An old acquaintance of mine just contacted me to inform me that she was getting married. Of course, two things went through my mind when I hung up after the conversation. One was that she was literally gloating about the fact that she was heading towards the altar before me and number two was that she had never really bothered much to keep in touch, so why now – which brought me back to point number one – to GLOAT!
Anyway never mind about that. This got me thinking … about the big ‘P’. How does a couple come to an agreement that they finally wanna get hitched? Is it really romantic – over a candle-light dinner, roses and then the guy gets down on one knee and out comes the ring? Or is it between a commercial break on TV, “Hey honey, wanna get married? I’m free on July 25”
Women in general have been brought up on a steady diet of Mills and Boon and as they grow older … on to the steamier ones. So basically we want the works – the man down on one knee, champagne (okay we’ll settle for Sprite or Coke), chocolates and roses.But I was really disappointed when I checked with some of my gal pals who are now blissfully married – apparently their proposals weren’t in the least bit romantic. Now that they think of it, they wonder how come they let their men off the hook so easily. Surely we women are worth it? Surely the man should plan this down to the teeniest detail?
A proposal for us gals is this super romantic moment – the culmination of all those months of dating, of wondering “will he – won’t he”.
For a guy, a proposal is a bitter-sweet moment. Yes, he loves you, and yes he wants to marry you and share his life with you. But yes, he also likes being single, being able to hang out with his pals, being able to live like a slob, being able to come and go as he pleases … it’s enough that he has to check in with his mum all the time, but now a wife?
Therefore, to his way of thinking, he’s making this huge sacrifice. He is giving up his freedom and placing himself in the hands of a woman who will tell him when to wake up, when to eat, when to bathe, when to sleep (not that his mum has not been doing this already). So under the circumstances, he is not particularly bothered by the ‘stage settings’. He just wants to get it over and done with and hope that you will say ‘yes’. So while he’s telling you that he loves you, he can’t live without you, he’s the luckiest man on earth - he is actually telling himself that he does not have to worry about who’s gonna do his laundry or cook and clean for him, now that his mum has asked him to move out of the house and fend for himself. This then should explain why you may not have a tender moment on the beach with glowing sunset and violins in the background when he proposes – because for him, it’s a matter of survival.
Well, no matter where, when or how he proposes, just remember one thing, he may not be your ‘perfect man’ but you know that you do actually love the guy and want to spend your life with him. As for me, I’m still waiting for someone to get down on one knee ….
23 comments:
All proposals come in different ways. Mine was through a self-made cute card, a sheep standing on two feet with a bunch of flowers saying "Will You Marry Me?"
Marriage was already a discussion even before the question was popped. So it was more of a mutual understanding. He probably sent the card to make sure I would say "Yes". hahaha
lady patsy... :)
i would love to one day be able to tell my grandchildren that I was on my knees proposing to their grandma - on a deserted beach at the break of dawn, with roses between my teeth and a diamond ring in my hand, and she said yes, to the roar of the approving waves.
but, alas - my grandchildren will be hearing a different version, perhaps from their own parents how grandpa was one day eating a banana cake freshly baked by grandma, he liked the cake so much - he decided that turning the baker into a personal asset was the right thing to do.
So he asked, as he was trying to swallow "LiL, kalau kita kawen ok tak?". To which not to his surprise - but to his amusement, grandma smiled and said, "I fikir dulu lah ye....".
However, when grandpa and grandma went to Paris for a summer back packing holiday together - overwhelmed with an elated feeling of being at the top of the world, Grandpa seized the moments while on top of the Eiffel Tower to ask Grandma
"LiL, will you be my wife and take me as your husband and father to your children....".
Grandma, with tears in her eyes - said "Yes".
My grandchildren will one day, take both me and their grandma for a visit to teh Eiffel Tower and take our picture reccreating the moments. Even if the only reason is to be sure that, the next time I will have roses between my teeth and a diamond ring in my hand.
Sorry, for taking so much of your space - but, the topic brings me back 25 years.
arif.
wow! your entry does bring back memories, Lady Patsy :o)
Hubby proposed 3 times. I turned him down twice. Third time round, I asked for time to think. That night, I dreamt of holding a baby with his face on the baby's body. I took it as a sign and said YES. Did I make the right choice? Yes, I did. We're as happy as the next couple ;) hehehehe
I always believe, everything is a gamble. Decisions, right or wrong, are always a gamble. Make the bed and adjust how you sleep on it.
