What if ... I had married you?

I met up with an old friend recently. We used to go out … many moons ago … when I was in my 20s. We enjoyed each other’s company and didn’t have any major issues with one another then. He was nice and likeable and a perfect gentleman. He was hard-working and knew what he wanted out of life … a great career and a great family life, i.e. wife & kids. Somewhere along the way, he had equated me into his perfectly balanced life.

Unfortunately, I was still young and marriage was the furthest thing from my mind at that point in my life. Since I could not give him what he wanted, he started seeing other girls and eventually met someone and settled down. We kept in touch off and on – the usual birthday, Christmas and New Year greetings and the once in a while ‘Hi how are you doing’ call.

After numerous promises of catching up in person, we finally managed to get together. He hadn’t changed much – still the nice, likeable, perfect gentleman. It was quite easy to just catch up on stuff. Of course he wanted to know why I was still single after all this time … I had no plausible answer because I have now come to the stage where I don’t want to make excuses for myself or for others.

I don’t know … maybe he was trying to convince me how great being married was because he couldn’t stop talking about his wonderful wife and kids and how much meaningful his life was now. I was happy for him … truly … but what he said next was quite unexpected. He told me that he had often wondered what it would have been like if he had married me. While he went on to assure me that he loved his wife etc, he was often besieged by this thought about ‘us’ and what might have been.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say because I had long given up on thinking about guys who may or may not have ‘slipped through my fingers’ as one of my friends nicely put it. Yes I met quite a number of interesting guys over the years … but for some reason or other, marriage was not on the cards … either for them or for me … for one reason or other.

I feel that there is no point looking back and asking myself whether I had made the right decision in letting them go. What’s the point of wondering what my life would have been like had I become Mrs So-and-So … I am not, so there!

Anyway, for old time’s sake, I just sat back in my chair, looked at my friend and tried to imagine what it would have been like if I had married him. I tried to imagine a life with him and as much as I liked him and as much as I think he would have made a good husband, I just could not picture the two of us together.

Has it ever occurred to him that the reason why I may ‘appear’ to be attractive, enticing, sexy, funny, intelligent, confident etc is precisely because I’m no longer within reach! Remember the saying … A forbidden fruit often seems much more tempting just because they are forbidden!

So instead of sitting and wistfully day-dreaming about a life that could have been, we should appreciate the life we are leading now and give thanks for what we have been blessed with. As for me, I’m looking forward to what surprises life has in store for me. So now excuse me while I go sit by the window in case my Prince Charming happens to pass by.

Not quite over the hill yet!

I’ll be turning 45 this September – yup I belong to that category of women who will boldly shout out her age from the mountain top. I mean what’s there to be shy or embarrassed about? After all, everyone will grow old one day and it will be much easier if we learn to accept and deal with it now itself, instead of going into a denial mode.

Have I led a much fulfilled life? Well to be honest, I wish there were some things that I could have done when I was younger and there are some things which I still hope to do someday. There are some choices that I wished I had made and some that I wish I hadn’t.

Who know? Maybe my life would have taken an entirely different path had I made some different decisions and choices in life. I won’t lie and say that I have no regrets … I know I do, but I have come to accept who I am, what I have become, the road that I have chosen and where it’s gonna lead me.

Over the years, I’ve met many interesting characters, made new discoveries, learnt new things and experienced both the bitter and sweet that life has thrown at me. All of this I regard as invaluable experiences and memories and believe that everything has happened for a reason.

What next? I honestly don’t know. Will I become an award winning author? Will I strike it big and become a millionaire? Will I end up as a cat woman? No, not that cat woman from the Batman movie, but a ‘cat woman’ as aptly described by my childhood friend, Kim Lean.

Kim Lean had this interesting post on her Facebook one day, which inspired me to write this new posting for my blog. This is what was on her blog: To all those single girls out there, has this ever crossed your mind that you need to find someone fast before you become one of those women who dresses up their pets and calls them her 'children'...and is known as the 'cat woman' & scares away the neighbourhood kids???

