the voice of the people, then the people won’t be so forgiving the next time. It is we the people who have voted you into power and it is we the same people who can vote you out of power.

Pssst ... have you heard the latest?

2008-03-05T21:15:00.007+07:00

Name-calling, mud-slinging, malicious slander, accusations, denials, scandals, gossip … no, I’m not talking about the latest soap-opera ala Dynasty or Dallas that has hit our TV network, but the high-fevered election campaign that is currently taking place.

Am I shocked by all this? Certainly not! In fact it has become a great source of amusement for me and I’m happy to say that I now leave my house with a smile every morning after reading the newspapers.

It is quite obvious that the word ‘integrity’ appears to be a foreign term or even a missing element in many of our candidates regardless of which party they belong to. Yes, one must campaign to ensure that the voters will vote for him or her, but stooping low to do a character assassination on another person or back-stabbing someone is certainly not the right attitude to have for someone who hopes to represent the masses or who hopes to lead the country.

We always tell our children that it is wrong for us to talk bad about someone or to lie about something. Even religion teaches us to differentiate what is right and what is wrong. For example, Christians are taught that it is a sin to ‘Bear false witness against our neighbour’ and likewise I’m sure that the other religions have similar teachings or commandments. Well, how then are we going to explain all these slander and accusations etc that appear in the newspapers every day? Yes, some of us can easily say that this happens all over the world. But why would we want to ape the world in doing something that should not be part of our culture?

Why is it impossible for candidates to have faith in their own ability and base their campaign solely on their experience (if any), their capabilities and on what they can deliver, if elected.

On another note, I am also amused at the numerous complaints being hurled at the candidates. ‘Why is the drain clogged?’, ‘Why is the rubbish by the roadside not collected?’, ‘Why are more youngsters involved in crime?’ When we point a finger at someone, we have to realise that three fingers are pointing back at us.

Why do drains get clogged up? It’s because WE throw all sorts of rubbish in it. Why is there so much rubbish by the roadside? It’s because WE dump the rubbish there. ‘Why are more youngsters involved in crime? It’s because WE as parents are too busy to spend time with our kids or to find out what our children are up to.

The election is not only a time of soul-searching for the candidates alone.
Can we honestly say, hand on heart, that we have truly been law-abiding citizens? That we have always strived to keep our environment clean? That we have been socially and morally conscious of our obligations? That we have never offered a bribe, that we have never resorted to paying some under-table money for a favour, that we have never parked our cars illegally, that we have never purchased illegal VCDs, that we have never broke traffic rules, that we have never jumped queues, that we have never cheated anyone … the list goes on.

Dare we be like William Shakespeare who said, “The good I stand on is my truth and honesty.”

When 'X' marks the spot

2008-02-25T21:45:00.001+07:00

My e-mail in box has been assailed with numerous messages from countless concerned Malaysians telling me whom I should or should not be voting for.

I’m really amazed to discover that we have many brilliant citizens out there who have taken the time and trouble to gather data and figures in terms of economic, socio and financial standings of each religious and ethnic group in the country.

These groups of people have proven to be more efficient than all the government agencies put together in terms of being able to provide the public with the most up-to-date information.

Apparently we have such hard working, meticulous persons in our midst, who are fully aware of what is going on in every nook and corner in the country. Now if only these people had come to the forefront and offered themselves as candidates for the elections, then I would most certainly have voted for them.

Based on the information received, it would appear that the ruling party had not being doing such a great job – hence the call for a change. But at the same time, I also noticed that no information was forthcoming about the other parties who had won parliamentary and state seats. It would have been of great help if these people had listed down all the wonderful things that the Opposition had done in their respective constituencies as opposed to the ruling party.

At the same time, I also received e-mails urging me to vote for anyone else as long as it was not BN. Now wait a minute – aren’t we coming back to square one? If I was going to vote for just any Ali, Ah Chong or Muthu, what guarantee is there that this person, when he wins is going to be any better than the person who held this seat before him.

Yes, it’s a gamble we take when we mark the ‘X’ on the balloting paper. Someone who promises to fight for a certain cause/ethnic group in his election campaign may not end up fulfilling his promise. There is no guarantee and unfortunately there is no law that holds him to his numerous promises.

Our duties do not end at the polling station. We the people have the right to ensure that our elected representatives fulfil their obligations during their five-year term. We must act as their voice of conscience and ensure that there are checks and balances. If we wash our hands and take on a ‘tidak apa’ attitude or tell ourselves that there is not going to be a change, then there will be no change.

I fully agree with the American critic, Alexander Woolcott who said, “I’m
tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it”.

Happy New Year Everyone!

2007-12-31T13:11:00.001+07:00

Santa's in town!

2007-12-17T14:35:00.000+07:00

I'll be quite busy this next couple of weeks (Santa dropped by - as you can see), so would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Breaking free from “the world owes me” mentality

2007-11-28T23:23:00.000+07:00

I am a first generation Malaysian Indian. My father came to Malaysia from India in search of a better life. He left behind the security and comfort of his home land, his family, his relatives and friends because he truly believed that Malaya (as it was known then) was a land of opportunity. This country, he told himself, would become his new home. No one forced him to come, no one coerced him to come – it was a personal choice.

In time, my father sent for his bride to be and my mother too came to this unknown and foreign land. They soon settled down and started a family, which would grow over the years to include seven children.

Life was not easy here. It was a struggle but my father persevered. He could have easily thrown in the towel and pack up his family and leave for his familiar home land as did many others, but he did not. Yes, he faced many kinds of trials and tribulations – financial woes were aplenty and discrimination at the work place was rife. But he took it all in stride. This was his homeland now - both my parents had given up their Indian citizenships and were proud to call themselves Malaysians and they were willing to withstand whatever life.

My father has since passed away. Since coming to Malaysia, he only visited his country of birth on two occasions – the last one was just a couple of months before his death. My mother on the other hand, returned to India only once and it has now been more than 40 years since her last visit. When I asked my mum if she misses the land of her birth, she said that except for wanting to visit her siblings over there, she is quite content in remaining in Malaysia as this is her home now.

I am not afraid to admit that growing up in Malaysia has not been a complete bed of roses – there have been numerous ups and downs, many instances of discrimination and injustice but I have learned to accept it in my stride. Many a job has slipped from my fingers not because I lacked the qualifications or experience but simply because I am the wrong colour. Yet discrimination comes in many forms – so it will be unfair for me to only highlight the racial discrimination that still exists in this country – we face discrimination in many places – in our places of worship, amongst our own ethnic community, in the workplace, gender discrimination etc.

There are many like me who have faced walls and barriers and there are many like me who have picked ourselves up from the dust of oppression, put a smile on our face and marched on with determination. I don’t hold my parents responsible for the struggles I face in life and I don’t lament that the world owes me a living.

I know of many people who have pulled themselves out of the depths of poverty through sheer effort, hard work and determination and who have made something of themselves. While it would have been easy for them to start pointing fingers and blaming everyone else for the sad state of affairs, they have chosen to channel their energy into something worthwhile and make something of themselves.

Then there are those who use their talents in helping others – in bringing a positive change to a particular group or community. They are aware of the many shortcomings in legislative measures and government funding, so instead of merely making noise about the situation, they chose to do something about it as well.

If we believe that our community has remained at the bottom of the ladder all these years, then perhaps its time we asked ourselves why. Have we allowed ourselves to remain in the shackles of ‘colonisation’ and hoped that someone would hand us the key or have we attempted to break free? There are many success stories amongst the Indian community – numerous rags to riches stories – so why do we continue to sit and wait for hand-outs when we can fend for ourselves?

Let’s face it – there is no one government anywhere in the world that is perfect. If there were, then there certainly would be a mass exodus to that Utopia. However it is not impossible to reach this Utopia – all we have to do is free ourselves from this “the world owes me” mentality and learn to help ourselves.

Let me leave you with this quote from the great Mahatma Gandhi: “Rights that do not flow from duty well performed are not worth having.”

It’s Raining Men … Allelulia!

2007-10-08T06:56:00.000+07:00

There have been many men who have walked into my life. While some have left, others have remained and these are some of the ones whom I hold dear to me and whom I love unashamedly. I love each of them differently and for different reasons. They have all touched my life in their own way and together they have made me feel totally complete … how could a woman ask for more?

Phillip was among the first who came into my life and I love him for having helped me to nurture my talents. I love him for his welcoming nature and for his sometimes wicked sense of humour. I love him for his quiet gentleness and for his fatherly wisdom. I love him for being able to be a friend and a counsellor to all who seek him. I love him for his empathic nature and for his ability to sometimes see beyond rigid rules and regulations. I love him for showing that it is possible to be detached and yet care for someone deeply and I certainly love him for being that strong solid rock and safe haven who I can always count on.

Then there is Rawi – a character unto himself whom I love for his boisterous nature and for his “I don’t care what the world thinks of me” attitude. I love him for his ability of not letting trivial things bother him. I love him for always seeing the good in everyone and for believing that each person deserves a second chance. I love him for being able to put aside his differences and stand up for his contemporaries when the need arises. I love him for his tolerant nature, for his patience and for being able to put up with all my idiosyncrasies over the years and I love him for always being there for me.

What would I ever do without Gerard? I love him for being my own personal punching bag when I need to vent my frustrations. I love him for his welcoming smile, for his great warmth and his unselfish love. I love him for his wit and his sarcasm under which lies a heart of gold. I love him for not being judgemental and for his often non-committal remarks. I love him for knowing when to be silent and for knowing when to give advice. I love him for giving people that space and freedom to grow and for allowing them to make their own mistakes and learning from it and I love him for his quiet strength and gentle assurance and the knowledge that he will never neglect me especially in my time of need.

I love Mari for his persistence in reaching beyond the barriers of distance and silence. I love him for being able to see the unspoken words in a person’s heart and for sensing the hurts that assails one’s soul. I love him for his curtness and for his in your face attitude. I love him for his great insight on life and for his ability to weather all types of adversities. I love him for being able to accept his own weaknesses and for seeing life as a blessing and I love him for accepting me the way I am.

Chris is like a breath of fresh air in my life. I love him for his “nothing gets me down” attitude. I love him for his sunny disposition and for his endless enthusiasm. I love him for being down to earth and for his practical perspective on life. I love him for his child-like qualities. I love him for his reassuring spirit and for his calm, gentle manner and I love him for being able to uplift my spirits whenever I am down.

Nourishment for my soul – this is what Clarence means to me. I love him for his boyish innocence. I love him for his intellectual stimulation as well as his unspoken cynicism. I love him for his ability to calm a troubled soul and bring them gently back to the fold. I love him for his charm and also his aloofness at times. I love him for his quiet, dignified manner and for his level-headedness and I love him for his calm presence in my life.