Love keeps us (hubby & me) here.
Hehe...So I guess me worrying whether I'll die alone is unfounded huh? Hehe...I'm an old sould trapped in a young body...
Although, at certain times of the day (like when climbing the stairs, and getting up from bed, and running to the loo, and lugging my bags, and looking for my keys, and watch and wallet and phone and...etc etc etc), I feel like a young soul trapped in an old body. Go figure!
I'm sure your marriage proposal would be wonderful though...Maybe he'll spell "Pat, will you marry me?" with fireworks!
Hmmm...That would have to go through Majlis Perbandaran: Have to fill 20 forms, see the poker-face of the clerk, only to be told 'lunch hour', and then later told 'Boss say ahem, kita bincang lar!'...
You better say after all that!
JT - Having met Mitch, he does not appear to be the romantic type - but he is, in his own way. Remember how he used to surprise you with all the flowers and gifts when you were with DP Search? I think its all the unexpected pleasant surprises that helps to keep the spark alive in the marriage.
Hey Arif, no worries about taking up space - I love to read all your comments - so take up as much space as you like.
Thanks for sharing your personal moments - Wow, proposing on the Eiffel Tower sure is romantic and I do hope that your wish to return there some day with your wife will be fulfilled.
But you gotta admit that your wife sure knew that the way to her man's heart was through the stomach!
Syana, your hubby was definitely sure that you were the woman for him and that's why he was willing to take the risk and proposed to you over and over again until you said 'Yes'. Wishing you both many many more years of blissful marital life. Hey bila nak pergi second honeymoon ni?
Daphne dear, I can't help it if I'm a romantic old soul. Ever since I was young I used to dream that a tall, dark and handsome stranger would come and sweep me off my feet and I used to picture this wonderful wedding that I would have - a beautiful white gown, lovely flowers, music etc ... well a girl can still dream can't she?
Lady Patsy :o)
~ 2nd honeymoon? hehehe we're celebrating our 9th this year :o)
~ we're looking forward for the big 10th anniversary/honeymoon :o)
Pat, Mitch is an irregular guy. Far from the kind we pictured as single girls. Someone branded him a nerd. And I said, "yes, but he is my nerd."
Once, a colleague saw what he had sent to me in a parcel. It was a recording of a message saved on a floppy disk, among other things. Without hesitation, she said "that is so un-romantic." To me, it was not. It was worth more than flowers that faded after a week. That floppy disk was like having him beside me because whenever I missed him, I would play that disk. :) He knew what I liked -that is important. I like things that can last a long time.
He even gave me a choice of my engagement ring (yes, unromantic to many girls) but I appreciated that. Why? I wanted a practical ring which could be worn every day of my life - one that will not scratch or get in the way when I use my hands.
Mitch does still surprise me with unexpected gifts. :)
Speaking of marriages - a friend sent this joke to me. Enjoy!
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to
marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, "Talking about love marriages...I'll tell you my
story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.
"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems…………….Gimme a break !!"
lady patsy,
how are you? havent been here a l o n g l o n g time. since you went on "holiday". didnt you?
you've changed the design of your blog! i like it as well. i like you previous one. this is different. but i like it too. the colours are nice.
wow... you and JT are so good at it. it's like you had fun designing and re-designing yr blog, and splashing colours.
lady patsy, i have never read any mills and boon books. i skipped that part of adolescence. i went straight to hemingway, norman mailer et al.
i am not a hopeless romantic. but i can be. with the right mmmm man.
your gloating friend really teruk. hope she bloats. (oh dear... i take it back)
take care now.
Hi Kak Nur, Welcome back. Missed you lah. Yeah JT and I are having fun with our blogs - ini lah akibat nya orang yang tidak bekerja! Too much time on our hands. You ada vacany for any writers tak?
Actually we don't need any Mills & Boon novels to teach us how to be romantic, it will come naturally and sometimes with a little help from our friends. Truth be told, it was a gal pal who taught me how to kiss ... no lah we were not lesbians, just that some lessons can't be taught by our parents! And to all those guys who said that I'm a fantastic kisser - yeah I kissed a woman first!
OMG! Pat... that revelation of having your first kiss with a girl will get some guys' minds active now.
In case, anyone's wondering... NO, it was not me who taught Pat. Oh dear!
