Obsession? Lust? Desire? Love?

I’ve just finished reading a book called ‘The Chocolate Lovers’ Club’ by Carole Matthews. Some women are addicted to shopping; others can’t get enough of diamonds, but the four characters in the book – Lucy, Autumn, Nadia and Chantal – can’t live without chocolates – rich, creamy, delicious chocolates.

Call them passionate, call them addicts, the four women form a select group known as the ‘Chocolate Lovers Club’. Whenever there is a crisis, they meet in their sanctuary, a café called Chocolate Heaven. The book is basically about these four women who are from totally different worlds but united in their passion for chocolate.

While reading the book I couldn’t help thinking that there are actually people
out there who just can’t live without a daily dose of chocolate – just like people who can’t go through a day without smoking a cigarette.


Is chocolate something to fear - is it really a curse?
Is it something to be avoided, or is it much worse?
Or... is chocolate the eighth wonder? Is it a total delight?
Something you savour for so long? Or love with all your might?

So is eating chocolates really an obsession? Most of us just love chocolates. In fact chocolate is the most frequently craved food in women, and many women describe themselves as ‘chocoholics’. Chocoholics insist that it is habit-forming, that it produces an instant feeling of well-being, and even that abstinence leads to withdrawal symptoms.

Although some people like to say that there are similarities between eating chocolate and drug use, generally researchers believe that chocolate “addiction” is not a true addiction.

While chocolate does contain potentially mood-altering substances, these are all found in higher concentrations in other less appealing foods such as broccoli. A combination of chocolate’s sensory characteristics — sweetness, texture and aroma — nutrients, and chemicals, together with hormonal and mood swings, largely explains chocolate cravings.

Let’s just say that eating chocolates puts us in a better mood - keeping us in touch with the child within. Whether it is peanut butter flavoured chocolates, chocolate covered raisins, or creamy white chocolate, we will be experiencing utter satisfaction when we indulge ourselves. It's hard to explain, but only true chocolate lovers will understand this. But let me try to explain anyway.

Is there anything more delicate and romantic than chocolate? Its mysterious, it’s heavenly, it brings a smile to our face and a song to our lips.

What do most of us turn to when we are tired and need to recharge our bodies? The alluring and yummy chocolate of course!

Very few people do not actually like chocolate. It is almost a heresy! They are perfectly conscious about the delicious taste of chocolate, but they just cannot savour it and I pity them because they are missing out on one of the greatest gifts of all!

There is a wide variety of chocolate types on the market today; they suit every taste and each personality - Hazelnut chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, fruit chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, semi-sweet chocolate, white chocolate, oh, I can go on and on. You name it - there are plenty of varieties and assortments that will surely suit your taste and you’ll find your favourite - even if we cannot like all of them just the same.

Chocolate often represents a very nice gift especially for the fair sex, because the magic of a well-made chocolate is very much associated with the feminine charm and touch.

I just love chocolates! We were created to savour every single moment of our life! So, no wonder that when exhausted, we most certainly turn to chocolate for comfort. It puts our natural balance back on track and surely tastes so good … a real pleasure!

Can anyone describe the taste of chocolate? Yes, I think we can … yet when you think about it, “you have to taste it and you’ll know” sounds more realistic then all verbal descriptions. Chocolate is meant to be eaten, not talked about! That’s the best part after all!

What if ... I had married you?

I met up with an old friend recently. We used to go out … many moons ago … when I was in my 20s. We enjoyed each other’s company and didn’t have any major issues with one another then. He was nice and likeable and a perfect gentleman. He was hard-working and knew what he wanted out of life … a great career and a great family life, i.e. wife & kids. Somewhere along the way, he had equated me into his perfectly balanced life.

Unfortunately, I was still young and marriage was the furthest thing from my mind at that point in my life. Since I could not give him what he wanted, he started seeing other girls and eventually met someone and settled down. We kept in touch off and on – the usual birthday, Christmas and New Year greetings and the once in a while ‘Hi how are you doing’ call.

After numerous promises of catching up in person, we finally managed to get together. He hadn’t changed much – still the nice, likeable, perfect gentleman. It was quite easy to just catch up on stuff. Of course he wanted to know why I was still single after all this time … I had no plausible answer because I have now come to the stage where I don’t want to make excuses for myself or for others.

I don’t know … maybe he was trying to convince me how great being married was because he couldn’t stop talking about his wonderful wife and kids and how much meaningful his life was now. I was happy for him … truly … but what he said next was quite unexpected. He told me that he had often wondered what it would have been like if he had married me. While he went on to assure me that he loved his wife etc, he was often besieged by this thought about ‘us’ and what might have been.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say because I had long given up on thinking about guys who may or may not have ‘slipped through my fingers’ as one of my friends nicely put it. Yes I met quite a number of interesting guys over the years … but for some reason or other, marriage was not on the cards … either for them or for me … for one reason or other.

I feel that there is no point looking back and asking myself whether I had made the right decision in letting them go. What’s the point of wondering what my life would have been like had I become Mrs So-and-So … I am not, so there!