I love George for his stubborn streak and for the many upheavals he brings into my life. I love him for the way he stands up to me when I am in the wrong. I love him for the many misunderstandings that we have encountered, because it has humbled me. I also love him for his charitable nature and for his fighting spirit. I love him for his determination and for his ability to accept and overcome the many obstacles of life. I love him for his quiet nature and his gentle approach and I love him for his sturdy presence in my life.

Terrance is like a gentle breeze on a hot, sunny day. I love him for his calm, gentle demeanour. I love him for always looking on the bright side of things. I love him for his quiet acceptance of life and everything that has been thrust on him. I love him for his ability to turn every hardship or disappointment into a blessing. I love him for his contemplative nature and for his quiet words of wisdom. I love him for thoughtfulness and his compassion and I love him for knowing how to soothe my bruised soul.

Edwin is a man of few words, but his thoughtfulness is immeasurable. I love him for his patience and for his tolerance. I love him for putting up with my insecurities at times and for his understanding. I love him for his distant yet firm hand of friendship. I love him for his quiet assurance and I love him for always being when I need a shoulder to cry on.

Yes, there are other men in my life – but that’s another posting – some other day but for now, these are the men who have been with me on my many journeys of life. Some have been there for years and others have come in more recently – and I thank God for blessing me with each and every one of them and I just wanna say this: I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

I’m in love again!

2007-10-01T22:11:00.000+07:00

I’m in love again!

There’s a spring in my walk, a song in my heart and a smile on my face. I feel as if I’m sweet sixteen once again. What brought about this transformation you may ask … its simple actually … I’m in love again.

I don’t know when or how it happened, I just know that it was love at first sight. My thoughts, my feelings, my actions are centred around my love. I am consumed with such a great passion, that it is burning me alive. I thirst so much and can only be quenched by my love.

I was hesitant at first … I did not want to get entangled in this relationship because I know that it will only cause me a lot of heartache and pain at the end of the day. But I was just too weak to resist. My body and soul held only one desire and I could not fight it off any longer ….

True Love is the place that many seek,

many people call it life's highest peak,

Its truly blind to coldness,

it is peaceful, interesting and divine,

sometimes it seems so hard to find.

But when true love is found,

you know in it you'll always want to be entwined.

With wisdom we learn truths,

We know that 'Looks' are not important,

and know that a good heart matters most.

When love is sought in silly superficialities,

the only thing that's found is emptiness,

Love does not want superiority,

respects the difference in equality,

It is not cruel, arrogant, or mean,

True Love is kind, caring, considerate and clean.

True Love is not found with lust or power trips,

it can't be found in butts or hips.

It isn't found in muscles, height or boobs,

It can't be found in body gaps.

Its forgiving but it learns from the past,

True Love is sympathetic and it lets you be free,

anyone who knows true love... will agree.

True Love lives in caring and sharing,

that I can guarantee and swear.

True Love is giving but not excessive,

True love listens well and is expressive.

True love is just and wise,

it doesn't allow unfair abuse,

that comes from crazy girls or guys,

True Love really can live alone and still feel love,

It usually chooses to share itself with others,

it fills you with comfort,

it always lives... its always love.

Yes after many years, I’m tempted once again, my love has come a calling and to my lips it speaks ,,,, its temptation I just can’t resist … I must indulge, I must give in … and on my hips will lie the sin of my temptation for all the world to see … a few minutes of pleasure will end in months of shame.

I mean seriously folks, I’m sure many of you just can’t resist the simply mouth-watering Ice Kacang … shaved ice topped with sweet corn, black jelly, cendol, red beans and attap chee (palm seeds), drenched with rose syrup, gula melaka syrup, condensed milk and evaporated milk! Its simply heavenly and yes, I’m in love again with the wonderful Ais Kacang and so what if I’m gonna add on a couple more pounds?

Advice for a new bride

2007-09-28T12:48:00.001+07:00

My colleague Mei Fern is getting married tomorrow (29th September, 2007) and its gonna be easy for me to remember her anniversary next year and the year after … and the year after that … and the subsequent years coz its just two days after my birthday.

Being attached to a Public Relations firm, Mei Fern is quite lucky that her boss (who also happens to be a close family friend) and her colleagues were very much involved in the planning of the wedding. I think all new brides will attest to the fact that planning a wedding can be quite a headache and sometimes even filled with much tears and frustration. Suddenly everyone is an expert on weddings and wants to jump onto the band wagon of dishing out unsolicited advice.

While looking out for a nice wedding poem to enclose with the card for the bride and groom, I came across this interesting and humorous piece of advice for a new bride. Its such a classic that I just can’t resist sharing it with everyone.

This of course is one piece of advice which I’m sure Mei Fern is most certainly NOT going to be following.

Anyway Mei Fern and Chun Mun, here’s wishing you both much joy, happiness and great adventures as you embark on this new journey together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a reprint of an article in The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894:

Instruction and advice for the young bride

On the Conduct and Procedure

Of the Intimate and Personal Relationships

Of the Marriage State

For the Greater Spiritual Sanctity

Of this Blessed Sacrament

And the Glory of God

by Ruth SmythersBeloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers,

Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church

of the Eastern Regional Conference

Published in the year of our Lord 1894

Spiritual Guidance Press, New York City.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Instruction and advice for the young bride

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth.Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it. It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home. Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.

A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.

Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

She should be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he is huffing and puffing away. Above all, she should lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright 1894 The Madison Institute

Turning 42 ...

2007-09-27T08:04:00.000+07:00

Turning 42 and loving every moment of it!

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Yeah yours truly just turned 42 and as much as I would like to say that I’m going out to paint the town red, I won’t. I woke up, came to work in the morning and will be going straight home after work in the evening. Have my dinner, watch a little TV and go straight to bed. No fuss, no fanfare … just another ordinary day.

It's not that I don’t believe in celebrating birthdays etc, but I guess I’ve just reached a stage in my life where my priorities have shifted greatly and I’ve learned to accept life one day at a time.
The 40's have impacted my identity by helping me find out how strong of a person I am. With all my trials and tribulations that I went through and am still going through, I feel stronger every day. I never knew that I was this strong of a person and so self determined. And I never knew there were so many tough bridges to cross, but I have crossed them and made it over to the other side.

Just last month, I went back to a full-time job after having had a relaxing 5 months or so at home. Given a choice, I would have loved to continue working as a free-lance writer but certain financial commitments did not allow me to do so for too long.

The company I joined is wonderful – the work is not too stressful and both my boss and colleagues are wonderful people and I enjoy the working environment.

It so happened that after I joined this company, I received two job offers with a higher pay, a senior designation and great perks. In the past I may have immediately grabbed either one of the jobs, but when I received the calls, I was not hesitant in turning down the jobs simply because I am happy here. Although I am not denying that money plays an important factor in my life, I realized that I would rather place personal happiness above monetary gain. I’ve passed that stage in my life where career comes above everything else.

I’ve also come to realize that at this age, I’ve broadened my views about a lot of stuff and I don’t find it strange that I can hang out with a bunch of 20-somethings and have a good time and that I can have a leisurely lunch/dinner and great conversation with someone in their 60s or 70s and have an equally good time.

Being in my 40s has also helped me to accept my physical appearance. In the past I would have been too concerned about my looks – wishing that I had a 36-24-36 figure etc and not an inch of fat on my body. Surprisingly I find that I can still feel sexy and attractive with my grey hair and my pear-shaped body – I am no longer inhibited by the way my figure is and have no need to camouflage it by wearing loose, baggy outfits.

So what if my breasts have begun to sag a little bit; so what if I don’t have a flat tummy and so what if my flabby thighs will wiggle and shake when I get into a swimsuit. I’ve learnt that if you are confident about the way you look, then that confidence will convert itself into beauty which will be seen by others and I’m not ashamed to brag that men still find me attractive – flab and all.

I know that my body will soon be assailed with all sorts of aches and pains that women in their 40s can look forward to. I’m not worrying my life away that I’m still single and my biological clock is ticking away. I’m not afraid of menopause and am being positive about having hot flashes. You are as old as you feel and I still feel like I am in my thirties or 20's.

Yes I guess this is what growing older is all about – its about enjoying life and learning to accept it one day at a time. So once again, Happy Birthday to me!

Long Sabbatical

2007-08-16T11:52:00.000+07:00

Man is so made that he can only find
relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.
- Anatole France

My dear friends and readers,

Lady Patsy's Chambers will be closed for an indefinite time. Before I take leave, I would like to thank you for your support, encouragement and friendship.

I will return ... someday.

It ain’t over till the Fat Lady sings

2007-07-06T02:37:00.000+07:00

A friend of mine (of course after this fiasco I really don’t know whether I should still call her my friend). Anyway this “friend” of mine wanted to introduce me to her new colleague who happens to be from North India.

I wasn’t really interested but she was so persistent and said that he wanted to meet new people etc and so I thought to myself why not … it would be good to widen my circle of friends (which by the way has been seriously slashed down – only the genuine ones remain now).

She was telling me what a nice person he was, good looking ala Mr Bollywood (think Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan, Abishek Bachan … you get the picture), friendly, charming etc. At the same time, I guess, she must have also been doing some marketing on behalf as well. Well, what I did not know was that she had also showed him a picture of me (a group photo taken a while back).

My friend passed my e-mail address to him and one fine day I get this e-mail from Mr Kiran (that’s his name). After the usual pleasantries, he mentioned that he saw my photo and these were his exact words to me: “You are quite attractive, but you look heavier than me.”

What was this guy thinking? Had he already envisioned trying to carry me across the threshold or had he gone a step further and was thinking of the ‘woman on top position’? I mean what did my weight have to do with him wanting to have a friend?

Here he was, a total stranger, and he had the audacity to pass a disparaging comment about my weight. Who the hell did he think he was?

I admit that I certainly do not have the figure of a beauty queen but I certainly do have curves in all the right places and I am not going to apologise for that.

What is it with men and their obsession of pencil-thin women so much so that they don’t even want to be seen in the company of girls who are on the heavy side?

Have you ever seen the paintings by Michelangelo or Rembrandt? Have you noticed how well endowed the women in those paintings are?

I came across an article about this African painter, Aka Augustin Kassi who is well known for his paintings of ‘big’ women.

Here is what he has to say about them: God has created fat women, painting them is my way of celebrating and appreciating them.

Yes, there is a difference between fat and obesity. In various cultures world wide, certain amount of plumpness signifies prosperity and security. So it’s okay to be healthy and plump – it’s beautiful. And I’m not going to starve myself just because some jerk thinks that I look heavier than him.

