It's Great to be Back

Wow I just realised that it’s been more than two years since I last updated my blog … guess I really deserve the title ‘Queen of Procrastination’. Well anyway as they say better late than never … and so here I am. I don’t have any specific topic this time round, just thought that I’d let the pen flow (okay technically I’m not writing with a pen … ) so I’m letting my fingers fly across the keyboard and just typing out whatever comes to mind. And in no particular order of importance … First let’s start with my New Year Resolutions … that’s not going to take long coz I didn’t make any. Second … My love life … well, it’s non-existent but thank you for asking. Third … My job … let’s not go there. Fourth … My plans to lose weight … let's just says there’s still a lot of me to love. Fifth … My book collection … I have a treasure trove and hope to finish reading as many as possible this year. Sixth … Travel plans … Yup there’s bound to be lots of this within Malaysia and God-willing, at least one trip abroad. Seventh … My faith life … still up and running … thanks to all my ‘hawt men of the cloth’. Eight, Ninth and Ten … I’ll relegate this to the etc etc etc category. Ok maybe I ‘lied’ about not making any New Year Resolutions – I did resolve to start blogging again, and so here’s my first post for the year 2015. Hope to be back with more interesting thoughts and reflections … so do drop into my chambers from time to time.

Make Sure You're There!

I have what some people might term as a ‘morbid’ fascination in reading the obituaries every morning. Don’t get me wrong … I don’t get my morning adrenaline fix from reading about someone’s demise … I just automatically turn to that page every morning. It’s not a habit I picked up lately, but it has been a ‘ritual’ that I’ve followed faithfully for as long as I can remember.

Anyway while I was browsing through the obituaries one morning, this thought suddenly struck me … “Which photo of mine will my family use for my obituary?” “Oh my God, I hope they don’t use any of the photos which I took for official purposes, i.e. passport, IC, driving license (yeah yeah I do have a license you know!). Those photos are just awful!”

Hmmm … would they insert a long obituary or a short one? Would they include a poem? What about the funeral arrangements? Would they know to invite my favourite priests to concelebrate at the funeral Mass? More importantly, would the priests make the time to come for my funeral? What about the songs? I really don’t want any typical sad, forlorn funeral hymns. I want something that will leave people with a nice, warm feeling – something joyful and memorable … in fact I think I want to do away with the church choir. I want my friends (who have been blessed with the ability to sing) to make up the choir – well it’s the least they can do for me!

I’ve already ‘reserved’ my best friend to deliver my eulogy … hmmm … wonder if I should ask her to give me a first draft for editing and approval???

I think I should die on a Thursday … maybe in the afternoon or evening – so this will leave Friday for people to come show their respects and then the funeral can be held on a Saturday (saves most people the hassle of having to take leave) … see … even in death, I’m being so thoughtful! And I think a closed casket would be better coz I’d prefer to leave people with a memorable image of me, not one of me lying in the coffin and not looking anything like myself! Talk about vanity even in death!

Do you think having a dress rehearsal for a funeral would be taking it a bit too far??? Oh and on that final note, since I won’t be able to send out personal invitations, you are all invited to my funeral … Just make sure you start checking out the obituaries for the next 20 years or so!

I am Woman

I am Woman. I come in many shapes, shades and temperaments. I am soft, delicate and fragile like a flower, but not to be taken lightly. I stand on my own two feet, I depend on no one.

I am Woman. I am strong, beautiful, unique, a fighter and survivor. I am irresistible, seductive, sexy, and voluptuous.

I play many roles … daughter, sister, aunt, friend … I can be good and nice and I can be bad and wild. Looking great like a woman should, I stand out like a skyscraper, strong and tall.

I am not afraid to face challenges, nothing holds me down. I’m always ready for the next round. I do need love from a good man, a man that’s not afraid to be with someone like me. But if I can’t find a man, that’s alright with me.

I am Woman seducing you with the swing of my hips, temptation at its best. My soft curves and my beautiful tresses are longing for your soft caress. I am defined by my mind not my beauty. One look in my eyes and you are mesmerized by my strength, my dedication and strive to survive.

I’m proud and determined. I let no one lead me astray me from my ambitions. I’m gentle and sensitive, but I fight my battles and have won many wars. I am proud to display all of my scars.

I am Woman. I have been through a lot of struggles. I have loved hard and worked hard and sometimes I have lost. But I always pick myself up to give life another shot.

I am proud of my womanhood. I am proud of who I am. I am independent, strong willed and I am a provider. Some say I have a nurturing spirit, others like my flamboyant style. And some like to say that I love driving men wild.

I love who I am, every single part of me. I’m not perfect but I am a wonderful sight to see.

I am Woman and you must agree, that there is certainly no other like me!

New Beginnings …

We’re almost coming to the end of December and it’s coming to that time of year again, when we search the drawers for our journal that was thrust into the deep corner, dust off the cover and peek inside to see the New Year resolutions that were enthusiastically jotted down at the start of the year. A list that holds our dreams, hopes and aspirations …

To each of us the resolutions may have differed - health & fitness, personal development, career, relationship, financial success etc. However, as we now ponder over our list of 10 resolutions or more, we’d probably realize that we barely made it past the first one or two.

Our intentions are always good, no doubt – we seek for ways to improve ourselves and we always like to find a significant date to start something new … so why not the New Year? Unfortunately we sometimes look at the larger picture … we’re too ambitious and want to do things on a large scale instead of taking baby steps. In the process, we end up putting undue stress on ourselves … we end up with unfulfilled promises.

