It ain’t over till the Fat Lady sings

A friend of mine (of course after this fiasco I really don’t know whether I should still call her my friend). Anyway this “friend” of mine wanted to introduce me to her new colleague who happens to be from North India.

I wasn’t really interested but she was so persistent and said that he wanted to meet new people etc and so I thought to myself why not … it would be good to widen my circle of friends (which by the way has been seriously slashed down – only the genuine ones remain now).

She was telling me what a nice person he was, good looking ala Mr Bollywood (think Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan, Abishek Bachan … you get the picture), friendly, charming etc. At the same time, I guess, she must have also been doing some marketing on behalf as well. Well, what I did not know was that she had also showed him a picture of me (a group photo taken a while back).

My friend passed my e-mail address to him and one fine day I get this e-mail from Mr Kiran (that’s his name). After the usual pleasantries, he mentioned that he saw my photo and these were his exact words to me: “You are quite attractive, but you look heavier than me.”

What was this guy thinking? Had he already envisioned trying to carry me across the threshold or had he gone a step further and was thinking of the ‘woman on top position’? I mean what did my weight have to do with him wanting to have a friend?

Here he was, a total stranger, and he had the audacity to pass a disparaging comment about my weight. Who the hell did he think he was?

I admit that I certainly do not have the figure of a beauty queen but I certainly do have curves in all the right places and I am not going to apologise for that.

What is it with men and their obsession of pencil-thin women so much so that they don’t even want to be seen in the company of girls who are on the heavy side?

Have you ever seen the paintings by Michelangelo or Rembrandt? Have you noticed how well endowed the women in those paintings are?

I came across an article about this African painter, Aka Augustin Kassi who is well known for his paintings of ‘big’ women.

Here is what he has to say about them: God has created fat women, painting them is my way of celebrating and appreciating them.

Yes, there is a difference between fat and obesity. In various cultures world wide, certain amount of plumpness signifies prosperity and security. So it’s okay to be healthy and plump – it’s beautiful. And I’m not going to starve myself just because some jerk thinks that I look heavier than him.

I’d like to leave you with this poem by Tracie Brown who just sums it up beautifully:

BIG AND BEAUTIFUL

I'm Big and Beautiful
I am proud to be me
I'm happy the way God made and shape me

I may not be Skinny, Slim or Trim
but baby, I'm not trying to be like any of them.
I'm Big and Beautiful that's who I am

I never question my Size or my Weight
I'm Big and Beautiful
And still able to get Hot Dates.

I love me!
And a Big, Beautiful, Queen I am
Even if I'm not very Slim.

I love my Curves and my Big Golden Brown Thighs
No one can handle this if they tried.

I'm Big and Beautiful
What a honour it is to be me
Even if I don't have the Perfect Body.

I may be a Little Hippie with a Little Extra Meat
But men would consider this to be a Delicious Treat!

I may not have a Six pack or meet Society Standards
but this Big, Beautiful Sister can surely handle hers.

- Tracie Brown

Tagged - Hi 5 Meme

And the lucky number is 5 …

Okay, looks like I’m into the tag business again. Kayatan tagged me on this Hi 5 meme … so here goes

5 things found in your bag

1) My house keys … I try not to leave home without them. Otherwise I usually end up waiting till my mum gets out of the bath … coz no matter what time I get home on the days I forget my keys, that is the exact time when my mum is having her bath. Go figure …

2) An umbrella … as the saying goes, when it rains it pours … have experienced walking in the rain and getting totally drenched. Of course, I never managed to pull off that “wet look” like Bo Derek in the movie “10”.

3) A packet of tissue …. Ever had a day when you were sweating like a pig and had totally nothing to wipe the sweat off from your face? And you find it so tempting to just wipe your face on your sleeve or just lift your blouse and use it like a handkerchief.

4) I’ll lump all these under one item – lipstick, compact powder and comb … the days when I happen to forget my comb are the exact days when my hair gets blown all over my face thanks to a gush of wind.