I’d like to leave you with this poem by Tracie Brown who just sums it up beautifully:

BIG AND BEAUTIFUL

I'm Big and Beautiful
I am proud to be me
I'm happy the way God made and shape me

I may not be Skinny, Slim or Trim
but baby, I'm not trying to be like any of them.
I'm Big and Beautiful that's who I am

I never question my Size or my Weight
I'm Big and Beautiful
And still able to get Hot Dates.

I love me!
And a Big, Beautiful, Queen I am
Even if I'm not very Slim.

I love my Curves and my Big Golden Brown Thighs
No one can handle this if they tried.

I'm Big and Beautiful
What a honour it is to be me
Even if I don't have the Perfect Body.

I may be a Little Hippie with a Little Extra Meat
But men would consider this to be a Delicious Treat!

I may not have a Six pack or meet Society Standards
but this Big, Beautiful Sister can surely handle hers.

- Tracie Brown

Tagged - Hi 5 Meme

2007-07-01T19:37:00.000+07:00

And the lucky number is 5 …

Okay, looks like I’m into the tag business again. Kayatan tagged me on this Hi 5 meme … so here goes

5 things found in your bag

1) My house keys … I try not to leave home without them. Otherwise I usually end up waiting till my mum gets out of the bath … coz no matter what time I get home on the days I forget my keys, that is the exact time when my mum is having her bath. Go figure …

2) An umbrella … as the saying goes, when it rains it pours … have experienced walking in the rain and getting totally drenched. Of course, I never managed to pull off that “wet look” like Bo Derek in the movie “10”.

3) A packet of tissue …. Ever had a day when you were sweating like a pig and had totally nothing to wipe the sweat off from your face? And you find it so tempting to just wipe your face on your sleeve or just lift your blouse and use it like a handkerchief.

4) I’ll lump all these under one item – lipstick, compact powder and comb … the days when I happen to forget my comb are the exact days when my hair gets blown all over my face thanks to a gush of wind.

5) A book … our public transport system is so “super efficient” that I usually have to kill time, so a book comes in handy (beats having to watch someone pick their nose)

5 favourite things in your room

1. My ever so inviting bed … every time I see my bed, I just want to lay down and take a snooze

2. My collection of books and magazines … JT now you know where most of the novels from that Central Market second-hand book store have gone to

3. My soft toys … Hey just because I’m in my 40s doesn’t mean that I can’t still be a little girl at heart

4. My collection of books and magazines . . . (yeah I know … but I have so many lah!)

5. My laptop . . . my latest extravagance

5 things you’ve always wanted to do

1. Write a book

2. Visit Italy and experience a holiday romance … if you can’t fall in love in Italy, then you definitely can’t fall in love anywhere else in the world (this is my theory lah!)

3. Go on a round the world trip with JT . . . it will be fun, just the two of us. Am sure we will have a whale of a time. Now all we need is the money!

4. Visit some exotic island in the South Pacific and write a book while I am there … have this theory once again, that I will be inspired to write a book when I’m relaxing in such a place.

5. Spend a couple of months doing missionary work in some poor country … have always wanted to do, and hope I will have the opportunity to do it some day

5 things you are currently into

1) Blogging
2) Reading
3) Free lance writing
4) Gardening
5) Taking life one day at a time

5 people you WANT TO tag

1) JT
2) Elviza
3) Winniethepooh
4) Princessjournals
5) Ms J

A tag for charity

2007-06-28T12:09:00.000+07:00

I was tagged by JT who was tagged by Ruby Ahmad, who was tagged by Raden Galoh, who was tagged by Idham. Anyway, he is planning to compile as many tags/memes as possible by 26th August, for which every tag/meme, he will contribute RM127 to Darul Izzah Orphanage. The meme is about completing at least seventeen out of the following twenty seven sentences.

Okay looks like its time to finally join in the tag-game. I plead guilty to not having fulfilled my tag on previous occasions … sorry JT and Daphne, but since I was told by JT (who phoned me personally all the way from Germany) that this tag is for the benefit of orphans, I shall do my part as well. So here goes (prefer to do it with a touch of humour, though .. :)

1. A person is only as good as ... long as he/she does not hit his/her friends for a loan.

2. Friendship is always ... great while you still have money. Once you’re broke, your friends will dump you.

3. To love is to ... act like a walking, talking, breathing fool!

4. Money makes me ... wonder why I don’t have any.

5. I miss ... when I used to be a 36-24-36 (way back in the 80s)

6. My way of saying I care is by ... ignoring you and giving you lots of space to get over whatever it is that’s bugging you right now.

7. I try to spread love and happiness by... staying away from the rest of the world.

8. Pick the flowers when ... you discover that you have a pollen allergy.

9. To love someone is to ... make a complete, utter fool of yourself.

10. Beauty is ... when you manage to beat 50 other contestants and have the crown on your head.

11. When I was 13, what I remember the most was ... thinking what was the big deal in turning 13.

12. When I was 21, I remember... thinking what was the big deal in turning 21.

13. I am most happy when ... people I hate are miserable.

14. Nothing makes me happier than ... seeing that what goes around comes around.

15. If I can change one thing, I will change ... the way some people look and wipe those damn smirks off their face.

16. If smiles were ... a dime a dozen, then I … would be in abject poverty.

17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could ... have less dumb Presidents in some parts of the world.

18. If you want to ... flatter someone.. then you have to ... be absolutely good in “sucking up”.

19. Money is not everything but ... if you have it, then you can rule the world.

20. The most touching moment I have experienced is ... when my favourite character in a soap opera I was watching died.

21. I smile when ... I’m up to no good.

22. When I am happy, I ... make sure that others are miserable.

23. If only I don't have to ... do this damn tag ... then... I could be doing something else.

24. The best thing I did yesterday was ... shove that person who was trying to shove me while we were trying to board the bus.

25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title ... “FINALLY”

26. One thing I must do before I die is ... tell certain people what I really think of them.

27. Doing this meme, I feel like ... JT owes me big time! So I now pass on this tag to Daphne Ling. Have fun girl!

We all need a little magic

2007-06-24T18:16:00.001+07:00

Yours truly was busy these couple of weeks in the world of Harry Potter. I had to persuade my nephew to lend me the entire collection and just managed to finish all 6 books today. Yeah, yeah I know … most of you are over and done with it and are eagerly awaiting the so-called final book which should be out next month.
Well, don’t forget that I’m the Queen of Procrastination, plus I’m the type of person who likes all the hype to die down before I venture into something … why be one the crowd?
Anyway I must say that I enjoyed the stories despite the fact that some of us have been warned by certain religious authorities of the evil lurking behind them. To me, they are just stories – something to while the time away and yes, maybe even a brief opportunity to escape into a world of fantasy.
How many of us have wished when things go wrong as they often do, that we had those little wands that we could use to make everything right again. How many of us wished that we could have a little “magic” to have that “oh so perfect life that we dreamed of”.
Yes, we could all do with a little bit of “magic” in our lives, and believe me its possible if we put our minds to it. I’m not talking about the “magic” of wizards, witches and fairies but I’m talking about the “magic” that resides in each one of us.
I’m talking about the magic of kindness, the magic of generosity, the magic of friendship, the magic of love, the magic of honesty, the magic of reaching out … and the list is endless.
If we can make just one person feel better by using the magic inside us, then we have certainly achieved a lot – we can erase loneliness, we can take away pain, we can bring joy, we can fill hearts with hope.
So who says we needs wands and spells to fill our lives with magic? We have the power, use it wisely and unselfishly – we could all use a little magic in our lives.

Who am I really?

2007-06-14T12:03:00.000+07:00

“Describe yourself,” said the lady seated across me during the interview. Describe myself? What exactly am I supposed to say, I thought to myself. I’m sure she’s not asking me to describe myself physically – I am sitting right in front of her, so she knows what I look like.
Am I supposed to talk about my academic qualifications, my abilities, my hobbies and my work experiences? Well, they were already stated in my resume and she has just gone through them one by one.
This was truly an awkward moment. Here I was trying to “sell” myself as a writer and I was actually at a loss for words.
What am I supposed to say? How does one describe oneself in a situation like this? I remember vaguely mumbling something … there were pauses in between during which I was trying to rack my brains and think of something interesting to say. It was then that it occurred to me that I truly did not know myself. Ask me to describe my friends, my family, places of interest I have visited, my experiences, my favourite food etc and I bet you I can fill countless pages. But ask me to describe myself and I’m simply stuck!
How do I describe myself so that people can see what is inside my soul? How do I describe myself so that people truly understand who I am? How do I describe myself without the benefit of my qualifications and experiences?
This question has been plaguing me for the past couple of days. And I’ve been wracking my brains trying to think of an ideal answer.
I like to think of myself as a silent observer in this great game of life. I can see myself as a little girl watching from an upstairs window as a noisy and colourful carnival passes by in the streets below. I want to go down and be a part of the crowd, but I’m too nervous and too shy. I dream of being a part of the carnival, but I know that I can never match the talent and the beauty of the group, so I remain upstairs, safe and secure in my little room and contented to watch the carnival of life go by.
There are so many things I want to do in my life. So many dreams I’d like to see come true. So many ambitions I want fulfilled. There are so many places I’d like to visit and things I’d like to do, not only for myself but for others as well.
But for now, I’m still the little girl at the window – watching and waiting – dreaming that someday I too will be a part of the carnival and not a mere distant spectator.
Is the right way to describe myself? I truly don’t know.
And so the question remains, “Who am I really?”

Confessions of an ageing Drama Queen

2007-06-03T15:12:00.000+07:00

I’m such a sentimentalist. I find it difficult to discard old stuff because I often attach so much sentimental value to it. It’s the same with my “friends”. When I get to know someone and decide to go a step further in enfolding them into my close circle of friends, it means that I really value them and care for them a great deal. I am there for them in their time of need, I am there to lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on … I don’t mind doing favours for them even though at times it may call for a lot of bending back on my part. If I know that they are depressed or upset about something, I let them know that I am there for them in case they feel like opening up and talking and never once have I turned my back on anyone.
I make it a point to keep in touch with my friends, even though we may not have seen each other for a while – I drop them occasional e-mails, text messages and the odd card now and then.
But these past few months have been a real eye-opener for me. I have discovered how true the adage “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone” is. I have been going through a slightly difficult patch these couple of months and suddenly I discover that my so called “friends” have turned their backs on me. My attempts to meet up with them for a chat or my e-mails and text messages to them have gone unanswered or even if they answer, its always filled with excuses as to how busy they are.
Suddenly people don’t want to know if you are having a problem. They pretend as if nothing is the matter. They have no time for you.
People who have time and time again asked favours of me appear to have just discarded me like a piece of trash. Now that I am no longer of use to them, they can’t be bothered about how I am or what is happening in my life. The feeling of betrayal hurts so deeply.
I have been such a fool to have been so trusting, so open and so vulnerable and I have learnt a very bitter lesson. No more will I allow anyone to hurt me or take advantage of me! From now on, this is one selfish bitch! And in the words of Simon & Garfunkel ......