Anyway, for old time’s sake, I just sat back in my chair, looked at my friend and tried to imagine what it would have been like if I had married him. I tried to imagine a life with him and as much as I liked him and as much as I think he would have made a good husband, I just could not picture the two of us together.

Has it ever occurred to him that the reason why I may ‘appear’ to be attractive, enticing, sexy, funny, intelligent, confident etc is precisely because I’m no longer within reach! Remember the saying … A forbidden fruit often seems much more tempting just because they are forbidden!

So instead of sitting and wistfully day-dreaming about a life that could have been, we should appreciate the life we are leading now and give thanks for what we have been blessed with. As for me, I’m looking forward to what surprises life has in store for me. So now excuse me while I go sit by the window in case my Prince Charming happens to pass by.

Not quite over the hill yet!

I’ll be turning 45 this September – yup I belong to that category of women who will boldly shout out her age from the mountain top. I mean what’s there to be shy or embarrassed about? After all, everyone will grow old one day and it will be much easier if we learn to accept and deal with it now itself, instead of going into a denial mode.

Have I led a much fulfilled life? Well to be honest, I wish there were some things that I could have done when I was younger and there are some things which I still hope to do someday. There are some choices that I wished I had made and some that I wish I hadn’t.

Who know? Maybe my life would have taken an entirely different path had I made some different decisions and choices in life. I won’t lie and say that I have no regrets … I know I do, but I have come to accept who I am, what I have become, the road that I have chosen and where it’s gonna lead me.

Over the years, I’ve met many interesting characters, made new discoveries, learnt new things and experienced both the bitter and sweet that life has thrown at me. All of this I regard as invaluable experiences and memories and believe that everything has happened for a reason.

What next? I honestly don’t know. Will I become an award winning author? Will I strike it big and become a millionaire? Will I end up as a cat woman? No, not that cat woman from the Batman movie, but a ‘cat woman’ as aptly described by my childhood friend, Kim Lean.

Kim Lean had this interesting post on her Facebook one day, which inspired me to write this new posting for my blog. This is what was on her blog: To all those single girls out there, has this ever crossed your mind that you need to find someone fast before you become one of those women who dresses up their pets and calls them her 'children'...and is known as the 'cat woman' & scares away the neighbourhood kids???

Well this was a scary thought, but I knew that I would definitely not be known as the ‘cat woman’ because I prefer dogs to cats anytime (grin). Anyway coming back to my story, this was cause for worry, but then again, do I really want to marry someone just because I’m afraid that I would end up lonely and bitter?

I know of people who got married because they did not want to be left on the shelf. Some are having a happy married life, but there are others who are now paying the price for making that decision out of desperation.

People still tell me, even today, that the reason I’m still single is because I’m choosy, picky, fussy etc etc etc. Well, I don’t have a very long check list of the criteria that a man must meet before I’ll agree to marry him, but there are certain qualities that I hope he would have and I’m quite certain that he too would have certain expectations of me.

Is my ‘Mr Right’ or my ‘Almost Mr Right’ out there somewhere? I really don’t know. If my ‘ideal man’ turns up when I’m in my 50s would I still want to get married? I really don’t know. But if I do, it will be because I have chosen to do so and not because I’m desperate to do so.

Yes I do admit that loneliness does seep in sometimes and then I would long for that special someone. But I’m certainly not going to put my life on hold and wait for my knight in shining armour to ride in and sweep me off my feet. Life goes on and I intend to enjoy each moment that I have with my family and my friends and I will continue pursuing my other dreams.

And to that person I’m fated to be with, ‘Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped and asked for directions … as it is you’re already 15 years late!’

Looking for another kind of hero

Now I know why I’ve always been putting off writing my blog … its because sometimes one just can’t think of what to write. Well, that’s not entirely true … there are many topics in my head but they all seem to be in bits and pieces and putting them together just seems to be too much effort! Blame it on my lazy genes.

On the other hand, I could always write about the ‘hot topic’ of the hour. But then again I would have to find some angle which no one has talked about and that too would take so much effort. You can blame it on my laze genes again!

Someone who read my blog sometime back (back when I used to update it regularly) said that he was not really impressed by it because ‘it lacked substance’ as I only seemed to be talking about men and relationships. Well, that is not entirely true. I do occasionally write about other stuff as well. When I started this blog, I had no intention of making it a political platform. I leave that to people who are more well-versed on the subject and even if they are not, who seem to have a great passion for it. As for me, I write about my own experiences and my personal take on life. I don’t write to impress others.

Yes, maybe my blog does smack more on men and relationships. Well I’m certainly no expert on this subject but I have gone through enough and seen enough to be able to write about it. And it remains very much a part of my everyday life … simply because I’m still open to relationships, some of which have ended amicably, others bitterly and yet others in beautiful friendships.

Over the years, I have come across many types of men – some of whom you would never have even thought existed! But I take it all in stride and consider this as an adventure. Its amazing how much you can learn about the opposite sex on a single date.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t date men for the sole reason of finding a partner and getting married (that will be another topic for my blog). While I have many girlfriends, I realise that I don’t really have that many male friends whom I can consider friends without any romantic liaisons.