By the time I met Pat, she was already sending shivers down some man's spine with her kisses. ;)
Ha Ha JT, I purposely omitted the fact that it was not you ... bet many of the readers would have already jumped to that conclusion ... poor girl, now you will always have to safeguard your reputation against all my exploits B.J.T. (Before Jacqui Tegjeu).
like in all orang melayu tradition, hubby proposed to me by bringing his family including his mom's neighbour to come to my house for hari raya gathering. i knew he was going to propose sooner but i never thought it was thru his family...some more on hari raya open house?!
how to act 'jual mahal' when a whole bunch of people awaiting yr answer infront of you? i was like gasping for breath...terketar2 nak jawab.
marriage proposal is supposed to be accompanied with something romantic, just 2 people but mine?? i guess there goes the saying...when u marry someone u marry his/her family as well.
KC, Guess your hubby wanted to place it safe and ensured that you said 'Yes' - that's why the reinforcement :-)
Its just like all those Tamil movies I love to watch where the whole jing-bang comes to the girl's house and then later asks the girl in front of everyone whether she likes the guy or not - and this is probably the first time the couple are ever setting eyes on each other.
I would love to see a scene on TV when the girl turns down the proposal in front of the whole kampung. And then the camera would zoom in on her, then on the man with a look of shock, then his mother going "kadivele", then his father, then the girl's parents (all shaking heads), then the music will get more dramatic.
Following which, she will say, "I will only marry you if you give up your wayward ways" And then they get all tearful and he regrets his past. Next thing, a whole bunch of people out of nowhere start dancing around - good looking ones dance in front, ugly ones at the back -. Story ends with some joyful and colourful wedding. Wedding night comes, before husband can pounce on the wife, the camera moves quickly to a picture on the wall where the tiger is mauling a goat. The end.
Ayoyo, tiger mauling goat is when its a rape scene lah. When its "love" then it will be a butterfly sitting on a flower ... he he he.
JT we should do a posting on Tamil movies ... on how the hero can single handedly defeat 20 goondos armed with parangs, sticks, chains. On how each thug will wait his turn and they never attack together.
How when the hero and heroine start dancing they are joined by a group of people who amazingly know all the dance steps perfectly.
And the classic - when two brothers are separated in childhood, one grows up to become a policeman and the other a crook but they will reunite in the end to save their mother who has been abducted by the other crooks. Ha ha ha ... and the list goes on.
Oh yeah... forgot about that. Tiger mauling goat - rape scene. Butterly on flower - first night as husband and wife.
Actually we should do that - what Tamil Movies Have Taught Us.
Speaking of unrealistic scenes, have you ever noticed something about science fiction movies made in Hollywood? Somehow the alien spacecraft always know how to find America. Oh... and just like Tamil movies, the one man with five last bullets can gun down all five opponents. Somehow he managed to escape machine gun fires from all five earlier because he cleverly zig-zagged his way out of it.
I have to say this, I really enjoy reading comments going back & forth between Jacqui & Lady Patsy. I'm learning alot :o) TQ!
Hey Syana, thanks. Pat and used to throw ideas back and forth on Messenger but nowadays ah... very hard to get her online. This is one way I can get her attention.
By the way, I think Pat has completely done away with the idea of her "Last Posting" challenge. Never mind la.. old story already.
Pat, new challenge for you since you have procrastinated on the last one I gave you ....
It has to be about a guy or guys (you don't have to reveal their names)in your past that either rocked your world or broke your heart. Take it from any angle you want.
What say you?
Hi Lady Patsy, love your posting. I can see you the moonlight and roses, soft piano music, beautiful moon above, shimmering soft waves coming to shore kind of lady. I love that.
Or dancing to a slow waltz "facination" or "around the world" with a tall, handsome man who treats you like you the only woman within 700 miles radius.
Over a candlelit dinner he discreetly requests the band to play "Only you", 'a special request to Patsy from JB'. Then asks you for a dance.
He sends you a bouquet of orchids next morning to your home, "to Patsy, thank you for a lovely evening", signed JB.
Lady Patsy, may your dreams come true.
Best regards, UL.
Hi Lady Patsy, just incase you wondering who on earth is "JB"? He's the guy with that lisence no. 007.
You have a nice day. UL.
Ha ha ha U.Lee, you are such a romantic old soul. Btw how did you propose to your wife? Yeah actually I was wondering who JB was? But frankly speaking, he's not my type ... womaniser lah!
Anyway JT has 'encouraged' me to speak of my lost loves ... will be posting that sometime next week ... so keep on watching this space!
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