I am a rock

I am an island

I’ve built walls

A fortress deep and mighty

That none may penetrate

I have no need for friendship

Friendship causes pain

It’s laughter and it's loving I disdain.

I am a rock

I am an island

Don't talk of love

Well, I've heard the word before

It’s sleeping in my memory

I won’t disturb the slumber

Of feelings that have died

If I’d never loved,

I never would have cried

I am a rock

I am an island

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me

I am shielded in my armour

Hiding in my room

Safe within my womb

I touch no-one and no-one touches me

I am a rock

I am an island

And the rock feels no pain

And an island never cries

So annoying..

2007-05-29T11:50:00.000+07:00

We all have our own collection of irritations, injustices, and petty pretensions. I came across this gem of collections by Scott Cohen and I’ve selected the ones, I kinda agree on.

Don’t you just hate …..

1. That Barry Manilow didn’t write his hit song “I Write the Songs.”

2. Having to make that face to people in the hallway at work that implies “Hey.”

3. When you try on a garment in a store and think, I wish I could wear this – and then think, I can, I can wear this. So you buy it and never wear it.

4. That your requirements in a mate become stricter as you grow older, and your good looks wane, making it harder to attract even the mediocre people you no longer find acceptable.

5. When your nieces and nephews reach the age when they can distinguish a cheap gift from an expensive one.

6. That both Simon and Garfunkel went bald.

7. When a woman calls out “Thanks a million!” and waves as her car pulls away, and you realise that you just gave her totally wrong directions.

8. When your childhood friend who was always better than you at everything is still better than you at everything.

9. The tiny percentage of times that a song dedication played on the radio is actually heard by the person it’s being dedicated to.

10. The feeling you get when you clip your nail too far.

11. Having something valid to interject into the conversation of two nearby strangers, but knowing that society does not permit you to do so.

12. That men reach their sexual prime at 19, and women reach their sexual prime at 33 – but it’s far more common to see a 33-year-old man with a 19-year-old woman.

13. That by the time most people have saved enough money to travel the world, they are too old to endure the trip.

14. When your thigh rubs against a leather chair, emitting a loud, ripping noise, and every time you rub your leg against it again, in an attempt to make the same noise to prove to the public that it wasn’t a fart, it sounds nothing like the initial sound.

15. Parents who refuse to believe the negative things teachers say about their children at parent-teacher conferences.

16. Jobs where they try to make you feel better about your salary by giving you a meaningless title like Assistant Director of Postage.

17. The stunning speed with which marriage can destroy a lifelong friendship.

18. The lingering suspicion, each time you lather up with “2-in-1 shampoo plus conditioner,” that it isn’t quite as effective as applying shampoo and conditioner separately.

19. Being the last person on a long line that no one else seems to be getting on.

20. Wedding toasts that end up being more about the person giving the toast than the bride and groom.

To be continued …

My First Love

2007-05-23T20:27:00.000+07:00

J.T. has been nagging me endlessly to get off my lazy butt and write something for my next posting. Yes, I admit I have been afflicted with the lazy bug … but guess its time I write something before JT nags me again.

Since both JT and K.C.have been talking about their first love, I decided to jump on the bandwagon as well.

It’s funny how the years simply cannot erase the memory of the first person that you ever loved. It could have been an infatuation, it could have been a major crush, it could have been puppy love and it could have been simple, uncomplicated, innocent love.

I first met John (yes, his name was John!) when I was 14. What attracted me to him was the fact that unlike his friends who were loud, boisterous and kept on nudging each other whenever a girl passed by, he was quiet, respectful and had a certain air of dignity in him … and for a 15 year old boy, that was in itself rather unusual.

The first time I set eyes on this bespectacled, serious looking young man was in church. I belonged to this small chapel and we did not have a resident parish priest. The priest used to come once a week on Saturday evenings to celebrate Mass for us. During one of the school holidays, he decided to bring a car load of altar servers with him, and John was among them.
There were many stolen glances and shy smiles exchanged during that first encounter. Then I used to see him whenever we went to his parish for Mass. Again the stolen glances and shy smiles continued. It was only many months later, during my parish feast day celebration, that I had the courage to go up to him and say ‘hi’ and introduce myself. Of course this would not have been possible without the help of my friend, who went up first and introduced herself, followed by me.

Of course this was the year 1980, when e-mails and hand-phones were not something we were familiar with. So we did the only thing that we could then, we exchanged addresses and kept in touch the old fashioned way. It was through his letters that I got to know him better. John lost his father when he was around 6 years old and could not remember much about him. But he and his brothers had a wonderful upbringing and this was strongly reflected in his personality.

Our letters were not filled with any words of endearment neither did it have any declarations of love. John was more concerned with our studies and would always advice me to study hard. He even went to the trouble of sending me notes and study tips.

This was how we kept in touch, until I finished my Form 5. We never went out on dates, we never went for a movie together, we never went out for a drink or anything like that. We never even chatted on the telephone. It was still the smiles and the glances whenever we saw each other in church (which was not too often).

John continued his studies in Form 6 and we still wrote to each other. After I received my SPM results, I decided to apply for the Teachers Training College and so did John. We were both accepted – he to the Teachers Training College in Johor and me – to the Teachers Training College in Terengganu. Unfortunately my mum was not too keen on me going to Terengganu and so I had to reject the offer. John went on to Johor and continued to write to me from there.

In 1985, my family and I moved to KL. John and I still kept in touch. When he completed his training after 3 years, he was transferred to Sarawak for two years where his teaching post was in a remote interior. It was a 7 to 8 hour journey from the town to the village and then it was a 3-hour boat ride to the school. But John did not complain despite all the hardships. In fact he said what made it all worth while was when the children would come up and hug him after the class at the end of the day. This was when I decided that I wanted this man to be the father of my children someday.

And it was during his stint in Sarawak that he became more open about his feelings for me. He would write to me to say how much he missed me, he would send me poems and he would tell me how he would gaze up at the stars each night and wish me good night. John always looked forward to my letters so I would send him pages and pages each week and write about almost anything. I knew he was lonely and the letters were his only companion.

During the school holidays, John would occasionally make a trip up to KL and we would go out for lunch and chat. The trips were not too frequent, but I treasured every moment of it. John was not exactly a romantic, but he was practical, sensitive and when I was with him, I felt safe, secure and loved.

After John, had finished his two years in Sarawak, he requested for a transfer to Peninsular Malaysia but they asked him to stay on for a couple of years. He was a bit disappointed as he longed to be back with his family and friends. He was then posted to another remote area in Sarawak. I could sense his frustrations, his loneliness and his letters became less and less frequent. One day he wrote to me and told me not to wait for him any longer. He was unsure of his future and he told me that he certainly could not expect me to marry him and come and live with him in Sarawak. I told him I would wait for him, but I guess his mind was made up. He soon stopped writing altogether although I continued to write to him. After a while, when my letters were unanswered, I too stopped writing although I never stopped thinking about him.

Sometime in the year 2000, I made a trip to Sarawak with some of my church group members and one evening as I was chatting with the priest after dinner, I told him about John … I guess the fact that I was in Sarawak stirred up all my old memories. The priest was very understanding and he suggested that I should try and find out what happened to John and maybe if I was lucky, I could still pick up where we had left off. I was initially apprehensive – it has been more than 10 years since I was last in touch with John, but I realised that I still missed him, and anyway what did I have to lose?

After making some enquiries from someone who was from John’s hometown, I discovered that John was now married with two kids and living in Johor.

Well, that soon put a stop to my romantic notions of ever hooking up with him again, although I did have a sense of regret. Maybe, just maybe if I had bothered to contact him sooner, I may have had a chance.

A few years ago, I saw his mum’s obituary in the newspaper and I sent him a condolence card. Although I included a short note in the card, I did not include my contact details – I knew that the time had come for me to let go of John completely, he was married now and there was no point in me coming into his life again, even as a friend because I was not sure that I could see him as that – just a friend.

I have been involved in a couple of relationships since then, but none have lasted because I have never found them fulfilling. Perhaps one reason why I’m still not married is because I’m still waiting for someone just like John to enter my life.

In a lazy mood!

2007-05-16T11:13:00.000+07:00

Celebrate her, Indulge her, Love her....

2007-05-10T16:43:00.000+07:00

On Sunday, May 13 we celebrate Mother’s Day. I would like to dedicate this to my mum and to all the wonderful mothers out there.

Mothers are a special breed of human beings. They’ve got eyes at the back of their heads. They have a dozen arms doing a hundred things at once. They are where you don’t want them to be. They know exactly what you’re thinking and they have a formula to wash your mouth out with soap.

If that makes them sound like ogres, then yes, they’re the ogres who have nestled us in their wombs long before we came out kicking and screaming in this world. They have instilled character into us, put the flesh on our bones, knocked sense into our heads and guided us through the thinnest and broadest alleys of our lives.

And if we tell them, “We couldn’t have done this without you mum”, they’ll say, “Right and don’t forget to brush your teeth before you go to bed, remember to say your prayers, always make sure you take your vitamins, don’t wear anything too promiscuous and keep your legs together at all times!”

Motherhood really is the oldest profession. It’s been around since the Big Bang and whether you’re three, 13 or 30, a mother never stops being one. She’s teacher, resident bully, and the lady with the softest heart, the toughest shoulders and the largest lap.

My favourite memory of my mother? There are too many. What I would like to remember is the way she’d stay up when I came home late, the way she nags me all the time, the way she surprises me with my favourite dish ….

And sometimes when I question her judgement and ask her why, her answer is always, “You’ll know when you a mother yourself.”

Happy Mother's Day, Mum.

Will You Marry Me?

2007-05-06T02:28:00.000+07:00

An old acquaintance of mine just contacted me to inform me that she was getting married. Of course, two things went through my mind when I hung up after the conversation. One was that she was literally gloating about the fact that she was heading towards the altar before me and number two was that she had never really bothered much to keep in touch, so why now – which brought me back to point number one – to GLOAT!

Anyway never mind about that. This got me thinking … about the big ‘P’. How does a couple come to an agreement that they finally wanna get hitched? Is it really romantic – over a candle-light dinner, roses and then the guy gets down on one knee and out comes the ring? Or is it between a commercial break on TV, “Hey honey, wanna get married? I’m free on July 25”

Women in general have been brought up on a steady diet of Mills and Boon and as they grow older … on to the steamier ones. So basically we want the works – the man down on one knee, champagne (okay we’ll settle for Sprite or Coke), chocolates and roses.

