It’s Raining Men … Allelulia!

There have been many men who have walked into my life. While some have left, others have remained and these are some of the ones whom I hold dear to me and whom I love unashamedly. I love each of them differently and for different reasons. They have all touched my life in their own way and together they have made me feel totally complete … how could a woman ask for more?

Phillip was among the first who came into my life and I love him for having helped me to nurture my talents. I love him for his welcoming nature and for his sometimes wicked sense of humour. I love him for his quiet gentleness and for his fatherly wisdom. I love him for being able to be a friend and a counsellor to all who seek him. I love him for his empathic nature and for his ability to sometimes see beyond rigid rules and regulations. I love him for showing that it is possible to be detached and yet care for someone deeply and I certainly love him for being that strong solid rock and safe haven who I can always count on.

Then there is Rawi – a character unto himself whom I love for his boisterous nature and for his “I don’t care what the world thinks of me” attitude. I love him for his ability of not letting trivial things bother him. I love him for always seeing the good in everyone and for believing that each person deserves a second chance. I love him for being able to put aside his differences and stand up for his contemporaries when the need arises. I love him for his tolerant nature, for his patience and for being able to put up with all my idiosyncrasies over the years and I love him for always being there for me.

What would I ever do without Gerard? I love him for being my own personal punching bag when I need to vent my frustrations. I love him for his welcoming smile, for his great warmth and his unselfish love. I love him for his wit and his sarcasm under which lies a heart of gold. I love him for not being judgemental and for his often non-committal remarks. I love him for knowing when to be silent and for knowing when to give advice. I love him for giving people that space and freedom to grow and for allowing them to make their own mistakes and learning from it and I love him for his quiet strength and gentle assurance and the knowledge that he will never neglect me especially in my time of need.

I love Mari for his persistence in reaching beyond the barriers of distance and silence. I love him for being able to see the unspoken words in a person’s heart and for sensing the hurts that assails one’s soul. I love him for his curtness and for his in your face attitude. I love him for his great insight on life and for his ability to weather all types of adversities. I love him for being able to accept his own weaknesses and for seeing life as a blessing and I love him for accepting me the way I am.

Chris is like a breath of fresh air in my life. I love him for his “nothing gets me down” attitude. I love him for his sunny disposition and for his endless enthusiasm. I love him for being down to earth and for his practical perspective on life. I love him for his child-like qualities. I love him for his reassuring spirit and for his calm, gentle manner and I love him for being able to uplift my spirits whenever I am down.

Nourishment for my soul – this is what Clarence means to me. I love him for his boyish innocence. I love him for his intellectual stimulation as well as his unspoken cynicism. I love him for his ability to calm a troubled soul and bring them gently back to the fold. I love him for his charm and also his aloofness at times. I love him for his quiet, dignified manner and for his level-headedness and I love him for his calm presence in my life.

I love George for his stubborn streak and for the many upheavals he brings into my life. I love him for the way he stands up to me when I am in the wrong. I love him for the many misunderstandings that we have encountered, because it has humbled me. I also love him for his charitable nature and for his fighting spirit. I love him for his determination and for his ability to accept and overcome the many obstacles of life. I love him for his quiet nature and his gentle approach and I love him for his sturdy presence in my life.

Terrance is like a gentle breeze on a hot, sunny day. I love him for his calm, gentle demeanour. I love him for always looking on the bright side of things. I love him for his quiet acceptance of life and everything that has been thrust on him. I love him for his ability to turn every hardship or disappointment into a blessing. I love him for his contemplative nature and for his quiet words of wisdom. I love him for thoughtfulness and his compassion and I love him for knowing how to soothe my bruised soul.

Edwin is a man of few words, but his thoughtfulness is immeasurable. I love him for his patience and for his tolerance. I love him for putting up with my insecurities at times and for his understanding. I love him for his distant yet firm hand of friendship. I love him for his quiet assurance and I love him for always being when I need a shoulder to cry on.

Yes, there are other men in my life – but that’s another posting – some other day but for now, these are the men who have been with me on my many journeys of life. Some have been there for years and others have come in more recently – and I thank God for blessing me with each and every one of them and I just wanna say this: I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

I’m in love again!