I do admit that for many years, I’ve also been guilty of the same. I start off with noble intentions and somewhere along the way, I digress … I give up and I go back to being my old self. Maybe it’s because my resolutions were never my ‘own’ to begin with – it was probably ‘thrust’ upon me by some well meaning family member or friend or colleague who in all genuine concern believed that ‘these’ were the things that I should change about myself – my weight, my appearance etc; that these were the dreams and ambitions that I should resolve to achieve; that this was the financial plan I should work on; that this was the attitude I should adopt in order to be happy or to find that someone special …

Then one day I just told myself that it’s not necessary for me to make any ‘New Year’ resolutions. It’s not necessary for me to strictly adhere to or confine myself to a list of ‘do’s & don’ts that’s written in black and white. I can start with small manageable things like changing my attitude; being nicer to people around me; learning to be more patient and understanding; being a good friend; spending more time with my family and loved ones; managing my time more productively; sharing my talents more generously; being kind in thought, word and deed; deepening my faith and prayer life etc. And of course not neglecting my health and general well-being so even if the gym or a hard work-out is not my cup of tea, I can begin by going for walks and keeping active in simple enjoyable ways. I don’t have to go on a ‘salad only’ diet but be more conscious of the types of food I consume. Yes, and I can still indulge in that occasional ice cream or chocolate cake or candy bar and not exceed my limitations.

I’m not saying that we should stop making resolutions – yes, sometimes we do need resolutions to keep us focused … but it should not be at the expense of our happiness, our freedom or even our individuality. So when you sit down to plan your Resolutions for 2012, remember these words by Barbara de Angelis, “No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.”



Happy New Year folks and may each one of us be blessed with all that is wonderful in 2012!

Of Tamil Serials and Real-life Situations

I’m a Tamil serial addict … blame my mum for that. Well initially I used to get irritated whenever mum sat down to watch all these serials … oh btw she has sole rights to the TV from 6.30pm to 11pm every night (to watch the news, a couple of health/social documentaries and the Tamil serials), with the exceptions of weekends when I get to watch my favourite programmes … and that too because the serials only run from Mondays to Fridays. And yes, mum gets the TV back around 4pm for the Malayalam movies on Saturday and the Tamil movies on Sunday.

Ok back to my irritation and eventual addiction … at first I used to leave mum alone to watch her serials in peace while I went upstairs and surfed the internet. I tried to watch some of the serials but I would get angry at the sheer absurdity of what was going on. I mean really … the romance, the parents who are against the relationship, the baddie (usually a male or female who is in love with the hero/heroine but was rejected and is now out to extract revenge .. yes they do have female baddies too), the henchmen (usually of dark complexion, long unkept hair and the ability to whisk out a parang from the back of their shirt without even so much as a nick), the friends of the hero/heroine who will go to great lengths to help them out whenever they are in a jam, the policemen who arrest and beat up the good guys just because some baddie (who is usually rich and powerful) told them to do so, the doctors who refuse to treat a patient unless you show them the money first or who refuse to admit someone who has been beaten up/stabbed/shot/tried to commit suicide … because “this is a police case”.

Eventually I realized that I was being selfish. Mum is alone at home all day and deprived of company and looks forward to my return after work and the times that I used to sit and watch the serials with her, she loved to keep me up to speed about what was happening. Soon I started to join here and got caught up with the plot … of course I would still point out everything and anything that didn’t make sense and the fact that most of the heroes/heroines in these serials had a martyr complex … I mean seriously … someone financially ruins your entire family, causes you to lose your job/have a miscarriage, tries to kill you, tries to kill your husband/wife, gets you arrested on a false murder charge, causes a rift between your siblings/partner and you, kidnaps your child … you get the picture … and the person in question remains unruffled and is so ready to forgive and forget!

Another thing which continues to baffle me is the ability of the baddie to repeat word for word a private conversation that took place between the protagonist and someone else regardless of which part of the world the conversation took place, hence providing the baddie with the upper hand to always stay one step ahead in his/her quest for revenge. Oh yes and how can I forget the ‘stupidity’ of some people who when confronting the baddie, will tell him/her exactly in detail what they are going to do, i.e. I have evidence against you which I’m keeping in my bedroom in the brown oak cabinet in the 3rd drawer underneath my pile of sarees and the key for the cabinet is hanging on a chain around my neck and I’m going to pass this evidence to the police and make sure that you go to jail etc etc (of course if this evidence is in the form of documents or photographs, the protagonist neglects to make copies and so if the baddie decides to steal it, we’re back to square one).

And then we have the parents who will go to great lengths to stop their beloved child (this is the rich family) from getting married to their one true love who just happens to be poor or from a different caste etc. Heck, one father even went to the extent of killing his daughter just because she married a poor fella. To this father, honour was more important than anything else. Of course we can easily say that this is just TV – not reality. Sad to say, some of it is based on real life.

I’m sure all of you would have read about honour killings that take place in India, Pakistan and many Middle-Eastern countries or would have heard about parents/relatives who were against love marriages.

And this brings me to the actual reason for this blog posting. My friend Laura* has been in a relationship with David* for about 2 1/2 years now (names have been changed to protect privacy etc etc etc). She is quite sure that this is the man that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and so has introduced him to some of her close friends and her family. Now David on the other hand, has yet to publicly acknowledge Laura as his girlfriend. Although Laura has been to his house and met his parents, it was always under the guise of “she’s just a friend”. The reason for David’s hesitancy is that his mother has a vision of how her future daughter-in-law should be and I guess that Laura does not fit into this mould. David is the only boy in his family and the mother wants to ensure that the future generation comes from a certain ‘good stock’.