But I was really disappointed when I checked with some of my gal pals who are now blissfully married – apparently their proposals weren’t in the least bit romantic. Now that they think of it, they wonder how come they let their men off the hook so easily. Surely we women are worth it? Surely the man should plan this down to the teeniest detail?

A proposal for us gals is this super romantic moment – the culmination of all those months of dating, of wondering “will he – won’t he”.

For a guy, a proposal is a bitter-sweet moment. Yes, he loves you, and yes he wants to marry you and share his life with you. But yes, he also likes being single, being able to hang out with his pals, being able to live like a slob, being able to come and go as he pleases … it’s enough that he has to check in with his mum all the time, but now a wife?

Therefore, to his way of thinking, he’s making this huge sacrifice. He is giving up his freedom and placing himself in the hands of a woman who will tell him when to wake up, when to eat, when to bathe, when to sleep (not that his mum has not been doing this already). So under the circumstances, he is not particularly bothered by the ‘stage settings’. He just wants to get it over and done with and hope that you will say ‘yes’. So while he’s telling you that he loves you, he can’t live without you, he’s the luckiest man on earth - he is actually telling himself that he does not have to worry about who’s gonna do his laundry or cook and clean for him, now that his mum has asked him to move out of the house and fend for himself.

This then should explain why you may not have a tender moment on the beach with glowing sunset and violins in the background when he proposes – because for him, it’s a matter of survival.

Well, no matter where, when or how he proposes, just remember one thing, he may not be your ‘perfect man’ but you know that you do actually love the guy and want to spend your life with him. As for me, I’m still waiting for someone to get down on one knee ….

Men are really cavemen still!

2007-05-04T21:33:00.000+07:00

I came across this article in a magazine and thought it would be fun to share it with all of you. You may agree or disagree but do feel free to put in your two cents worth. Is this male bashing? I think not …. Just take it with a pinch of salt, guys!

1. Men don’t have any romantic ideas when it comes to sex!

2. The caveman may be dormant or well concealed in most men, but inevitably he reveals in full fury. And women who vouch for their men as angels will agree on this.

3. Power is the name of the game. Man needs to dominate. Whether a man dominates man or man dominates a woman.

4. The more sexual powers a woman has over the man, the more she’s in control.

5. There is no difference between love and lust. It’s just a different intensity of moment. At a lower frequency, it’s called love. So it is just a biological turbulence in your body which creates ‘love’ – because why the f**k doesn’t it last then? Nothing lasts in life. Everything evaporates.

6. The penis is a pleasure point, and so are women’s genitals. If you want to worship it and say that this is where life begins and ends, fine. There’s no denying that. But animals also do it. And when a rattlesnake gives birth to her babies, there are no odes being written. So why make it sound so special?

7. Love is a four-letter word. It’s a cultural attribute – you pick it up from music, literature and environment. It’s a virus. It’s pardonable insanity. And it’s played havoc with the lives of men and women.

8. Love is Mother Nature’s way of trapping you, for procreation.

9. Real independence is the biggest turn-on. A prostitute is independent. She stands on the street, sells her body and makes her money with dignity. And faces the consequences of her actions.

10. Every mythology has an idea of a perfect woman – but since they do not exist, men create them in fiction. So the idea of a perfect woman is simply a man’s idea.

Thank you JT for being my best friend

2007-05-01T15:10:00.000+07:00

"Do not save your loving speeches

For your friends till they are dead;

Do not write them on their tombstones,

Speak them rather now instead."

- Anna Cummins

You make everything more beautiful because you are my friend.
You have a way of transforming ordinary everyday things into delightful occasions.
You lighten my load, you brighten my road.
No one else can quite offer me the uniqueness of your self
Perhaps this is the reason why I treasure you my dear friend.

How To Impress Each Other

2007-05-01T09:32:00.000+07:00

(By J.T. of Jacqui's Curve)

Following my last entry in Lady Patsy's Chambers, I felt compelled to share U.Lee's comment on how genders can impress each other.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

1. Compliment her,

2. cuddle her,

3. kiss her,

4. caress her,

5. love her,

6. stroke her,

7. tease her,

8. comfort her,

9. protect her,

10. hug her,

11. hold her,

12. spend money on her,

13. wine & dine her,

14. buy things for her,

15. listen to her,

16. care for her,

17. stand by her,

18. support her,

19. go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

1.Show up naked.

2. Bring beer.

Men are such simple creatures, yet....

... HERE'S THE MAN WHO WAITED IN VAIN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN:

Chambers Refurbished, Men Smiling

2007-04-29T23:34:00.000+07:00

(by J.T. of Jacqui's Curve)

Lady Patsy is on hiatus - trying to complete and submit her income tax forms and doing some editorial stuff. I was kind of bored. So I asked Lady Patsy if I could do something to her blog. I felt that my last job on it was getting a bit "basi" (stale) for my eyes. She agreed and said, "Get creative woman. Do what you want."

Yippee! I finally found something to do on a Sunday afternoon. While Lady Patsy tackled her important matters in Kuala Lumpur, I was happily playing around with colours, pictures and fonts in Germany.

So ma' lady, I present to you the finished product - complete with an entry. I am not sure if it is pleasing to the reader's eyes but I tried my best.

When I showed the Lady of the Chambers a draft earlier, she approved the font size. She likes it. It's bigger. I can understand that. Lately, we have been complaining about our so-called growing (old) pains. Our eyesights are getting worse. Bladders are weaker - resulting in our frequent trips to the bathroom after midnight. I can remember when both of us did not have these complaints. We were in our 20s. It was a confusing time for us. We were trying to figure out life, love and men.

The first time I met Lady Patsy was back in 1992. We were preparing for a singles weekend organised by the church. Pat and I were chosen to be part of the panel of presenters. We shared our life experiences based on topics set out for the weekend. She was somewhat a veteran at presentations having done previous singles weekends. I was a rookie. It was comforting to have a friend like Pat during an intense weekend. Sharings were deep and it stirred a lot of emotions. We continued to share a lot more after the weekend and years thereafter. We had a lot of good times and bad. We saw each other through it all.

I asked Pat today, "What shall I blog for you?"

She said, "Anything lah"

"That's not good. Give me a topic, woman." We threw ideas back and forth. As I sit here, I still have no idea what to write.

So, if I have no idea what to write, I might as well share something from Cosmopolitan magazine . Yes, I do buy this magazine every now and then. It is informative. ;)
In fact, Lady Patsy started me on a Cosmo diet. I never knew about it until she shared the magazine with me umpteeth years ago.

The topic (and always the Lady's and my favourite) - MEN.
The subject - How To Put A Smile On His Face....

Making your guy light up doesn't have to take tons of effort. If he's in need of a little ego stroking, try these tips.

1. Let him save the day. Due to their provider instincts, "men feel important when they can help you," says Susan Rabin, author of Lucky In Love. Make him your go-to guy when you want advice on handling a sticky work situation or when your car is making a funny noise.

2. Brag about him. When you're around friends, tell everyone about his amazing chili recipe or how his bod blows David Beckham's away. "It's huge for his self esteen when you show him off," says Allen Berger, PhD, author of Love Secrets Revealed. Plus, it proves that you notice what's special about him.

3. Make him feel desired. "What turns a guy on most is being wanted sexually," says Berger. Try a line "I can't wait to get you into bed.' or suggest something new in the sack. Says Berger, "It shows that you value your sex life and want to keep it exciting."

My work is done here and I am off to make a man smile. ;)

Posted by J.T. of Jacqui's Curve

Sunday, April 29, 2007

I’ve been procrastinating again!

2007-04-22T16:15:00.000+07:00

As usual this Queen of Procrastination has been putting off doing her income tax and I seriously need to get it done before the deadline of April 30, 2007. Not having a head for figures, this is going to take me longer than the average Joe. Plus I also have some editorial deadlines looming, so I’m just gonna have to take a break from my blog. I’ll be back next month … in the meantime keep on blogging.

I'm Malaysian lah!

2007-04-18T22:09:00.000+07:00

I grew up in a small village called Kampung Kopisan Baru in Gopeng, Perak, This was in the 70s and 80s. My neighbourhood consisted people of all races - Malays, Chinese and Indians. Most of the people in that village worked in the tin mines nearby and so they were not only neighbours but colleagues and good friends as well.
Here was a place where we could pop into our neighbour’s house in the middle of the night and unashamedly ask for some food because we had unexpected guests. We could go off on a trip with the safe knowledge that our neighbours would keep an eye on our house without us even asking.
All the children went to the same school and they too were friends with one another. My closest friends in school consisted of people from all the different races and religions and we were so comfortable with each other that we’d often end up in one of the houses after school, doing our homework or playing games. The parents would warmly welcome all the children into their homes and being respectful of one another’s culture and believes, would ensure that the food served was acceptable to all. There was no prejudice or fear in the way we interacted with each other. We saw and accepted everyone as our friends and all the elders always looked out for all the children, once again irrespective of race or creed. It was no surprise to see a Malay man boxing the ears of an Indian child who had misbehaved, only because he cared (it was an unspoken rule that the elders had a right to punish or scold any child who were caught misbehaving … and this also meant a further punishment when we got home). At the same time, we would probably come across a Chinese woman gently applying ointment to the knee of a Malay child who had injured himself while playing.
When there was a wedding in the village, everyone would be invited and all the ladies would come together to prepare the meal. It was joy to see all the Mak Ciks, the Achees and the Ah Sohs sitting and chatting together while doing the cooking. When there was a funeral, everyone felt the loss and all would come to pay their respects and to help out in any way they could. The best time was during the festival season – trays of goodies would be sent to the neighbours with invitations to join them for lunch or dinner and this would be reciprocated when the neighbours celebrated their festivals. We respected one another’s religion – there was a mosque, a church, a Hindu temple and a Chinese temple all within walking distance of each other.
In school, when the Muslim children were having their Ugama lessons, the non-Muslims were free to go to the library or to the canteen. But most of us preferred to remain in class and do our homework. At the same time we would catch snatches of the lesson going on and the Ustaz or Ustazah would sometimes draw us into a discussion. They would ask us to explain about our religious beliefs or rituals and never once were we disrespected. In fact it was a learning experience for everyone.
Now when I look back, I wonder if it had all been a dream. Did we really co-exist in peace and harmony back then? Why I am having my doubts now is that after all these years, we are suddenly being urged to strengthen racial integration. Children regardless of whether they are at primary level or University students have to be taught or persuaded to integrate with one another. Where did we go wrong? Who is to blame for all this? Children as I know, are innocent. They are not prejudiced and can see beyond the colour of one’s skin. However, they are easily impressionable and if we fill these young minds with hate and mistrust, then we have failed in our duty not only towards our children but also to the nation. This August we will celebrate the 50th anniversary of our independence. Can we truly say that we have progressed these past 50 years or have we in reality moved backwards? Can we truly call ourselves Malaysians? This is certainly food for thought.