I’m in love again!

There’s a spring in my walk, a song in my heart and a smile on my face. I feel as if I’m sweet sixteen once again. What brought about this transformation you may ask … its simple actually … I’m in love again.

I don’t know when or how it happened, I just know that it was love at first sight. My thoughts, my feelings, my actions are centred around my love. I am consumed with such a great passion, that it is burning me alive. I thirst so much and can only be quenched by my love.

I was hesitant at first … I did not want to get entangled in this relationship because I know that it will only cause me a lot of heartache and pain at the end of the day. But I was just too weak to resist. My body and soul held only one desire and I could not fight it off any longer ….

True Love is the place that many seek,

many people call it life's highest peak,

Its truly blind to coldness,

it is peaceful, interesting and divine,

sometimes it seems so hard to find.

But when true love is found,

you know in it you'll always want to be entwined.

With wisdom we learn truths,

We know that 'Looks' are not important,

and know that a good heart matters most.

When love is sought in silly superficialities,

the only thing that's found is emptiness,

Love does not want superiority,

respects the difference in equality,

It is not cruel, arrogant, or mean,

True Love is kind, caring, considerate and clean.

True Love is not found with lust or power trips,

it can't be found in butts or hips.

It isn't found in muscles, height or boobs,

It can't be found in body gaps.

Its forgiving but it learns from the past,

True Love is sympathetic and it lets you be free,

anyone who knows true love... will agree.

True Love lives in caring and sharing,

that I can guarantee and swear.

True Love is giving but not excessive,

True love listens well and is expressive.

True love is just and wise,

it doesn't allow unfair abuse,

that comes from crazy girls or guys,

True Love really can live alone and still feel love,

It usually chooses to share itself with others,

it fills you with comfort,

it always lives... its always love.

Yes after many years, I’m tempted once again, my love has come a calling and to my lips it speaks ,,,, its temptation I just can’t resist … I must indulge, I must give in … and on my hips will lie the sin of my temptation for all the world to see … a few minutes of pleasure will end in months of shame.

I mean seriously folks, I’m sure many of you just can’t resist the simply mouth-watering Ice Kacang … shaved ice topped with sweet corn, black jelly, cendol, red beans and attap chee (palm seeds), drenched with rose syrup, gula melaka syrup, condensed milk and evaporated milk! Its simply heavenly and yes, I’m in love again with the wonderful Ais Kacang and so what if I’m gonna add on a couple more pounds?

Advice for a new bride

My colleague Mei Fern is getting married tomorrow (29th September, 2007) and its gonna be easy for me to remember her anniversary next year and the year after … and the year after that … and the subsequent years coz its just two days after my birthday.

Being attached to a Public Relations firm, Mei Fern is quite lucky that her boss (who also happens to be a close family friend) and her colleagues were very much involved in the planning of the wedding. I think all new brides will attest to the fact that planning a wedding can be quite a headache and sometimes even filled with much tears and frustration. Suddenly everyone is an expert on weddings and wants to jump onto the band wagon of dishing out unsolicited advice.

While looking out for a nice wedding poem to enclose with the card for the bride and groom, I came across this interesting and humorous piece of advice for a new bride. Its such a classic that I just can’t resist sharing it with everyone.

This of course is one piece of advice which I’m sure Mei Fern is most certainly NOT going to be following.

Anyway Mei Fern and Chun Mun, here’s wishing you both much joy, happiness and great adventures as you embark on this new journey together.

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This is a reprint of an article in The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894:

Instruction and advice for the young bride

On the Conduct and Procedure

Of the Intimate and Personal Relationships

Of the Marriage State

For the Greater Spiritual Sanctity

Of this Blessed Sacrament

And the Glory of God

by Ruth SmythersBeloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers,

Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church

of the Eastern Regional Conference

Published in the year of our Lord 1894

Spiritual Guidance Press, New York City.

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Instruction and advice for the young bride

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To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth.Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it. It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home. Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.

A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.

Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

She should be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he is huffing and puffing away. Above all, she should lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.

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Copyright 1894 The Madison Institute

Turning 42 ...

Turning 42 and loving every moment of it!

