Not quite over the hill yet!

I’ll be turning 45 this September – yup I belong to that category of women who will boldly shout out her age from the mountain top. I mean what’s there to be shy or embarrassed about? After all, everyone will grow old one day and it will be much easier if we learn to accept and deal with it now itself, instead of going into a denial mode.

Have I led a much fulfilled life? Well to be honest, I wish there were some things that I could have done when I was younger and there are some things which I still hope to do someday. There are some choices that I wished I had made and some that I wish I hadn’t.

Who know? Maybe my life would have taken an entirely different path had I made some different decisions and choices in life. I won’t lie and say that I have no regrets … I know I do, but I have come to accept who I am, what I have become, the road that I have chosen and where it’s gonna lead me.

Over the years, I’ve met many interesting characters, made new discoveries, learnt new things and experienced both the bitter and sweet that life has thrown at me. All of this I regard as invaluable experiences and memories and believe that everything has happened for a reason.

What next? I honestly don’t know. Will I become an award winning author? Will I strike it big and become a millionaire? Will I end up as a cat woman? No, not that cat woman from the Batman movie, but a ‘cat woman’ as aptly described by my childhood friend, Kim Lean.

Kim Lean had this interesting post on her Facebook one day, which inspired me to write this new posting for my blog. This is what was on her blog: To all those single girls out there, has this ever crossed your mind that you need to find someone fast before you become one of those women who dresses up their pets and calls them her 'children'...and is known as the 'cat woman' & scares away the neighbourhood kids???

Well this was a scary thought, but I knew that I would definitely not be known as the ‘cat woman’ because I prefer dogs to cats anytime (grin). Anyway coming back to my story, this was cause for worry, but then again, do I really want to marry someone just because I’m afraid that I would end up lonely and bitter?

I know of people who got married because they did not want to be left on the shelf. Some are having a happy married life, but there are others who are now paying the price for making that decision out of desperation.

People still tell me, even today, that the reason I’m still single is because I’m choosy, picky, fussy etc etc etc. Well, I don’t have a very long check list of the criteria that a man must meet before I’ll agree to marry him, but there are certain qualities that I hope he would have and I’m quite certain that he too would have certain expectations of me.

Is my ‘Mr Right’ or my ‘Almost Mr Right’ out there somewhere? I really don’t know. If my ‘ideal man’ turns up when I’m in my 50s would I still want to get married? I really don’t know. But if I do, it will be because I have chosen to do so and not because I’m desperate to do so.

Yes I do admit that loneliness does seep in sometimes and then I would long for that special someone. But I’m certainly not going to put my life on hold and wait for my knight in shining armour to ride in and sweep me off my feet. Life goes on and I intend to enjoy each moment that I have with my family and my friends and I will continue pursuing my other dreams.

And to that person I’m fated to be with, ‘Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped and asked for directions … as it is you’re already 15 years late!’

Looking for another kind of hero

Now I know why I’ve always been putting off writing my blog … its because sometimes one just can’t think of what to write. Well, that’s not entirely true … there are many topics in my head but they all seem to be in bits and pieces and putting them together just seems to be too much effort! Blame it on my lazy genes.

On the other hand, I could always write about the ‘hot topic’ of the hour. But then again I would have to find some angle which no one has talked about and that too would take so much effort. You can blame it on my laze genes again!

Someone who read my blog sometime back (back when I used to update it regularly) said that he was not really impressed by it because ‘it lacked substance’ as I only seemed to be talking about men and relationships. Well, that is not entirely true. I do occasionally write about other stuff as well. When I started this blog, I had no intention of making it a political platform. I leave that to people who are more well-versed on the subject and even if they are not, who seem to have a great passion for it. As for me, I write about my own experiences and my personal take on life. I don’t write to impress others.

Yes, maybe my blog does smack more on men and relationships. Well I’m certainly no expert on this subject but I have gone through enough and seen enough to be able to write about it. And it remains very much a part of my everyday life … simply because I’m still open to relationships, some of which have ended amicably, others bitterly and yet others in beautiful friendships.

Over the years, I have come across many types of men – some of whom you would never have even thought existed! But I take it all in stride and consider this as an adventure. Its amazing how much you can learn about the opposite sex on a single date.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t date men for the sole reason of finding a partner and getting married (that will be another topic for my blog). While I have many girlfriends, I realise that I don’t really have that many male friends whom I can consider friends without any romantic liaisons.

I would seriously love to have some guy friends with whom I could hang out with, without worrying whether he’d want to kiss me at the end of the day. It would be nice to go out for a movie with a guy and be assured that he has no intention of holding my hand or groping me inside the dark cinema. It would be nice to have a guy friend who would double-up as my ‘date’ when I need to attend a social event with a partner and don’t want all those ‘pitying’ looks from people if were to walk in alone.

It would be nice to have a guy friend whom I could call anytime I need someone to talk to, because I’m going through an emotional phase and need a calm, stable, reassuring voice to knock some sense into me. Who better to turn to than a guy when I just can’t fathom the male species and need a guy’s perspective? And not forgetting the occasional warmth embrace that only a man can give to make a woman feel like a little girl again.