My colourful take on life

2007-04-17T16:59:00.000+07:00

I have a confession to make. I’ve been seeing the world through gold-coloured glasses. I know, I know, it’s supposed to be rose-coloured glasses but I never get things right!
This all started when a friend went overseas and brought me some wraparound plastic sunglasses that had two benefits: they cut out all the damaging rays hiding in that glorious sunlight AND I could put them on over my reading glasses and see to read in the sunshine.
They were exciting too because they made me look like a 60s movie star and all that was missing was an elaborate hair-do and a long, elegant scarf around my neck. The colour of the glasses was blue and that became a problem.
Those blue glasses made everything in the world look blue. Even on bright, sunny days, they made the view blue and sombre. All the brilliant red and pink flowers took on a peculiar purple cast. And the sunshine just faded into the blue! I tried to wear them to keep out the rays but I desperately wanted to let in the glow.
Then one day, I went to KLCC. There was a similar pair of glasses, but instead of blue, they were a bright, golden YELLOW. Just to experiment, I tried them on. Hello! It was a go for the glow – they lit up my life!
When I got home, I took the glasses and a book and decided to sit outside. As I glanced around, the flowers in the garden seemed brighter, the trees looked greener and my psyche got perkier. I settled back to enjoy the bright sunny day. When read-time was up, I took a look around at the lovely sunniness and then took off the glasses to go inside. What a shock! Bare-eyed, I realised that the sun was long gone, the sky was totally overcast, and grey clouds were rolling so fast that by the time I raced into the house, sheets of rain were pelting down hard. I put the glasses back on, and even in the middle of the storm, my garden looked sunny!
Ever since then, I’ve known just what to do when things look blue. I look at the world through my gold-coloured glasses!

Understand or not?

2007-04-16T21:48:00.000+07:00

I have been having a case of writer’s block and simply could not think of anything to write for my blog. I was discussing this with my best friend Jacqui and we were throwing ideas back and forth.
At times like this, I like to draw back on my own personal experiences and think of what has been happening in my life. To my surprise I discovered that sometimes in the most mundane of activities, there lies an interesting story ….

Being house bound because of a bad case of the flu, I decided to spend my valuable time working on a crossword puzzle – telling myself that it would improve my IQ and my word power, and my knowledge of the world in general. When I got stuck on a difficult clue, I began to think about how the English language is a lot like a child – sometimes delightful, sometimes confusing, and sometimes downright maddening. Some words have such built-in beauty, they can make you feel good to hear the lilt in them. Others have so many different meanings and interpretations that you must be very careful how you handle them.

Like a child, the English language can charm you – or it can drive you up the wall, make you nutty or cause you to go bananas!
See what I mean? We have such silly English expressions – “Drive you up the wall” And how does one exactly do that – in a car?
And how does someone make you “nutty”? Spread you with peanut butter?
“Go bananas” – what does that mean? Turn yellow? Get a thick skin? Start to hang around with a bunch?

One of the funniest parts of the English language involves the naming of groups of things. I can understand a “swarm of bees” or a “flock of geese” but who came up with the idea of a “school of fish”, a “pride of lions” or a “host of angels”?

Abandoning my puzzle, I began to waste time by putting together some groupings of my own. How about a “gaggle of gossips” or a “wiggle of women”, a “hassle of husbands”, a “clatter of children” or a “mutter of mothers”?

Well, this just shows how easy it is for minds to meander and thoughts to travel – and still get nowhere fast. But in this case, I managed to get a posting for my blog!

Now is the time

2007-04-12T12:55:00.000+07:00

If we are ever to enjoy life, now is the time - not tomorrow, nor next year, not in some future life after we have died.
The best preparation for a better life next year is a full, complete harmonious, joyous life this year.
Our beliefs in a rich future life are of little importance unless we coin them into a rich present life.
Today should always be our most wonderful day!

The cheque is in the mail

2007-04-10T14:00:00.000+07:00

I bumped into an acquaintance today while I was out doing my errands. After the customary greetings, we did some catching up and exchanged notes on our career path. As I listened to her chatting on about her glamorous and exciting life, I willed myself to see her nose growing longer by the minute. Now don’t get me wrong. I was not green with envy, even though her tales might have put Paris Hilton to shame. The truth is I happened to have met her mother about a week earlier who had already given me the low down on her daughter’s exploits and it certainly was a far cry from what she was telling me now. Of course, I did not want to spoil her fun and so let her ramble on and sent her off on her merry way.
Well, I have to admit that I too have on occasion spun a rather interesting yarn or two. Maybe its human nature and we can’t deny the fact that we all like to tell what I shall euphemistically call tales. Some of them may be molehills but the majority of them, I have noticed, are of Himalayan dimensions. You know all the lies fishermen tell about their big catch. Well, we drop equally fictitious references to our personal, social and professional ‘big catches’, virtually all the time.
If you don’t believe me, do some serious eavesdropping the next time you’re at a party, a wedding and yes, even at a funeral. You’d probably hear someone bragging about her last vacation at some exotic island where she was accosted by a tall, dark and handsome stranger. Chances are, she probably went to Port Dickson, where a 60 something male tourist with a protruding belly and thinning hair kept on winking at her.
Then we have the name droppers who claim that they are cousins to some celebrities, ministers, members of royalty or someone rich and famous, while carefully omitting to reveal how many times removed the connection is.
At times, some women love to brag about their husband’s/son’s/son in law’s ascension up the corporate ladder at a speed that would put NASA outputs to shame. Their children seem to be geniuses; they are likely to enter University by the age of 12. Their routine dinner guest list reads from a socialite magazine’s who and who.
At other times, the lie is a cover-up, a façade behind which a person hides his/her vulnerabilities. “Of course I got an invite to the party, but I was away in Greece at that time.” But in the same breath this person vows never to speak to the hostess of that party for some time.
Then, we have the compulsive liars. They lie as easily as they breathe. In fact, if they cannot embellish a simple story, it isn’t worth telling. They do it for effect, they do it for laughs, they do it for sympathy, but they do it all the time.
They are the ones who turned down a marriage proposal from a foreign millionaire because they couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Malaysia. They are the ones who got picked up by the contestants of the Miss World Beauty Pageant during a night out in town. They are the ones who have had several near death experiences that they are a walking miracle.
But is it true that women tend to tolerate tall tales more than men do? A guy told me that he once heard the biggest whopper of all from a demure lass and what amazed him was that while all the guys were turning red and squirming, none of the ladies so much as batted an eye lash. Even as the men got hot under the collar or stared in stupefaction (well, so would you if someone you’ve known for years suddenly told you that she once dated an international footballer, only she doesn’t remember his name, which team he belonged to or which year it was [ it was soooo long ago!], the women only smile.
Maybe it’s a Cheshire cat smile. A smile that says, “I’m onto you, so stop right now.” Maybe it’s a smile that says, “That was a good one. I need to work on my stories.” Then again it could be a smile that says, “OK, you’ve had your moment. Now it’s my turn, and boy, do I have a big one!”

My seven deadly sins!

2007-04-09T13:55:00.000+07:00

We Christians just finished our 40 days of Lent during which we were reminded time and time again to repent of our sins. A funny thought just occurred to me. I am guilty of having sinned recently. Covetousness, gluttony, envy, pride, lust, anger and sloth – I was subjected to and fell under the spell of all seven deadly sins last week when I went to a Book Fair!
In an old warehouse, rows and rows of tables held thousands of books. Since I love books, I COVETED them all. As I stepped on some toes and elbowed my way through the crowd, I GLUTTONOUSLY grabbed books of every shape and size – some almost new, some well-thumbed and dog-eared, some serious, some funny. And I was filled with PRIDE at the bargains I had been shrewd enough to spot.
Even though my bag was stuffed and dragging the floor, I unashamedly peeked over the shoulders of strangers to see the titles of books they were clutching, ENVYING the treasures they had beat me to.
Then, as I approached the “rare” books section, I LUSTED after the exotic, expensive books displayed there, knowing I couldn’t afford any of them. And as I glanced at my watch, I gave in to ANGER, because I was running out of time and money and I didn’t want to leave.
There was only one of the seven deadly sins left. But of course, soon after I got home, SLOTH took over as I ignored my household chores and poured over my treasures. I lovingly paged through the humour books, mysteries, romance novels and miscellaneous. Then I noted a great quote in one of the really old books. It was from an 1870 news item: “A waspishly small waist no longer excites admiration – the spirituelle figures are not considered stylish nowadays; deep, healthy shoulders and plump, round waists of 22 and 23 inches are now the fashion.” TWENTY-TWO inches? A lot of thanksgiving turkeys have a waist plumper than that!
Another quote concerned dining etiquette of 1875: “It is well to carry in your pocket a small pincushion, and, having folded your napkin, to pin it at the belt.” And then there was a page of advertising which offered a sale on lady’s hairpieces – “fine braids, waterfalls, puffs and frizzled curls.”
All of that sounds pretty funny today but those ideas just might be helpful. With a napkin pinned at a 22-inch waist, a pincushion in your pocket, and a waterfall on your head, you’d be much too restrained to commit any of those seven deadly sins!

That special someone

2007-04-08T15:29:00.000+07:00

Often we meet someone who just seems to fit quite nicely in our lives. We fall into a comfortable relationship as if we have known that person for a lifetime. I too have found such a person who just walked into my life one day and continued to stay even when others left and went away. She knows my innermost secrets and never once has she judged me or turned me away – she has accepted me for who I am, warts, flaws and all. I’d like to dedicate this to my best friend, Jacqueline Tegjeu Martin just to say a big thank you for all the years of unselfish friendship.

*******************************************************

Yes, I know we’re different, but she’s my close friend - my best friend.

I love to hear her stories, she’s so animated, so verbally colourful. When she talks I listen and laugh till I cry.

I love to watch her with people. She touches when she talks, drawing some near, turning some off. Her vocabulary is vulnerable, open, at times offensive to the less open. And she always steals the show – the life of the party.

Her eyes reflect her love of life, her exuberant spirit, her heart. What a heart! When she loves, she loves deeply, loudly ….

God I know you must really love her, too. You created her. You know her best.
Thank you for my friend. She says so many things that I can’t find the words to express. She makes our every meeting a fiesta. She gives me so much of herself.

Yes, I know she’s different. But she’s burrowed in my heart and I want her to stay.