I’ve never met David’s mother personally but somehow she sounds like one of those mothers from the Tamil serials who will be totally against her son’s choice of a life partner. In fact she has even gone to the extent of selecting several prospective brides for him (complete with photo and biodata etc) and asked him to choose. What irked me is that when David’s mother asked him if he was seeing anyone, he didn’t have the guts to say yes – I mean … hello … you have been with this girl for more than 2 years now … what’s your problem?

The way I see it, David is either scared shit of his mother or he’s not really sure if Laura is the right one for him (although he always tells he that she is the one).



Anyway to cut a long story short, Laura has finally given David an ultimatum – “Tell your parents (particularly mummy dearest) about me or I’ll walk”. I know that in the event David goes against his mother’s wishes and marries Laura anyway, his mum won’t actually resort to murder or anything of that sort, but she will probably be upset and may cut ties with their son – and that’s what Laura doesn’t want. For her, it’s important to have the blessings of both families.

What I don’t understand is why parents feel that they have the right to decide whom their child should or should not marry. If the person they are in love with is a good, honest person who will make their partner happy, why stand in their way? Why should your child marry someone just because you think it is the right choice for them? After all, your time will soon pass and your child is the one who’s left behind to spend the rest of his/her life with this person. Even if he/she makes a mistake in choosing a life partner, let it be … ultimately it’s their life, not yours, so don’t turn their lives and yours into a Tamil serial.

Obsession? Lust? Desire? Love?

I’ve just finished reading a book called ‘The Chocolate Lovers’ Club’ by Carole Matthews. Some women are addicted to shopping; others can’t get enough of diamonds, but the four characters in the book – Lucy, Autumn, Nadia and Chantal – can’t live without chocolates – rich, creamy, delicious chocolates.

Call them passionate, call them addicts, the four women form a select group known as the ‘Chocolate Lovers Club’. Whenever there is a crisis, they meet in their sanctuary, a café called Chocolate Heaven. The book is basically about these four women who are from totally different worlds but united in their passion for chocolate.

While reading the book I couldn’t help thinking that there are actually people
out there who just can’t live without a daily dose of chocolate – just like people who can’t go through a day without smoking a cigarette.


Is chocolate something to fear - is it really a curse?
Is it something to be avoided, or is it much worse?
Or... is chocolate the eighth wonder? Is it a total delight?
Something you savour for so long? Or love with all your might?

So is eating chocolates really an obsession? Most of us just love chocolates. In fact chocolate is the most frequently craved food in women, and many women describe themselves as ‘chocoholics’. Chocoholics insist that it is habit-forming, that it produces an instant feeling of well-being, and even that abstinence leads to withdrawal symptoms.

Although some people like to say that there are similarities between eating chocolate and drug use, generally researchers believe that chocolate “addiction” is not a true addiction.

While chocolate does contain potentially mood-altering substances, these are all found in higher concentrations in other less appealing foods such as broccoli. A combination of chocolate’s sensory characteristics — sweetness, texture and aroma — nutrients, and chemicals, together with hormonal and mood swings, largely explains chocolate cravings.

Let’s just say that eating chocolates puts us in a better mood - keeping us in touch with the child within. Whether it is peanut butter flavoured chocolates, chocolate covered raisins, or creamy white chocolate, we will be experiencing utter satisfaction when we indulge ourselves. It's hard to explain, but only true chocolate lovers will understand this. But let me try to explain anyway.

Is there anything more delicate and romantic than chocolate? Its mysterious, it’s heavenly, it brings a smile to our face and a song to our lips.

What do most of us turn to when we are tired and need to recharge our bodies? The alluring and yummy chocolate of course!

Very few people do not actually like chocolate. It is almost a heresy! They are perfectly conscious about the delicious taste of chocolate, but they just cannot savour it and I pity them because they are missing out on one of the greatest gifts of all!

There is a wide variety of chocolate types on the market today; they suit every taste and each personality - Hazelnut chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, fruit chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, semi-sweet chocolate, white chocolate, oh, I can go on and on. You name it - there are plenty of varieties and assortments that will surely suit your taste and you’ll find your favourite - even if we cannot like all of them just the same.

Chocolate often represents a very nice gift especially for the fair sex, because the magic of a well-made chocolate is very much associated with the feminine charm and touch.

I just love chocolates! We were created to savour every single moment of our life! So, no wonder that when exhausted, we most certainly turn to chocolate for comfort. It puts our natural balance back on track and surely tastes so good … a real pleasure!

Can anyone describe the taste of chocolate? Yes, I think we can … yet when you think about it, “you have to taste it and you’ll know” sounds more realistic then all verbal descriptions. Chocolate is meant to be eaten, not talked about! That’s the best part after all!

What if ... I had married you?

I met up with an old friend recently. We used to go out … many moons ago … when I was in my 20s. We enjoyed each other’s company and didn’t have any major issues with one another then. He was nice and likeable and a perfect gentleman. He was hard-working and knew what he wanted out of life … a great career and a great family life, i.e. wife & kids. Somewhere along the way, he had equated me into his perfectly balanced life.

Unfortunately, I was still young and marriage was the furthest thing from my mind at that point in my life. Since I could not give him what he wanted, he started seeing other girls and eventually met someone and settled down. We kept in touch off and on – the usual birthday, Christmas and New Year greetings and the once in a while ‘Hi how are you doing’ call.

After numerous promises of catching up in person, we finally managed to get together. He hadn’t changed much – still the nice, likeable, perfect gentleman. It was quite easy to just catch up on stuff. Of course he wanted to know why I was still single after all this time … I had no plausible answer because I have now come to the stage where I don’t want to make excuses for myself or for others.