I would seriously love to have some guy friends with whom I could hang out with, without worrying whether he’d want to kiss me at the end of the day. It would be nice to go out for a movie with a guy and be assured that he has no intention of holding my hand or groping me inside the dark cinema. It would be nice to have a guy friend who would double-up as my ‘date’ when I need to attend a social event with a partner and don’t want all those ‘pitying’ looks from people if were to walk in alone.

It would be nice to have a guy friend whom I could call anytime I need someone to talk to, because I’m going through an emotional phase and need a calm, stable, reassuring voice to knock some sense into me. Who better to turn to than a guy when I just can’t fathom the male species and need a guy’s perspective? And not forgetting the occasional warmth embrace that only a man can give to make a woman feel like a little girl again.

So that’s why this year I’ve decided to focus more on finding myself some male buddies rather than get entangled in a romantic relationship. But of course if that knight in shinning armour does come along, he’ll have to get through my buddies first before he can even attempt to rescue this damsel!

I'm in charge of my own happiness!

It’s the beginning of a new year, and for most of us it marks the start of a new chapter in our life … one which we hope will have a happy ending. What do most of us hope for at the start of a new year? The most common wishes are for health, wealth, happiness and love. And yes, I’ve received many well-intended wishes of “May you find the man of your dreams this year”.

My love life right now is non-existent and I really don’t know if I need one. It just seems that all the good men are taken or married. And I have met quite some interesting ones who might be great to date, but when it comes to love, it has to be the right guy; someone who’s romantic, intelligent, with a sense of humour and really, personality overrules good looks for me.

But for now, romance can wait. I have different priorities. Life is too short to waste time and I intend to savour and enjoy each moment of it. I want to forget issues of the past and focus on the present and the future. I want to stop being envious of others and be thankful for who I am and what I have. I want to spend more time with my friends and loved ones because I know they will always be there for me.

I want to stop dreaming and start doing. I want to seriously pursue my ambition of writing a book and seeing it published. I want to travel and see the world. I want to smile and laugh more. I want to do something good for others. I want to wake up each morning and thank God for yet another beautiful day.

No, this is not a New Year resolution but merely creating my own happiness and taking charge of my life. Yes, I believe this is going to be a good year indeed!

Mr Right ... He's worth waiting for!

The first question almost everyone asked me when I returned from my overseas holiday was whether I found that someone special while I was there. Well … seeing that I was only there for 2 weeks coupled with the fact that I was not exactly on a husband-hunting mission, I’m afraid that I disappointed quite a number of romantic souls who were quite certain that I’d meet my Mr Right during my trip.

Of course I’ve heard of numerous holiday romances – how single girls go to some foreign country and end up meeting their future spouses. Well good for them and while I admit that I occasionally feel a tinge of envy when I hear such stories, I’m certainly not going to loose any sleep over the fact that I returned home empty-handed (with the exception of the souvenirs, of course).

I’ve often asked myself when will I ever meet that elusive Mr Right, or if I’ll ever meet him. When I was growing up, I had this romantic fantasy of a beautiful wedding gown, a handsome groom, a lovely church wedding, joyous music and songs and where everyone would be so happy for me. Years went by and I stood aside while my friends started getting married one by one and starting their own family.

Slowly that fantasy started to fade away bit by bit and if you ask me today, I can honestly tell you that I can’t remember what that beautiful gown looked liked or what music was it that I had wanted for my wedding. In fact, I vaguely recall ever having such a fantasy because it has receded into a far, distant place in my brain.

I am not bitter or miserable when people so much younger than me share their joy and happiness in having found the love of their life or talk about their wedding plans. Yes, I’m happy for them … happy that they need not go through that uncertainty of life – that uncertainty of wondering if they will ever find the right person.

At the same time I feel sad when I see couples taking their relationships for granted. I ache inside when I hear people say hurtful things about their partners over trivial matters. I feel like screaming at them and telling them that they are lucky to even have someone in their life – and that they should respect and value that person.

My well meaning friends who were so sure that I’d be among the first to get married are surprised to hear that I’m still single. At first they show me sympathy, then they accuse me of being picky and finally they move on to telling me that I’m lucky to be single and not saddled with a husband, kids & in-laws.

At times I do count myself lucky to be single and enjoy the freedom that I have and at other times I feel lonely and wish that there was someone special in my life. And I do sometimes worry that age is catching up with me and wonder if I’ll spend my golden years alone in some home for the elderly.

But once again, I’m not going to loose any sleep over this and am gonna take it one day at a time. If my Mr Right is out there somewhere, he will find me someday … and I’m going to wait patiently because if he is the ONE, then he’s definitely worth waiting for. And if for some reason God did not allocate a Mr Right for me, I’m gonna continue enjoying being who I am because there is still a purpose to my life and I intend to fulfil every second of it.

How y'all doin'?

I am on holiday. I have nothing to say. Back to you Jacqui. :P