So what if I'm an attention seeker

2007-04-06T22:24:00.001+07:00

Someone accused me recently of being an attention-seeker. Initially I was upset by this accusation. But later upon reflection, I have to admit that he was right. Well, first of all he flung the accusation at me simply because I have been telling all and sundry to check out my blog. I mean what is the purpose of having a blog if no one is gonna read it, right? And how do I get people to read my blog? Well, obviously by promoting it myself and with the hope that my so called friends would tell their friends and so on … Its quite simple actually and in this case I find absolutely nothing wrong in blowing my own trumpet! So, yes, I am an attention seeker. So what?

Being single is not a crime

2007-04-04T16:12:00.000+07:00

Singleness is a gift, a box of freedom, a package of time.

Single people cannot be themselves. Like politicians, we are public property. Everybody and her aunt needs to how old you are and why you are still single. Well meaning friends and relatives are always trying to pair you off with so-and-so’s brother, son, nephew etc.
If you happen to be above the age of 35, then it’s divorcees, widowers and ‘dirty’ old men that you are condemned to, as “all the nice ones are already taken.” You are left tired, exhausted and depressed but never alone.
If you are single, irrespective of your professional qualifications or designation, your standing remains that of a failure. But remaining single is a choice, whether circumstantial or professional. Just as we don’t ask a person why he/she is married, why question someone who is single?
If a single woman loses her temper easily, it is followed by sniggers of “She’s single and frustrated!” Like a well-meaning insult, your single status is always aimed at you as the reasons for your limitations. Why can’t a person be judged for herself, irrespective of her marital status?
Married friends are cautious of you being around their husbands too often lest you try and tempt them into an affair. Single friends with boyfriends prefer that you stay as far away as possible from the love of their live in case he finds you more interesting, attractive etc.
I am tired of those who pity me and pray for my deliverance. Life is not easy for anyone. The only way we can make it so is by acceptance. Why highlight what you think is missing in another person’s life?
A complete life is one which is lived fully and unconditionally. It’s an accomplishment that cannot be equated to the number of children you have, the kind of home you make or your performance as a spouse. Life is about your success as a human being first and last!
I know that many single women like me say “I don’t care”, but in reality we do … we say it out loud only to drown the pain.

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Honest Emotions

Single. Sounds simple. But it’s so complicated, so confusing.

Some people don’t know how to treat me. They don’t know if I am content or miserable. They wonder whether this is my decision or if I’m heartbroken.
They talk with me about love as if it is something I’ve never experienced. They try to fix me up with their friends as if my heart is up for grabs.
They want me to have their life-styles, their remedy for happiness. They mean well but they really don’t understand.

To be honest, I’m not sure I really understand either. Sometimes I don’t know how to act or respond. I’ve been single all my life and still I can’t comprehend all the rules to the game.
Do I conceal my loneliness? Admit I’m content? Show my tears? Voice my frustrations? Reveal my peace? Do I share with others all the contradictions I feel as a single woman?

Sometimes I dare not be vulnerable with my deepest feelings. By opening up my soul, letting it speak for itself. I often hear words that surprise even me. Yesterday I was so content, so peaceful. Now I hear my heart speak restlessness. Sometimes I reveal in my freedom, other times I dream of having someone special to share the memories with me.

I have all these feelings, all these honest emotions, all these hurts and joys.
I’m a single woman, discovering daily exactly what that means to me.

Time out

2007-04-03T09:34:00.000+07:00

Time stood still for me last week. My watch broke. Actually it wasn’t even the watch – just the watchband. But I soon found out that a watch on the wrist is worth two in the pocket.
I decided to take a chance and venture out minus my watch. Since I never knew what time it was, I didn’t know if I had more time than I thought to finish something or less time - it was less. I didn’t know if I should hurry or take my time – I should have hurried.
I found out that even without a watch to alert you, time marches on. I met a friend for lunch and we sat and chatted on because I was sure I had plenty of time to run the rest of my errands – I didn’t. I decided to jump on the bus and enjoy the scene instead of taking the much faster LRT because I was sure I had time to get to an appointment – I was wrong.
But all week I had this euphoric feeling that I didn’t need to hurry or scurry or even worry. Without a watch to warn me, I had no idea that I was running a day late and a dollar short all week. But you know what? By the end of the week, somehow everything got done anyway!
Maybe I won’t get that watchband fixed after all. It was a lot nicer to give my friend my undivided attention as I listened to her woes. I could empathise better when I wasn’t always glancing at my watch, wishing she’d talk a little faster. I enjoyed the scenery along the bus route and was amazed at the many changes that had taken place this past one year or so.
It was a lot nicer keeping calm and collected rather than bringing my blood pressure to its boiling point, worrying about every minute wasted.
I’m always thinking or saying, “I just don’t have enough time.” But I do. I have all the time there is. I have 24 hours a day, seven days a week and 365 days a year. Time is not on my hands – but it is in my hands. It is how I choose to use it!

Thankful for the memories

2007-04-02T22:11:00.000+07:00

They say that a picture paints a thousand words. Yes indeed it does, and it also creates a thousand memories. I read an article by a clinical psychologist who said that the “body language” in old photos could tell a lot about your family. According to the learned doctor, there are a lot of hidden messages in those old faded faces. You’re supposed to look and see who’s standing next to whom, who’s smiling at whom, who looks mad, who looks left out and who’s hiding behind a bush.
The psychologist thinks if you never see a husband and wife pictured together maybe that’s because they’re trying to pretend they don’t know each other. Personally, I think it’s just because somebody has to take the picture and they don’t want to trust the expensive camera to one of those kids. But maybe that’s why he’s a famous psychologist and I’m hiding behind a bush.
Whatever those old photos say to you, looking at them is sure a fun way to spend a rainy afternoon. Imagine seeing a photograph of your grandfather grandly dressed up in a three-piece suit (the only time you’ve ever seen him in one) or your young and beautiful mother/grandmother/aunt posing coyly under a Chinese parasol or some young handsome uncle with Elvis-styled hair astride a motorbike.
They say that photographs are one of the first things that people try to save when there’s a fire in the home. And no wonder. They are irreplaceable memories of family history, special ceremonies and the people, places and milestones of life. That’s why looking at them can open a window to yesterday that gives us glimpses of values and hopes and dreams – a solid foundation on which to build a future.

To punish or not to punish

2007-03-29T08:38:00.001+07:00

I was enlightened in a most unusual way the other day. I was helping my 11-year-old nephew with his homework and discovered that the young ones these days are practically getting away with ‘murder’.
Going through his work books, I noticed he had on several occasions, skipped doing some of his work. I did notice, however, that the teacher had gone on to mark the other pages which he had completed and did not give much thought to the work he had not finished.
On investigating further, I discovered that the teacher apparently did not punish students who did not finish their homework; neither did she try to contact the parents to let them know what their child was up to in school – no phone calls, no notes, and no invitations to have a parent-teacher chat.
Maybe my nephew gets away with such things because on the whole, he’s a very bright student and always does well in his exams or maybe the teacher is afraid in general of dealing with over-protective parents.
When I queried my sister about this, she said that the teachers in her son’s school have an attitude of “It’s up to the students whether they want to finish their work or not”.
I’m not saying that all teachers are like that but when parents have a tough time getting their children to do their work, they harbour a hope that a stern teacher would be able to instil some fear in the kids.
Now, things were absolutely different when I was in school. Woe betides the kid who did not finish his homework. Each incomplete work meant punishment and it would vary from a stroke of cane on the palm of your hand, a pinch on the forearm, standing up on the chair/table throughout the entire period, picking up rubbish during break time, not being allowed to go out during recess, a point demerit, having to stay back after school to clean the board and sweep the floor or simply a sound scolding that would leave us on the verge of tears.
And if that was not enough, habitual offenders would have the pleasure of having their parents notified and this meant another punishment when we got home.
I have fond memories of school and the whole package deal that came with it, and no, I did not escape punishment either, but it helped me become a better person – a more disciplined person. Rather than have to stand on the chair (which can be quite embarrassing when you are in the upper form), we preferred to finish our work on time and even helped each other because we did not want to see any of our friends being punished either.
We also learnt to behave ourselves when there was no teacher around because all the students in a noisy class were punished even if were only one or two who were misbehaving.
Those were the days when you could see an entire class doing laps around the field in the hot blazing sun or gawk at an entire class standing on chairs.
But did these punishments turn us into bitter persons who walked around with guns and blew people away? Did it make us vengeful and slash the teachers’ car tires or did we go around painting graffiti on the walls? Did it leave us emotionally unstable or have a dire effect on us psychologically? No, it did not. In fact, a majority of my classmates ended up as teachers, nurses and social workers. Most of us ended up in the care-giving profession. Why did this happen? It is because we believed in, and were thankful for, the discipline that we received from those teachers who cared enough to punish us. We learnt what caring was all about even if we had to learn it the hard and painful way.
So maybe before we decide whether or not to punish our kids, we should look back at our childhood and see the person that we have become today and then we can ask ourselves – to punish or not to punish?

A God of Reason

2007-03-28T15:28:00.000+07:00

It is quite normal to hear someone attributing his success to his hard work, his devoted wife, his understanding family etc and if God is lucky, He gets mentioned somewhere along the way.
However, guess who tops the list whenever tragedy strikes? That’s when everyone remembers God, and we hear things like, “Why God? Why me? Why did you let this happen?”
Some people believe that God has a wicked sense of humour. With all this unnecessary pain and suffering which often seems to befall innocent people, especially young children, can one be blamed for harbouring uncharitable thoughts about God?
Yes indeed. What did these children do to deserve such punishment of losing their families, of losing their homes, of having such a bleak future? Why make them suffer Lord?
I mean, which God in His right mind would want to impose such pain, misery and suffering on His beloved people? It’s enough to make a person wonder whether God really exists.
I don’t claim to be a philosopher, neither am I a theologian, but I have always believed that God has a reason for everything. Yes, even the worst of sufferings – even if it is something that we cannot accept or comprehend.
I was rather disturbed to read an article in a magazine recently where after highlighting a few tragedies, the writer wondered out aloud if God really existed. The writer claimed that if God was who we all believed Him to be, then surely He would not have allowed such things to happen.
I don’t know whether the writer is an atheist, a free thinker or belongs to any particular religion but I was saddened to think that an individual could come to such a conclusion just because the world does not happen to be a place of ‘blue skies and everything nice’.
Of course, all of us have this dream of living in a beautiful world that is filled only with laughter, happiness and joy. No one wants to have to endure misery, pain or loss of any kind.
Can there possibly be such a thing as a ‘suffering-free’ world? The answer lies with us. We are the ones who can learn to love one another and treat one another with respect, thus putting an end to war. We are the ones who can put safety before greed to ensure that buildings are safe to live in. We are the ones who can abide by simple rules and common sense and prevent boats and ferries from capsizing due to overloading. We are the ones who can learn to be patient and careful drivers on the road and reduce the number of fatal accidents. We are the ones who can upkeep our moral and religious values and stop all the murders, thefts, rapes and unnecessary abortions. We are the ones who can learn to respect and value life – ours and that of others. The list goes on … but the end result is the same – it is all up to us.
God did not give human beings the brains or the ability for advancement only to see us destroying each other through carelessness, greed, a lack of empathy or a simple egoistic need to exercise our superiority over others. So why blame God? Maybe there is a lesson behind each suffering.
Tragedies sometimes elicit different responses from different people. The atheist will angrily protest: “There is no God indeed! If there were one, this should not have happened!”
The lukewarm believer will lament in despair: “God, my God, why did You allow this to happen!”
Finally, the one who has placed his complete trust in God will pray calmly: “Lord, I accept this. You have Your reasons for allowing this to happen.”
Without God, suffering is unbearable. When someone suffers, he is being given the opportunity to experience the greatness and the merciful love of God. When we look at suffering in this way, then it becomes, not a burden, but a privilege.