So that’s why this year I’ve decided to focus more on finding myself some male buddies rather than get entangled in a romantic relationship. But of course if that knight in shinning armour does come along, he’ll have to get through my buddies first before he can even attempt to rescue this damsel!

I'm in charge of my own happiness!

It’s the beginning of a new year, and for most of us it marks the start of a new chapter in our life … one which we hope will have a happy ending. What do most of us hope for at the start of a new year? The most common wishes are for health, wealth, happiness and love. And yes, I’ve received many well-intended wishes of “May you find the man of your dreams this year”.

My love life right now is non-existent and I really don’t know if I need one. It just seems that all the good men are taken or married. And I have met quite some interesting ones who might be great to date, but when it comes to love, it has to be the right guy; someone who’s romantic, intelligent, with a sense of humour and really, personality overrules good looks for me.

But for now, romance can wait. I have different priorities. Life is too short to waste time and I intend to savour and enjoy each moment of it. I want to forget issues of the past and focus on the present and the future. I want to stop being envious of others and be thankful for who I am and what I have. I want to spend more time with my friends and loved ones because I know they will always be there for me.

I want to stop dreaming and start doing. I want to seriously pursue my ambition of writing a book and seeing it published. I want to travel and see the world. I want to smile and laugh more. I want to do something good for others. I want to wake up each morning and thank God for yet another beautiful day.

No, this is not a New Year resolution but merely creating my own happiness and taking charge of my life. Yes, I believe this is going to be a good year indeed!

Mr Right ... He's worth waiting for!

The first question almost everyone asked me when I returned from my overseas holiday was whether I found that someone special while I was there. Well … seeing that I was only there for 2 weeks coupled with the fact that I was not exactly on a husband-hunting mission, I’m afraid that I disappointed quite a number of romantic souls who were quite certain that I’d meet my Mr Right during my trip.

Of course I’ve heard of numerous holiday romances – how single girls go to some foreign country and end up meeting their future spouses. Well good for them and while I admit that I occasionally feel a tinge of envy when I hear such stories, I’m certainly not going to loose any sleep over the fact that I returned home empty-handed (with the exception of the souvenirs, of course).

I’ve often asked myself when will I ever meet that elusive Mr Right, or if I’ll ever meet him. When I was growing up, I had this romantic fantasy of a beautiful wedding gown, a handsome groom, a lovely church wedding, joyous music and songs and where everyone would be so happy for me. Years went by and I stood aside while my friends started getting married one by one and starting their own family.

Slowly that fantasy started to fade away bit by bit and if you ask me today, I can honestly tell you that I can’t remember what that beautiful gown looked liked or what music was it that I had wanted for my wedding. In fact, I vaguely recall ever having such a fantasy because it has receded into a far, distant place in my brain.

I am not bitter or miserable when people so much younger than me share their joy and happiness in having found the love of their life or talk about their wedding plans. Yes, I’m happy for them … happy that they need not go through that uncertainty of life – that uncertainty of wondering if they will ever find the right person.

At the same time I feel sad when I see couples taking their relationships for granted. I ache inside when I hear people say hurtful things about their partners over trivial matters. I feel like screaming at them and telling them that they are lucky to even have someone in their life – and that they should respect and value that person.

My well meaning friends who were so sure that I’d be among the first to get married are surprised to hear that I’m still single. At first they show me sympathy, then they accuse me of being picky and finally they move on to telling me that I’m lucky to be single and not saddled with a husband, kids & in-laws.

At times I do count myself lucky to be single and enjoy the freedom that I have and at other times I feel lonely and wish that there was someone special in my life. And I do sometimes worry that age is catching up with me and wonder if I’ll spend my golden years alone in some home for the elderly.

But once again, I’m not going to loose any sleep over this and am gonna take it one day at a time. If my Mr Right is out there somewhere, he will find me someday … and I’m going to wait patiently because if he is the ONE, then he’s definitely worth waiting for. And if for some reason God did not allocate a Mr Right for me, I’m gonna continue enjoying being who I am because there is still a purpose to my life and I intend to fulfil every second of it.

How y'all doin'?

I am on holiday. I have nothing to say. Back to you Jacqui. :P

Voice of the People

Vox populi, a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people, has finally found a place in the annals of Malaysian history. For the first time since independence, the ruling party which has until now stood on solid ground found itself clawing desperately to victory on a shaky foundation. Albeit a bitter victory which saw the toppling of many of its old warriors and the unfortunate sacrifice of many of its young ones.

Although what has taken place in our country will not be termed as a ‘revolution’, it is indeed a ‘revolution’ of sorts. History teaches us very important lessons about governments and people uprising.

For example, the French Revolution (1789 to 1799) was a major transformation of the society and political system of France. During the course of the Revolution, France was temporarily transformed from an absolute monarchy to a republic of theoretically free and equal citizens.

The effects of the French Revolution was widespread, both inside and outside of France and Revolution ranks as one of the most important events in the history of Europe.