Well this was a scary thought, but I knew that I would definitely not be known as the ‘cat woman’ because I prefer dogs to cats anytime (grin). Anyway coming back to my story, this was cause for worry, but then again, do I really want to marry someone just because I’m afraid that I would end up lonely and bitter?

I know of people who got married because they did not want to be left on the shelf. Some are having a happy married life, but there are others who are now paying the price for making that decision out of desperation.

People still tell me, even today, that the reason I’m still single is because I’m choosy, picky, fussy etc etc etc. Well, I don’t have a very long check list of the criteria that a man must meet before I’ll agree to marry him, but there are certain qualities that I hope he would have and I’m quite certain that he too would have certain expectations of me.

Is my ‘Mr Right’ or my ‘Almost Mr Right’ out there somewhere? I really don’t know. If my ‘ideal man’ turns up when I’m in my 50s would I still want to get married? I really don’t know. But if I do, it will be because I have chosen to do so and not because I’m desperate to do so.

Yes I do admit that loneliness does seep in sometimes and then I would long for that special someone. But I’m certainly not going to put my life on hold and wait for my knight in shining armour to ride in and sweep me off my feet. Life goes on and I intend to enjoy each moment that I have with my family and my friends and I will continue pursuing my other dreams.

And to that person I’m fated to be with, ‘Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped and asked for directions … as it is you’re already 15 years late!’

Looking for another kind of hero

Now I know why I’ve always been putting off writing my blog … its because sometimes one just can’t think of what to write. Well, that’s not entirely true … there are many topics in my head but they all seem to be in bits and pieces and putting them together just seems to be too much effort! Blame it on my lazy genes.

On the other hand, I could always write about the ‘hot topic’ of the hour. But then again I would have to find some angle which no one has talked about and that too would take so much effort. You can blame it on my laze genes again!

Someone who read my blog sometime back (back when I used to update it regularly) said that he was not really impressed by it because ‘it lacked substance’ as I only seemed to be talking about men and relationships. Well, that is not entirely true. I do occasionally write about other stuff as well. When I started this blog, I had no intention of making it a political platform. I leave that to people who are more well-versed on the subject and even if they are not, who seem to have a great passion for it. As for me, I write about my own experiences and my personal take on life. I don’t write to impress others.

Yes, maybe my blog does smack more on men and relationships. Well I’m certainly no expert on this subject but I have gone through enough and seen enough to be able to write about it. And it remains very much a part of my everyday life … simply because I’m still open to relationships, some of which have ended amicably, others bitterly and yet others in beautiful friendships.

Over the years, I have come across many types of men – some of whom you would never have even thought existed! But I take it all in stride and consider this as an adventure. Its amazing how much you can learn about the opposite sex on a single date.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t date men for the sole reason of finding a partner and getting married (that will be another topic for my blog). While I have many girlfriends, I realise that I don’t really have that many male friends whom I can consider friends without any romantic liaisons.

I would seriously love to have some guy friends with whom I could hang out with, without worrying whether he’d want to kiss me at the end of the day. It would be nice to go out for a movie with a guy and be assured that he has no intention of holding my hand or groping me inside the dark cinema. It would be nice to have a guy friend who would double-up as my ‘date’ when I need to attend a social event with a partner and don’t want all those ‘pitying’ looks from people if were to walk in alone.

It would be nice to have a guy friend whom I could call anytime I need someone to talk to, because I’m going through an emotional phase and need a calm, stable, reassuring voice to knock some sense into me. Who better to turn to than a guy when I just can’t fathom the male species and need a guy’s perspective? And not forgetting the occasional warmth embrace that only a man can give to make a woman feel like a little girl again.

So that’s why this year I’ve decided to focus more on finding myself some male buddies rather than get entangled in a romantic relationship. But of course if that knight in shinning armour does come along, he’ll have to get through my buddies first before he can even attempt to rescue this damsel!