I don’t know … maybe he was trying to convince me how great being married was because he couldn’t stop talking about his wonderful wife and kids and how much meaningful his life was now. I was happy for him … truly … but what he said next was quite unexpected. He told me that he had often wondered what it would have been like if he had married me. While he went on to assure me that he loved his wife etc, he was often besieged by this thought about ‘us’ and what might have been.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say because I had long given up on thinking about guys who may or may not have ‘slipped through my fingers’ as one of my friends nicely put it. Yes I met quite a number of interesting guys over the years … but for some reason or other, marriage was not on the cards … either for them or for me … for one reason or other.

I feel that there is no point looking back and asking myself whether I had made the right decision in letting them go. What’s the point of wondering what my life would have been like had I become Mrs So-and-So … I am not, so there!

Anyway, for old time’s sake, I just sat back in my chair, looked at my friend and tried to imagine what it would have been like if I had married him. I tried to imagine a life with him and as much as I liked him and as much as I think he would have made a good husband, I just could not picture the two of us together.

Has it ever occurred to him that the reason why I may ‘appear’ to be attractive, enticing, sexy, funny, intelligent, confident etc is precisely because I’m no longer within reach! Remember the saying … A forbidden fruit often seems much more tempting just because they are forbidden!

So instead of sitting and wistfully day-dreaming about a life that could have been, we should appreciate the life we are leading now and give thanks for what we have been blessed with. As for me, I’m looking forward to what surprises life has in store for me. So now excuse me while I go sit by the window in case my Prince Charming happens to pass by.

Not quite over the hill yet!

I’ll be turning 45 this September – yup I belong to that category of women who will boldly shout out her age from the mountain top. I mean what’s there to be shy or embarrassed about? After all, everyone will grow old one day and it will be much easier if we learn to accept and deal with it now itself, instead of going into a denial mode.

Have I led a much fulfilled life? Well to be honest, I wish there were some things that I could have done when I was younger and there are some things which I still hope to do someday. There are some choices that I wished I had made and some that I wish I hadn’t.

Who know? Maybe my life would have taken an entirely different path had I made some different decisions and choices in life. I won’t lie and say that I have no regrets … I know I do, but I have come to accept who I am, what I have become, the road that I have chosen and where it’s gonna lead me.

Over the years, I’ve met many interesting characters, made new discoveries, learnt new things and experienced both the bitter and sweet that life has thrown at me. All of this I regard as invaluable experiences and memories and believe that everything has happened for a reason.

What next? I honestly don’t know. Will I become an award winning author? Will I strike it big and become a millionaire? Will I end up as a cat woman? No, not that cat woman from the Batman movie, but a ‘cat woman’ as aptly described by my childhood friend, Kim Lean.

Kim Lean had this interesting post on her Facebook one day, which inspired me to write this new posting for my blog. This is what was on her blog: To all those single girls out there, has this ever crossed your mind that you need to find someone fast before you become one of those women who dresses up their pets and calls them her 'children'...and is known as the 'cat woman' & scares away the neighbourhood kids???

Well this was a scary thought, but I knew that I would definitely not be known as the ‘cat woman’ because I prefer dogs to cats anytime (grin). Anyway coming back to my story, this was cause for worry, but then again, do I really want to marry someone just because I’m afraid that I would end up lonely and bitter?

I know of people who got married because they did not want to be left on the shelf. Some are having a happy married life, but there are others who are now paying the price for making that decision out of desperation.

People still tell me, even today, that the reason I’m still single is because I’m choosy, picky, fussy etc etc etc. Well, I don’t have a very long check list of the criteria that a man must meet before I’ll agree to marry him, but there are certain qualities that I hope he would have and I’m quite certain that he too would have certain expectations of me.

Is my ‘Mr Right’ or my ‘Almost Mr Right’ out there somewhere? I really don’t know. If my ‘ideal man’ turns up when I’m in my 50s would I still want to get married? I really don’t know. But if I do, it will be because I have chosen to do so and not because I’m desperate to do so.

Yes I do admit that loneliness does seep in sometimes and then I would long for that special someone. But I’m certainly not going to put my life on hold and wait for my knight in shining armour to ride in and sweep me off my feet. Life goes on and I intend to enjoy each moment that I have with my family and my friends and I will continue pursuing my other dreams.

And to that person I’m fated to be with, ‘Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped and asked for directions … as it is you’re already 15 years late!’

Looking for another kind of hero

Now I know why I’ve always been putting off writing my blog … its because sometimes one just can’t think of what to write. Well, that’s not entirely true … there are many topics in my head but they all seem to be in bits and pieces and putting them together just seems to be too much effort! Blame it on my lazy genes.

On the other hand, I could always write about the ‘hot topic’ of the hour. But then again I would have to find some angle which no one has talked about and that too would take so much effort. You can blame it on my laze genes again!

Someone who read my blog sometime back (back when I used to update it regularly) said that he was not really impressed by it because ‘it lacked substance’ as I only seemed to be talking about men and relationships. Well, that is not entirely true. I do occasionally write about other stuff as well. When I started this blog, I had no intention of making it a political platform. I leave that to people who are more well-versed on the subject and even if they are not, who seem to have a great passion for it. As for me, I write about my own experiences and my personal take on life. I don’t write to impress others.

Yes, maybe my blog does smack more on men and relationships. Well I’m certainly no expert on this subject but I have gone through enough and seen enough to be able to write about it. And it remains very much a part of my everyday life … simply because I’m still open to relationships, some of which have ended amicably, others bitterly and yet others in beautiful friendships.

Over the years, I have come across many types of men – some of whom you would never have even thought existed! But I take it all in stride and consider this as an adventure. Its amazing how much you can learn about the opposite sex on a single date.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t date men for the sole reason of finding a partner and getting married (that will be another topic for my blog). While I have many girlfriends, I realise that I don’t really have that many male friends whom I can consider friends without any romantic liaisons.