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Yeah yours truly just turned 42 and as much as I would like to say that I’m going out to paint the town red, I won’t. I woke up, came to work in the morning and will be going straight home after work in the evening. Have my dinner, watch a little TV and go straight to bed. No fuss, no fanfare … just another ordinary day.

It's not that I don’t believe in celebrating birthdays etc, but I guess I’ve just reached a stage in my life where my priorities have shifted greatly and I’ve learned to accept life one day at a time.
The 40's have impacted my identity by helping me find out how strong of a person I am. With all my trials and tribulations that I went through and am still going through, I feel stronger every day. I never knew that I was this strong of a person and so self determined. And I never knew there were so many tough bridges to cross, but I have crossed them and made it over to the other side.

Just last month, I went back to a full-time job after having had a relaxing 5 months or so at home. Given a choice, I would have loved to continue working as a free-lance writer but certain financial commitments did not allow me to do so for too long.

The company I joined is wonderful – the work is not too stressful and both my boss and colleagues are wonderful people and I enjoy the working environment.

It so happened that after I joined this company, I received two job offers with a higher pay, a senior designation and great perks. In the past I may have immediately grabbed either one of the jobs, but when I received the calls, I was not hesitant in turning down the jobs simply because I am happy here. Although I am not denying that money plays an important factor in my life, I realized that I would rather place personal happiness above monetary gain. I’ve passed that stage in my life where career comes above everything else.

I’ve also come to realize that at this age, I’ve broadened my views about a lot of stuff and I don’t find it strange that I can hang out with a bunch of 20-somethings and have a good time and that I can have a leisurely lunch/dinner and great conversation with someone in their 60s or 70s and have an equally good time.

Being in my 40s has also helped me to accept my physical appearance. In the past I would have been too concerned about my looks – wishing that I had a 36-24-36 figure etc and not an inch of fat on my body. Surprisingly I find that I can still feel sexy and attractive with my grey hair and my pear-shaped body – I am no longer inhibited by the way my figure is and have no need to camouflage it by wearing loose, baggy outfits.

So what if my breasts have begun to sag a little bit; so what if I don’t have a flat tummy and so what if my flabby thighs will wiggle and shake when I get into a swimsuit. I’ve learnt that if you are confident about the way you look, then that confidence will convert itself into beauty which will be seen by others and I’m not ashamed to brag that men still find me attractive – flab and all.

I know that my body will soon be assailed with all sorts of aches and pains that women in their 40s can look forward to. I’m not worrying my life away that I’m still single and my biological clock is ticking away. I’m not afraid of menopause and am being positive about having hot flashes. You are as old as you feel and I still feel like I am in my thirties or 20's.

Yes I guess this is what growing older is all about – its about enjoying life and learning to accept it one day at a time. So once again, Happy Birthday to me!

Long Sabbatical

Man is so made that he can only find
relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.

- Anatole France

My dear friends and readers,

Lady Patsy's Chambers will be closed for an indefinite time. Before I take leave, I would like to thank you for your support, encouragement and friendship.

I will return ... someday.

It ain’t over till the Fat Lady sings

A friend of mine (of course after this fiasco I really don’t know whether I should still call her my friend). Anyway this “friend” of mine wanted to introduce me to her new colleague who happens to be from North India.

I wasn’t really interested but she was so persistent and said that he wanted to meet new people etc and so I thought to myself why not … it would be good to widen my circle of friends (which by the way has been seriously slashed down – only the genuine ones remain now).

She was telling me what a nice person he was, good looking ala Mr Bollywood (think Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan, Abishek Bachan … you get the picture), friendly, charming etc. At the same time, I guess, she must have also been doing some marketing on behalf as well. Well, what I did not know was that she had also showed him a picture of me (a group photo taken a while back).

My friend passed my e-mail address to him and one fine day I get this e-mail from Mr Kiran (that’s his name). After the usual pleasantries, he mentioned that he saw my photo and these were his exact words to me: “You are quite attractive, but you look heavier than me.”

What was this guy thinking? Had he already envisioned trying to carry me across the threshold or had he gone a step further and was thinking of the ‘woman on top position’? I mean what did my weight have to do with him wanting to have a friend?

Here he was, a total stranger, and he had the audacity to pass a disparaging comment about my weight. Who the hell did he think he was?

