Confessions of an ageing Drama Queen

I’m such a sentimentalist. I find it difficult to discard old stuff because I often attach so much sentimental value to it. It’s the same with my “friends”. When I get to know someone and decide to go a step further in enfolding them into my close circle of friends, it means that I really value them and care for them a great deal. I am there for them in their time of need, I am there to lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on … I don’t mind doing favours for them even though at times it may call for a lot of bending back on my part. If I know that they are depressed or upset about something, I let them know that I am there for them in case they feel like opening up and talking and never once have I turned my back on anyone.
I make it a point to keep in touch with my friends, even though we may not have seen each other for a while – I drop them occasional e-mails, text messages and the odd card now and then.
But these past few months have been a real eye-opener for me. I have discovered how true the adage “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone” is. I have been going through a slightly difficult patch these couple of months and suddenly I discover that my so called “friends” have turned their backs on me. My attempts to meet up with them for a chat or my e-mails and text messages to them have gone unanswered or even if they answer, its always filled with excuses as to how busy they are.
Suddenly people don’t want to know if you are having a problem. They pretend as if nothing is the matter. They have no time for you.
People who have time and time again asked favours of me appear to have just discarded me like a piece of trash. Now that I am no longer of use to them, they can’t be bothered about how I am or what is happening in my life. The feeling of betrayal hurts so deeply.
I have been such a fool to have been so trusting, so open and so vulnerable and I have learnt a very bitter lesson. No more will I allow anyone to hurt me or take advantage of me! From now on, this is one selfish bitch! And in the words of Simon & Garfunkel ......

I am a rock

I am an island

I’ve built walls

A fortress deep and mighty

That none may penetrate

I have no need for friendship

Friendship causes pain

It’s laughter and it's loving I disdain.

I am a rock

I am an island

Don't talk of love

Well, I've heard the word before

It’s sleeping in my memory

I won’t disturb the slumber

Of feelings that have died

If I’d never loved,

I never would have cried

I am a rock

I am an island

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me

I am shielded in my armour

Hiding in my room

Safe within my womb

I touch no-one and no-one touches me

I am a rock

I am an island

And the rock feels no pain

And an island never cries