I would seriously love to have some guy friends with whom I could hang out with, without worrying whether he’d want to kiss me at the end of the day. It would be nice to go out for a movie with a guy and be assured that he has no intention of holding my hand or groping me inside the dark cinema. It would be nice to have a guy friend who would double-up as my ‘date’ when I need to attend a social event with a partner and don’t want all those ‘pitying’ looks from people if were to walk in alone.

It would be nice to have a guy friend whom I could call anytime I need someone to talk to, because I’m going through an emotional phase and need a calm, stable, reassuring voice to knock some sense into me. Who better to turn to than a guy when I just can’t fathom the male species and need a guy’s perspective? And not forgetting the occasional warmth embrace that only a man can give to make a woman feel like a little girl again.

So that’s why this year I’ve decided to focus more on finding myself some male buddies rather than get entangled in a romantic relationship. But of course if that knight in shinning armour does come along, he’ll have to get through my buddies first before he can even attempt to rescue this damsel!

I'm in charge of my own happiness!

It’s the beginning of a new year, and for most of us it marks the start of a new chapter in our life … one which we hope will have a happy ending. What do most of us hope for at the start of a new year? The most common wishes are for health, wealth, happiness and love. And yes, I’ve received many well-intended wishes of “May you find the man of your dreams this year”.

My love life right now is non-existent and I really don’t know if I need one. It just seems that all the good men are taken or married. And I have met quite some interesting ones who might be great to date, but when it comes to love, it has to be the right guy; someone who’s romantic, intelligent, with a sense of humour and really, personality overrules good looks for me.

But for now, romance can wait. I have different priorities. Life is too short to waste time and I intend to savour and enjoy each moment of it. I want to forget issues of the past and focus on the present and the future. I want to stop being envious of others and be thankful for who I am and what I have. I want to spend more time with my friends and loved ones because I know they will always be there for me.

I want to stop dreaming and start doing. I want to seriously pursue my ambition of writing a book and seeing it published. I want to travel and see the world. I want to smile and laugh more. I want to do something good for others. I want to wake up each morning and thank God for yet another beautiful day.

No, this is not a New Year resolution but merely creating my own happiness and taking charge of my life. Yes, I believe this is going to be a good year indeed!

Mr Right ... He's worth waiting for!

The first question almost everyone asked me when I returned from my overseas holiday was whether I found that someone special while I was there. Well … seeing that I was only there for 2 weeks coupled with the fact that I was not exactly on a husband-hunting mission, I’m afraid that I disappointed quite a number of romantic souls who were quite certain that I’d meet my Mr Right during my trip.

Of course I’ve heard of numerous holiday romances – how single girls go to some foreign country and end up meeting their future spouses. Well good for them and while I admit that I occasionally feel a tinge of envy when I hear such stories, I’m certainly not going to loose any sleep over the fact that I returned home empty-handed (with the exception of the souvenirs, of course).

I’ve often asked myself when will I ever meet that elusive Mr Right, or if I’ll ever meet him. When I was growing up, I had this romantic fantasy of a beautiful wedding gown, a handsome groom, a lovely church wedding, joyous music and songs and where everyone would be so happy for me. Years went by and I stood aside while my friends started getting married one by one and starting their own family.

Slowly that fantasy started to fade away bit by bit and if you ask me today, I can honestly tell you that I can’t remember what that beautiful gown looked liked or what music was it that I had wanted for my wedding. In fact, I vaguely recall ever having such a fantasy because it has receded into a far, distant place in my brain.

I am not bitter or miserable when people so much younger than me share their joy and happiness in having found the love of their life or talk about their wedding plans. Yes, I’m happy for them … happy that they need not go through that uncertainty of life – that uncertainty of wondering if they will ever find the right person.

At the same time I feel sad when I see couples taking their relationships for granted. I ache inside when I hear people say hurtful things about their partners over trivial matters. I feel like screaming at them and telling them that they are lucky to even have someone in their life – and that they should respect and value that person.

My well meaning friends who were so sure that I’d be among the first to get married are surprised to hear that I’m still single. At first they show me sympathy, then they accuse me of being picky and finally they move on to telling me that I’m lucky to be single and not saddled with a husband, kids & in-laws.

At times I do count myself lucky to be single and enjoy the freedom that I have and at other times I feel lonely and wish that there was someone special in my life. And I do sometimes worry that age is catching up with me and wonder if I’ll spend my golden years alone in some home for the elderly.

But once again, I’m not going to loose any sleep over this and am gonna take it one day at a time. If my Mr Right is out there somewhere, he will find me someday … and I’m going to wait patiently because if he is the ONE, then he’s definitely worth waiting for. And if for some reason God did not allocate a Mr Right for me, I’m gonna continue enjoying being who I am because there is still a purpose to my life and I intend to fulfil every second of it.

How y'all doin'?

I am on holiday. I have nothing to say. Back to you Jacqui. :P

Voice of the People

Vox populi, a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people, has finally found a place in the annals of Malaysian history. For the first time since independence, the ruling party which has until now stood on solid ground found itself clawing desperately to victory on a shaky foundation. Albeit a bitter victory which saw the toppling of many of its old warriors and the unfortunate sacrifice of many of its young ones.

Although what has taken place in our country will not be termed as a ‘revolution’, it is indeed a ‘revolution’ of sorts. History teaches us very important lessons about governments and people uprising.

For example, the French Revolution (1789 to 1799) was a major transformation of the society and political system of France. During the course of the Revolution, France was temporarily transformed from an absolute monarchy to a republic of theoretically free and equal citizens.