Queen of Procrastination

2007-03-27T19:45:00.000+07:00

If anyone knows about procrastination, it’s me. I do believe that I am the undisputed Queen of Procrastination but hey, it has somehow worked wonderful miracles for me.
During my college days, we were always given two types of assignments throughout the academic year. One would be the numerous weekly assignments and the other, THE major assignment which would be a contributing factor for our grades. The major assignment would be given well in advance to enable us to do the necessary research, and we would only have to hand it in close to the final exams.
As usual, I would put it aside (out of sight, out of mind) and would only frantically work on it a day or two before the deadline. My poor neighbours must have gone crazy listening to me pound away at my typewriter (no, not computer) at such unearthly hours. Somehow I always managed to get excellent grades for my assignments much to the chagrin of my more hardworking classmates who had slogged for months on theirs.
I guess I belong to that category of people who can only produce their best under tremendous pressure.
My poor mum has had her share of “I’ll get down to it …” whenever it comes to helping around the house. From her vast experience, she knows that the clothes will remain unfolded, the floor unmapped, the windows unwashed, the curtains and cushion covers unchanged if she does not do it herself or tricks me into doing it.
Somewhere in my room there’s a closet which has yet to be opened because I have yet to organise and rearrange the contents so that it will not come tumbling down the minute the doors are opened. The collection of magazines in my room remains untouched and are quietly gathering dust because I have not quite got down to clipping those interesting articles and filing them away for future reference.
When my good friend Amarjit got married, I could not make it for the wedding but promised that I would meet up with the newly-weds. Now a mother of two school-going children, Amarjit has given up hope that I would actually turn up on her doorstep one fine day.
The battle of wills between me and the exercise machine still continues despite the fact that it has been placed in a strategic position where I never fail to see it.
But of course procrastination has its downs as well. Yup, I have been putting off getting married and now I’m at the point in my life when all the ‘nice’ guys are no longer available. They’re engaged, married or joined the priesthood.
But have I learnt my lesson? Nooo … former colleagues are wondering whether I’m still alive or not as I have yet to fulfil my promise of meeting up with them.
The correspondence school which I joined more than a year ago is still waiting for my first assignment.
The brand new journal which I bought at the beginning of the year and which was meant to be filled with my personal reflections is still brand new and unused.
The book which I promised myself I’d start writing someday still remains just that – a promise.
Sometimes I wonder if this procrastination will ever end. Is there a cure for it? Guess I could do something about it. Yes, I will definitely do something about it. I think I’ll get down to it …. Tomorrow.

Slogans of Life

2007-03-27T11:07:00.001+07:00

Ever wondered why people wear T-shirts with slogans or place stickers on their cars? Personally, I think it’s for my benefit. I do believe that the Man Upstairs has given up on me ever reading deep theological books or immersing myself in meditation. He knows too well that I’ve been getting my inspiration by reading T-shirts and bumper sticker slogans. That’s why never a day passes without my having a slogan filled T-shirt clad person thrust in my face, whether it’s on my way to work or going back home. And the minute I happen to glance out the window while sitting in the bus, that’s when a car with a conscience-pricking sticker happens to pass by.
Since I have been known to try many new diets (unsuccessfully), I naturally noticed this T-shirt wisecrack: The body is fuelled by the four basic food groups: Chocolate Candy, Chocolate Brownies, Chocolate Ice-Cream and Chocolate Milk Shake. Unfortunately, that IS my kind of fuel.
But then there was the t-shirt that boasted: Veni, Vidi, Vegi: I came, I saw, I had a salad. And the most inspirational of all bragged: Bless me Lord, for I have thinned.
Switching from food to friendship, I love the message: A true friend remembers your birthday … but not which one it is.
How fortunate I am to have so many kind and forgetful friends who just happened to forget my most recent birthday.
I like this one too: Please Lord, let me PROVE to you that winning the lottery will make me a better person.
Couples will find this one amusing as well: Marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning!
Today I saw a greeting card with this message: God uses broken things. Broken soil produces a good crop, broken clouds shower down refreshing rain, broken grain makes hearty loaves of bread and bread broken with family and friends turns into a communion of love and sharing.
What a reassuring and hopeful thought for a person who has a broken hair dryer, a broken vacuum cleaner, broken resolutions, and yes, even a broken heart. We may live with our brokenness but we know that God will use that to make us whole. And we also know that no matter how many times we break our resolutions, God will never break His promises. Now isn’t that the most inspiring slogan of all?

Thankful for little things

2007-03-27T06:30:00.000+07:00

I’m sure most of us would have at one time or another had this thought, “If only I could learn to write my life in pencil so I could erase the mistakes!”
Since we most certainly can’t, then perhaps we should do the next best thing – write our life not in pencil but in hilarious golden phrases that would inspire us to laugh at our blunders and grow from our mistakes. We should lean to blend a little rain with a little sunshine, thereby creating a rainbow. These are some of the lessons of life that I have begun to learn and appreciate.
Each time I find myself wallowing in self-pity or complaining that life is so unfair, I just have to take a look at the newspapers to see that there are others who are a hundred times worse off than me. Next to them, my problems and complaints seem tiny and trivial. At least I still have a roof over my head, three square meals a day, clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in at night.
But, what about those who have recently lost their livelihood or their loved ones? What about those who have been forced to abandon their homes and even their homeland and who now face a life of insecurity? What about all those people whose lives are at risk just because someone has decided to go on an ethnic-cleansing spree?
How can I be selfish and gripe about how little I have when I see pictures of refugees, especially innocent children, with outstretched hands reaching out for a tiny piece of bread? How often have I spent sleepless nights thinking about my future, when some people don’t know for sure if they have a future and are just thankful that they are able to live through another day.
Have I ever thanked God for the countless blessings that He has showered on me or am I guilty of failing to see the little joys of life that I have been blessed with but instead focus only on what I have not received?
Are my daily prayers filled with phrases that begin with “Give me, I want, I need”, when there are many who pray for nothing more than a chance to lead a safe, secure and peaceful life.
And finally, have I ever, in the midst of my self-centred life, taken time off to say a little prayer for others?

Are we ruled by rules?

2007-03-27T06:28:00.000+07:00

Once upon a time, we didn’t bother with what people said or did. We had our own identity. We were totally unafraid. That was the best gift of youth. We made do and created our sense of fun. It was we who set the trends. It was we who decided what was ‘cool’ and what was not. We were the masters of our fate and the whole world stepped aside as we walked by. Then we had to grow up. We got our jobs and our promotions. We became part of the crowd and we lost our identity.
There was a ‘correct’ way of doing things and ‘rules’ had to be followed. Image became of paramount importance. The rules soon became a way of life – almost an obsession. If we did not follow the rules, we did not belong, we became outcasts.
The correctness of things meant knowing which cutlery to use at which time – which dress to use for which occasion. There was no two ways about it. We had to conform although we would have felt more comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans than in a cocktail dress. How many friendships were strained because a friend chose to launch into her ‘save the animals’ pitch during a party you were hosting. That very party which you were sure would impress the boss enough to consider you for the promotion.
How many romances were nipped in the bud because he just refused to wear a necktie to functions or she did not want to follow age-old traditions and please his mother.
I am not saying that ‘rules’ are not good. We need guidance, that is why the rules are there. But the rules should not restrict our individuality or force us to abandon our non-conformist friends.
Rules have a way of turning rigid and forcing us to abandon our identity as persons. Is that how we want to end up as – just another statistic, just another face in the crowd?

Coming of Age

2007-03-26T19:40:00.000+07:00

My best friend just turned 40 last month and instead of lamenting about old age and worrying that she now has more grey hair and wrinkles, she viewed this coming of age quite positively and exclaimed excitedly how in 10 years time she will be eligble for senior citizen privileges.
Not many of us are this optimistic about our advancement in age or can accept the fact that we will soon be past our prime. We resort to all kinds of measures in the hope that our youth will somehow be frozen in time. I too am in my 40s now and I have come to view the world in a different light. Yes I do admit that I was initially upset when once upon a time, I was referred to as Miss but now I'm being called 'Aunty'. I told myself that instead of wasting time trying to recapture my lost youth, I should instead make the most of this new 'era' which I have embarked on.
Now my priorities have changed. Where once I dressed for style even if meant wearing killer heels (no not killer looking heels, but heels that would kill your back!), now I go for comfort. Where once I always ensured that I held my tummy in and chest out to enhance my figure, now I have taken a more relaxed, albeit comfortable posture. Handbags? No more the tiny ones where you could only fit in a lipstick, but the large, roomy ones where I can fit in an umbrella (in case it rains), a book (for the long boring waits) and in my bag you would probably find all kinds of medications - migrane tablets, inhaler, medicated oil, a band-aid etc. Yes ... its practically that counts, not mindless stuff that's there just because its trendy.
Where my looks are concerned, I accept the fact that I have grey hair and do have a couple more wrinkles on my face but I think it gives me character. Now instead of idolising 20-something actresses, I admire the dignified beauty of Helen Mirren, Susan Saradon, Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton and all the other lovely ladies over 40.
Now instead of working late nights and slogging away in the office every day just because I want that promotion, I have learnt to take it easy and prioritise what is important in my life. I have started doing all the things which I have been meaning to do but never got round to it coz I was too busy. I have reconnected with my old friends, I have time to enjoy my reading, time to work on my writing (this blog is proof) and most importantly, I have time for myself and my family.
So people, remember that life is too short, so stop and take time to smell the roses okay.