During the ten years of the Revolution, France first transformed and then dismantled the Old Regime, the political and social system that existed in France before 1789, and replaced it with a series of different governments.

Although none of these governments lasted more than four years, the many initiatives they enacted permanently altered France’s political system. These initiatives included the drafting of several bills of rights and constitutions, the establishment of legal equality among all citizens, experiments with representative democracy, the incorporation of the church into the state, and the reconstruction of state administration and the law code.

In sum, the French Revolution did many things, unleashed new forces, destroyed old ideas, offered new promises. Not the Revolution itself, of course, but the people who made it.

The key phrase here is “the people who made it”. It is important for the Government, any Government for that matter, to listen to the voice of the people or ultimately suffer the dire consequences – a bitter lesson that has recently been learned here in our country.

Without the people, the government is nothing but without the government, the people have proven and will continue to prove that they are still a force to be reckoned with.

Malaysians have finally awakened from the slumber of their ‘tidak apa’ attitude. They are no longer willing to ‘close one eye’ to what is happening around them. They are no longer willing to give in to threats of “if you don’t like it, you can pack up your bags and leave”. The Government are our chosen representatives and they should listen to our grievances. We have a right to expect a well-structured and efficient system and our Government should not be afraid to fight for equality and fairness.

People do not make noise for no reason. There is always a reason, no matter how small or trivial it may seem. What sometimes begins as a whisper, will turn into a mummer and then a buzz and before you know it into a loud united voice. Some leaders unfortunately have once too often likened the voice of the people to that of the annoying buzz of a mosquito and simply flick their wrist in the hope of driving the mosquito away.

And when this happens, the people realize that they have no ‘official’ avenue to air their grievances and grouses and so resort to other means of communication like the internet- the blogs, the blogs and through street protests. But even when these measures are dismissed as ‘lies’ and ‘out to cause trouble’, the people turn to the last resort and perhaps most powerful weapon of all – the votes.

Former Selangor Menteri Besar Datuk Khir Toyo so aptly and symbolically presented inefficient departments with the broom as an indication that they needed to clean up their acts. Now the people of Malaysia have through their recent votes given a clear indication to the Government that they have to clean up their act or risked being “swept off from power”.


Perhaps this lesson has come a tad too late for Barisan Nasional, but there is still hope and room for improvement if they want to continue ruling the country after this next 5-year term is up.

So its time you came down from your high horses and listened to the grass-roots. But if you continue to ignore the voice of the people, then the people won’t be so forgiving the next time. It is we the people who have voted you into power and it is we the same people who can vote you out of power.

Pssst ... have you heard the latest?

Name-calling, mud-slinging, malicious slander, accusations, denials, scandals, gossip … no, I’m not talking about the latest soap-opera ala Dynasty or Dallas that has hit our TV network, but the high-fevered election campaign that is currently taking place.

Am I shocked by all this? Certainly not! In fact it has become a great source of amusement for me and I’m happy to say that I now leave my house with a smile every morning after reading the newspapers.

It is quite obvious that the word ‘integrity’ appears to be a foreign term or even a missing element in many of our candidates regardless of which party they belong to. Yes, one must campaign to ensure that the voters will vote for him or her, but stooping low to do a character assassination on another person or back-stabbing someone is certainly not the right attitude to have for someone who hopes to represent the masses or who hopes to lead the country.

We always tell our children that it is wrong for us to talk bad about someone or to lie about something. Even religion teaches us to differentiate what is right and what is wrong. For example, Christians are taught that it is a sin to ‘Bear false witness against our neighbour’ and likewise I’m sure that the other religions have similar teachings or commandments. Well, how then are we going to explain all these slander and accusations etc that appear in the newspapers every day? Yes, some of us can easily say that this happens all over the world. But why would we want to ape the world in doing something that should not be part of our culture?

Why is it impossible for candidates to have faith in their own ability and base their campaign solely on their experience (if any), their capabilities and on what they can deliver, if elected.

On another note, I am also amused at the numerous complaints being hurled at the candidates. ‘Why is the drain clogged?’, ‘Why is the rubbish by the roadside not collected?’, ‘Why are more youngsters involved in crime?’ When we point a finger at someone, we have to realise that three fingers are pointing back at us.

Why do drains get clogged up? It’s because WE throw all sorts of rubbish in it. Why is there so much rubbish by the roadside? It’s because WE dump the rubbish there. ‘Why are more youngsters involved in crime? It’s because WE as parents are too busy to spend time with our kids or to find out what our children are up to.

The election is not only a time of soul-searching for the candidates alone.
Can we honestly say, hand on heart, that we have truly been law-abiding citizens? That we have always strived to keep our environment clean? That we have been socially and morally conscious of our obligations? That we have never offered a bribe, that we have never resorted to paying some under-table money for a favour, that we have never parked our cars illegally, that we have never purchased illegal VCDs, that we have never broke traffic rules, that we have never jumped queues, that we have never cheated anyone … the list goes on.

Dare we be like William Shakespeare who said, “The good I stand on is my truth and honesty.”