The effects of the French Revolution was widespread, both inside and outside of France and Revolution ranks as one of the most important events in the history of Europe.

During the ten years of the Revolution, France first transformed and then dismantled the Old Regime, the political and social system that existed in France before 1789, and replaced it with a series of different governments.

Although none of these governments lasted more than four years, the many initiatives they enacted permanently altered France’s political system. These initiatives included the drafting of several bills of rights and constitutions, the establishment of legal equality among all citizens, experiments with representative democracy, the incorporation of the church into the state, and the reconstruction of state administration and the law code.

In sum, the French Revolution did many things, unleashed new forces, destroyed old ideas, offered new promises. Not the Revolution itself, of course, but the people who made it.

The key phrase here is “the people who made it”. It is important for the Government, any Government for that matter, to listen to the voice of the people or ultimately suffer the dire consequences – a bitter lesson that has recently been learned here in our country.

Without the people, the government is nothing but without the government, the people have proven and will continue to prove that they are still a force to be reckoned with.

Malaysians have finally awakened from the slumber of their ‘tidak apa’ attitude. They are no longer willing to ‘close one eye’ to what is happening around them. They are no longer willing to give in to threats of “if you don’t like it, you can pack up your bags and leave”. The Government are our chosen representatives and they should listen to our grievances. We have a right to expect a well-structured and efficient system and our Government should not be afraid to fight for equality and fairness.

People do not make noise for no reason. There is always a reason, no matter how small or trivial it may seem. What sometimes begins as a whisper, will turn into a mummer and then a buzz and before you know it into a loud united voice. Some leaders unfortunately have once too often likened the voice of the people to that of the annoying buzz of a mosquito and simply flick their wrist in the hope of driving the mosquito away.

And when this happens, the people realize that they have no ‘official’ avenue to air their grievances and grouses and so resort to other means of communication like the internet- the blogs, the blogs and through street protests. But even when these measures are dismissed as ‘lies’ and ‘out to cause trouble’, the people turn to the last resort and perhaps most powerful weapon of all – the votes.

Former Selangor Menteri Besar Datuk Khir Toyo so aptly and symbolically presented inefficient departments with the broom as an indication that they needed to clean up their acts. Now the people of Malaysia have through their recent votes given a clear indication to the Government that they have to clean up their act or risked being “swept off from power”.


Perhaps this lesson has come a tad too late for Barisan Nasional, but there is still hope and room for improvement if they want to continue ruling the country after this next 5-year term is up.

So its time you came down from your high horses and listened to the grass-roots. But if you continue to ignore the voice of the people, then the people won’t be so forgiving the next time. It is we the people who have voted you into power and it is we the same people who can vote you out of power.

Pssst ... have you heard the latest?

Name-calling, mud-slinging, malicious slander, accusations, denials, scandals, gossip … no, I’m not talking about the latest soap-opera ala Dynasty or Dallas that has hit our TV network, but the high-fevered election campaign that is currently taking place.

Am I shocked by all this? Certainly not! In fact it has become a great source of amusement for me and I’m happy to say that I now leave my house with a smile every morning after reading the newspapers.

It is quite obvious that the word ‘integrity’ appears to be a foreign term or even a missing element in many of our candidates regardless of which party they belong to. Yes, one must campaign to ensure that the voters will vote for him or her, but stooping low to do a character assassination on another person or back-stabbing someone is certainly not the right attitude to have for someone who hopes to represent the masses or who hopes to lead the country.

We always tell our children that it is wrong for us to talk bad about someone or to lie about something. Even religion teaches us to differentiate what is right and what is wrong. For example, Christians are taught that it is a sin to ‘Bear false witness against our neighbour’ and likewise I’m sure that the other religions have similar teachings or commandments. Well, how then are we going to explain all these slander and accusations etc that appear in the newspapers every day? Yes, some of us can easily say that this happens all over the world. But why would we want to ape the world in doing something that should not be part of our culture?

Why is it impossible for candidates to have faith in their own ability and base their campaign solely on their experience (if any), their capabilities and on what they can deliver, if elected.

On another note, I am also amused at the numerous complaints being hurled at the candidates. ‘Why is the drain clogged?’, ‘Why is the rubbish by the roadside not collected?’, ‘Why are more youngsters involved in crime?’ When we point a finger at someone, we have to realise that three fingers are pointing back at us.

Why do drains get clogged up? It’s because WE throw all sorts of rubbish in it. Why is there so much rubbish by the roadside? It’s because WE dump the rubbish there. ‘Why are more youngsters involved in crime? It’s because WE as parents are too busy to spend time with our kids or to find out what our children are up to.

The election is not only a time of soul-searching for the candidates alone.
Can we honestly say, hand on heart, that we have truly been law-abiding citizens? That we have always strived to keep our environment clean? That we have been socially and morally conscious of our obligations? That we have never offered a bribe, that we have never resorted to paying some under-table money for a favour, that we have never parked our cars illegally, that we have never purchased illegal VCDs, that we have never broke traffic rules, that we have never jumped queues, that we have never cheated anyone … the list goes on.

Dare we be like William Shakespeare who said, “The good I stand on is my truth and honesty.”

When 'X' marks the spot

My e-mail in box has been assailed with numerous messages from countless concerned Malaysians telling me whom I should or should not be voting for.

I’m really amazed to discover that we have many brilliant citizens out there who have taken the time and trouble to gather data and figures in terms of economic, socio and financial standings of each religious and ethnic group in the country.

These groups of people have proven to be more efficient than all the government agencies put together in terms of being able to provide the public with the most up-to-date information.