I admit that I certainly do not have the figure of a beauty queen but I certainly do have curves in all the right places and I am not going to apologise for that.

What is it with men and their obsession of pencil-thin women so much so that they don’t even want to be seen in the company of girls who are on the heavy side?

Have you ever seen the paintings by Michelangelo or Rembrandt? Have you noticed how well endowed the women in those paintings are?

I came across an article about this African painter, Aka Augustin Kassi who is well known for his paintings of ‘big’ women.

Here is what he has to say about them: God has created fat women, painting them is my way of celebrating and appreciating them.

Yes, there is a difference between fat and obesity. In various cultures world wide, certain amount of plumpness signifies prosperity and security. So it’s okay to be healthy and plump – it’s beautiful. And I’m not going to starve myself just because some jerk thinks that I look heavier than him.

I’d like to leave you with this poem by Tracie Brown who just sums it up beautifully:

BIG AND BEAUTIFUL

I'm Big and Beautiful
I am proud to be me
I'm happy the way God made and shape me

I may not be Skinny, Slim or Trim
but baby, I'm not trying to be like any of them.
I'm Big and Beautiful that's who I am

I never question my Size or my Weight
I'm Big and Beautiful
And still able to get Hot Dates.

I love me!
And a Big, Beautiful, Queen I am
Even if I'm not very Slim.

I love my Curves and my Big Golden Brown Thighs
No one can handle this if they tried.

I'm Big and Beautiful
What a honour it is to be me
Even if I don't have the Perfect Body.

I may be a Little Hippie with a Little Extra Meat
But men would consider this to be a Delicious Treat!

I may not have a Six pack or meet Society Standards
but this Big, Beautiful Sister can surely handle hers.

- Tracie Brown

Tagged - Hi 5 Meme

And the lucky number is 5 …

Okay, looks like I’m into the tag business again. Kayatan tagged me on this Hi 5 meme … so here goes

5 things found in your bag

1) My house keys … I try not to leave home without them. Otherwise I usually end up waiting till my mum gets out of the bath … coz no matter what time I get home on the days I forget my keys, that is the exact time when my mum is having her bath. Go figure …

2) An umbrella … as the saying goes, when it rains it pours … have experienced walking in the rain and getting totally drenched. Of course, I never managed to pull off that “wet look” like Bo Derek in the movie “10”.

3) A packet of tissue …. Ever had a day when you were sweating like a pig and had totally nothing to wipe the sweat off from your face? And you find it so tempting to just wipe your face on your sleeve or just lift your blouse and use it like a handkerchief.

4) I’ll lump all these under one item – lipstick, compact powder and comb … the days when I happen to forget my comb are the exact days when my hair gets blown all over my face thanks to a gush of wind.

5) A book … our public transport system is so “super efficient” that I usually have to kill time, so a book comes in handy (beats having to watch someone pick their nose)


5 favourite things in your room

1. My ever so inviting bed … every time I see my bed, I just want to lay down and take a snooze

2. My collection of books and magazines … JT now you know where most of the novels from that Central Market second-hand book store have gone to

3. My soft toys … Hey just because I’m in my 40s doesn’t mean that I can’t still be a little girl at heart

4. My collection of books and magazines . . . (yeah I know … but I have so many lah!)

5. My laptop . . . my latest extravagance


5 things you’ve always wanted to do

1. Write a book

2. Visit Italy and experience a holiday romance … if you can’t fall in love in Italy, then you definitely can’t fall in love anywhere else in the world (this is my theory lah!)

3. Go on a round the world trip with JT . . . it will be fun, just the two of us. Am sure we will have a whale of a time. Now all we need is the money!

4. Visit some exotic island in the South Pacific and write a book while I am there … have this theory once again, that I will be inspired to write a book when I’m relaxing in such a place.

5. Spend a couple of months doing missionary work in some poor country … have always wanted to do, and hope I will have the opportunity to do it some day


5 things you are currently into

1) Blogging
2) Reading
3) Free lance writing
4) Gardening
5) Taking life one day at a time


5 people you WANT TO tag

1) JT
2) Elviza
3) Winniethepooh
4) Princessjournals
5) Ms J