Apparently we have such hard working, meticulous persons in our midst, who are fully aware of what is going on in every nook and corner in the country. Now if only these people had come to the forefront and offered themselves as candidates for the elections, then I would most certainly have voted for them.

Based on the information received, it would appear that the ruling party had not being doing such a great job – hence the call for a change. But at the same time, I also noticed that no information was forthcoming about the other parties who had won parliamentary and state seats. It would have been of great help if these people had listed down all the wonderful things that the Opposition had done in their respective constituencies as opposed to the ruling party.

At the same time, I also received e-mails urging me to vote for anyone else as long as it was not BN. Now wait a minute – aren’t we coming back to square one? If I was going to vote for just any Ali, Ah Chong or Muthu, what guarantee is there that this person, when he wins is going to be any better than the person who held this seat before him.

Yes, it’s a gamble we take when we mark the ‘X’ on the balloting paper. Someone who promises to fight for a certain cause/ethnic group in his election campaign may not end up fulfilling his promise. There is no guarantee and unfortunately there is no law that holds him to his numerous promises.

Our duties do not end at the polling station. We the people have the right to ensure that our elected representatives fulfil their obligations during their five-year term. We must act as their voice of conscience and ensure that there are checks and balances. If we wash our hands and take on a ‘tidak apa’ attitude or tell ourselves that there is not going to be a change, then there will be no change.

I fully agree with the American critic, Alexander Woolcott who said, “I’m
tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it”.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Santa's in town!

I'll be quite busy this next couple of weeks (Santa dropped by - as you can see), so would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Breaking free from “the world owes me” mentality

I am a first generation Malaysian Indian. My father came to Malaysia from India in search of a better life. He left behind the security and comfort of his home land, his family, his relatives and friends because he truly believed that Malaya (as it was known then) was a land of opportunity. This country, he told himself, would become his new home. No one forced him to come, no one coerced him to come – it was a personal choice.

In time, my father sent for his bride to be and my mother too came to this unknown and foreign land. They soon settled down and started a family, which would grow over the years to include seven children.

Life was not easy here. It was a struggle but my father persevered. He could have easily thrown in the towel and pack up his family and leave for his familiar home land as did many others, but he did not. Yes, he faced many kinds of trials and tribulations – financial woes were aplenty and discrimination at the work place was rife. But he took it all in stride. This was his homeland now - both my parents had given up their Indian citizenships and were proud to call themselves Malaysians and they were willing to withstand whatever life.

My father has since passed away. Since coming to Malaysia, he only visited his country of birth on two occasions – the last one was just a couple of months before his death. My mother on the other hand, returned to India only once and it has now been more than 40 years since her last visit. When I asked my mum if she misses the land of her birth, she said that except for wanting to visit her siblings over there, she is quite content in remaining in Malaysia as this is her home now.

I am not afraid to admit that growing up in Malaysia has not been a complete bed of roses – there have been numerous ups and downs, many instances of discrimination and injustice but I have learned to accept it in my stride. Many a job has slipped from my fingers not because I lacked the qualifications or experience but simply because I am the wrong colour. Yet discrimination comes in many forms – so it will be unfair for me to only highlight the racial discrimination that still exists in this country – we face discrimination in many places – in our places of worship, amongst our own ethnic community, in the workplace, gender discrimination etc.

There are many like me who have faced walls and barriers and there are many like me who have picked ourselves up from the dust of oppression, put a smile on our face and marched on with determination. I don’t hold my parents responsible for the struggles I face in life and I don’t lament that the world owes me a living.

I know of many people who have pulled themselves out of the depths of poverty through sheer effort, hard work and determination and who have made something of themselves. While it would have been easy for them to start pointing fingers and blaming everyone else for the sad state of affairs, they have chosen to channel their energy into something worthwhile and make something of themselves.

Then there are those who use their talents in helping others – in bringing a positive change to a particular group or community. They are aware of the many shortcomings in legislative measures and government funding, so instead of merely making noise about the situation, they chose to do something about it as well.

If we believe that our community has remained at the bottom of the ladder all these years, then perhaps its time we asked ourselves why. Have we allowed ourselves to remain in the shackles of ‘colonisation’ and hoped that someone would hand us the key or have we attempted to break free? There are many success stories amongst the Indian community – numerous rags to riches stories – so why do we continue to sit and wait for hand-outs when we can fend for ourselves?

Let’s face it – there is no one government anywhere in the world that is perfect. If there were, then there certainly would be a mass exodus to that Utopia. However it is not impossible to reach this Utopia – all we have to do is free ourselves from this “the world owes me” mentality and learn to help ourselves.

Let me leave you with this quote from the great Mahatma Gandhi: “Rights that do not flow from duty well performed are not worth having.”

It’s Raining Men … Allelulia!

There have been many men who have walked into my life. While some have left, others have remained and these are some of the ones whom I hold dear to me and whom I love unashamedly. I love each of them differently and for different reasons. They have all touched my life in their own way and together they have made me feel totally complete … how could a woman ask for more?

Phillip was among the first who came into my life and I love him for having helped me to nurture my talents. I love him for his welcoming nature and for his sometimes wicked sense of humour. I love him for his quiet gentleness and for his fatherly wisdom. I love him for being able to be a friend and a counsellor to all who seek him. I love him for his empathic nature and for his ability to sometimes see beyond rigid rules and regulations. I love him for showing that it is possible to be detached and yet care for someone deeply and I certainly love him for being that strong solid rock and safe haven who I can always count on.

Then there is Rawi – a character unto himself whom I love for his boisterous nature and for his “I don’t care what the world thinks of me” attitude. I love him for his ability of not letting trivial things bother him. I love him for always seeing the good in everyone and for believing that each person deserves a second chance. I love him for being able to put aside his differences and stand up for his contemporaries when the need arises. I love him for his tolerant nature, for his patience and for being able to put up with all my idiosyncrasies over the years and I love him for always being there for me.

What would I ever do without Gerard? I love him for being my own personal punching bag when I need to vent my frustrations. I love him for his welcoming smile, for his great warmth and his unselfish love. I love him for his wit and his sarcasm under which lies a heart of gold. I love him for not being judgemental and for his often non-committal remarks. I love him for knowing when to be silent and for knowing when to give advice. I love him for giving people that space and freedom to grow and for allowing them to make their own mistakes and learning from it and I love him for his quiet strength and gentle assurance and the knowledge that he will never neglect me especially in my time of need.

I love Mari for his persistence in reaching beyond the barriers of distance and silence. I love him for being able to see the unspoken words in a person’s heart and for sensing the hurts that assails one’s soul. I love him for his curtness and for his in your face attitude. I love him for his great insight on life and for his ability to weather all types of adversities. I love him for being able to accept his own weaknesses and for seeing life as a blessing and I love him for accepting me the way I am.

Chris is like a breath of fresh air in my life. I love him for his “nothing gets me down” attitude. I love him for his sunny disposition and for his endless enthusiasm. I love him for being down to earth and for his practical perspective on life. I love him for his child-like qualities. I love him for his reassuring spirit and for his calm, gentle manner and I love him for being able to uplift my spirits whenever I am down.

Nourishment for my soul – this is what Clarence means to me. I love him for his boyish innocence. I love him for his intellectual stimulation as well as his unspoken cynicism. I love him for his ability to calm a troubled soul and bring them gently back to the fold. I love him for his charm and also his aloofness at times. I love him for his quiet, dignified manner and for his level-headedness and I love him for his calm presence in my life.

I love George for his stubborn streak and for the many upheavals he brings into my life. I love him for the way he stands up to me when I am in the wrong. I love him for the many misunderstandings that we have encountered, because it has humbled me. I also love him for his charitable nature and for his fighting spirit. I love him for his determination and for his ability to accept and overcome the many obstacles of life. I love him for his quiet nature and his gentle approach and I love him for his sturdy presence in my life.

Terrance is like a gentle breeze on a hot, sunny day. I love him for his calm, gentle demeanour. I love him for always looking on the bright side of things. I love him for his quiet acceptance of life and everything that has been thrust on him. I love him for his ability to turn every hardship or disappointment into a blessing. I love him for his contemplative nature and for his quiet words of wisdom. I love him for thoughtfulness and his compassion and I love him for knowing how to soothe my bruised soul.

Edwin is a man of few words, but his thoughtfulness is immeasurable. I love him for his patience and for his tolerance. I love him for putting up with my insecurities at times and for his understanding. I love him for his distant yet firm hand of friendship. I love him for his quiet assurance and I love him for always being when I need a shoulder to cry on.

Yes, there are other men in my life – but that’s another posting – some other day but for now, these are the men who have been with me on my many journeys of life. Some have been there for years and others have come in more recently – and I thank God for blessing me with each and every one of them and I just wanna say this: I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

I’m in love again!

I’m in love again!

There’s a spring in my walk, a song in my heart and a smile on my face. I feel as if I’m sweet sixteen once again. What brought about this transformation you may ask … its simple actually … I’m in love again.

I don’t know when or how it happened, I just know that it was love at first sight. My thoughts, my feelings, my actions are centred around my love. I am consumed with such a great passion, that it is burning me alive. I thirst so much and can only be quenched by my love.

I was hesitant at first … I did not want to get entangled in this relationship because I know that it will only cause me a lot of heartache and pain at the end of the day. But I was just too weak to resist. My body and soul held only one desire and I could not fight it off any longer ….

True Love is the place that many seek,

many people call it life's highest peak,

Its truly blind to coldness,

it is peaceful, interesting and divine,

sometimes it seems so hard to find.

But when true love is found,

you know in it you'll always want to be entwined.

With wisdom we learn truths,

We know that 'Looks' are not important,

and know that a good heart matters most.

When love is sought in silly superficialities,

the only thing that's found is emptiness,

Love does not want superiority,

respects the difference in equality,

It is not cruel, arrogant, or mean,

True Love is kind, caring, considerate and clean.

True Love is not found with lust or power trips,

it can't be found in butts or hips.

It isn't found in muscles, height or boobs,

It can't be found in body gaps.

Its forgiving but it learns from the past,

True Love is sympathetic and it lets you be free,

anyone who knows true love... will agree.

True Love lives in caring and sharing,

that I can guarantee and swear.

True Love is giving but not excessive,

True love listens well and is expressive.

True love is just and wise,

it doesn't allow unfair abuse,

that comes from crazy girls or guys,

True Love really can live alone and still feel love,

It usually chooses to share itself with others,

it fills you with comfort,

it always lives... its always love.

Yes after many years, I’m tempted once again, my love has come a calling and to my lips it speaks ,,,, its temptation I just can’t resist … I must indulge, I must give in … and on my hips will lie the sin of my temptation for all the world to see … a few minutes of pleasure will end in months of shame.

I mean seriously folks, I’m sure many of you just can’t resist the simply mouth-watering Ice Kacang … shaved ice topped with sweet corn, black jelly, cendol, red beans and attap chee (palm seeds), drenched with rose syrup, gula melaka syrup, condensed milk and evaporated milk! Its simply heavenly and yes, I’m in love again with the wonderful Ais Kacang and so what if I’m gonna add on a couple more pounds?