5) A book … our public transport system is so “super efficient” that I usually have to kill time, so a book comes in handy (beats having to watch someone pick their nose)


5 favourite things in your room

1. My ever so inviting bed … every time I see my bed, I just want to lay down and take a snooze

2. My collection of books and magazines … JT now you know where most of the novels from that Central Market second-hand book store have gone to

3. My soft toys … Hey just because I’m in my 40s doesn’t mean that I can’t still be a little girl at heart

4. My collection of books and magazines . . . (yeah I know … but I have so many lah!)

5. My laptop . . . my latest extravagance


5 things you’ve always wanted to do

1. Write a book

2. Visit Italy and experience a holiday romance … if you can’t fall in love in Italy, then you definitely can’t fall in love anywhere else in the world (this is my theory lah!)

3. Go on a round the world trip with JT . . . it will be fun, just the two of us. Am sure we will have a whale of a time. Now all we need is the money!

4. Visit some exotic island in the South Pacific and write a book while I am there … have this theory once again, that I will be inspired to write a book when I’m relaxing in such a place.

5. Spend a couple of months doing missionary work in some poor country … have always wanted to do, and hope I will have the opportunity to do it some day


5 things you are currently into

1) Blogging
2) Reading
3) Free lance writing
4) Gardening
5) Taking life one day at a time


5 people you WANT TO tag

1) JT
2) Elviza
3) Winniethepooh
4) Princessjournals
5) Ms J

A tag for charity

I was tagged by JT who was tagged by Ruby Ahmad, who was tagged by Raden Galoh, who was tagged by Idham. Anyway, he is planning to compile as many tags/memes as possible by 26th August, for which every tag/meme, he will contribute RM127 to Darul Izzah Orphanage. The meme is about completing at least seventeen out of the following twenty seven sentences.

Okay looks like its time to finally join in the tag-game. I plead guilty to not having fulfilled my tag on previous occasions … sorry JT and Daphne, but since I was told by JT (who phoned me personally all the way from Germany) that this tag is for the benefit of orphans, I shall do my part as well. So here goes (prefer to do it with a touch of humour, though .. :)

1. A person is only as good as ... long as he/she does not hit his/her friends for a loan.

2. Friendship is always ... great while you still have money. Once you’re broke, your friends will dump you.

3. To love is to ... act like a walking, talking, breathing fool!

4. Money makes me ... wonder why I don’t have any.

5. I miss ... when I used to be a 36-24-36 (way back in the 80s)

6. My way of saying I care is by ... ignoring you and giving you lots of space to get over whatever it is that’s bugging you right now.

7. I try to spread love and happiness by... staying away from the rest of the world.

8. Pick the flowers when ... you discover that you have a pollen allergy.

9. To love someone is to ... make a complete, utter fool of yourself.

10. Beauty is ... when you manage to beat 50 other contestants and have the crown on your head.

11. When I was 13, what I remember the most was ... thinking what was the big deal in turning 13.

12. When I was 21, I remember... thinking what was the big deal in turning 21.

13. I am most happy when ... people I hate are miserable.

14. Nothing makes me happier than ... seeing that what goes around comes around.

15. If I can change one thing, I will change ... the way some people look and wipe those damn smirks off their face.

16. If smiles were ... a dime a dozen, then I … would be in abject poverty.

17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could ... have less dumb Presidents in some parts of the world.

18. If you want to ... flatter someone.. then you have to ... be absolutely good in “sucking up”.


19. Money is not everything but ... if you have it, then you can rule the world.

20. The most touching moment I have experienced is ... when my favourite character in a soap opera I was watching died.

21. I smile when ... I’m up to no good.

22. When I am happy, I ... make sure that others are miserable.

23. If only I don't have to ... do this damn tag ... then... I could be doing something else.

24. The best thing I did yesterday was ... shove that person who was trying to shove me while we were trying to board the bus.

25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title ... “FINALLY”

26. One thing I must do before I die is ... tell certain people what I really think of them.

27. Doing this meme, I feel like ... JT owes me big time! So I now pass on this tag to Daphne Ling. Have fun girl!

We all need a little magic

Yours truly was busy these couple of weeks in the world of Harry Potter. I had to persuade my nephew to lend me the entire collection and just managed to finish all 6 books today. Yeah, yeah I know … most of you are over and done with it and are eagerly awaiting the so-called final book which should be out next month.
Well, don’t forget that I’m the Queen of Procrastination, plus I’m the type of person who likes all the hype to die down before I venture into something … why be one the crowd?
Anyway I must say that I enjoyed the stories despite the fact that some of us have been warned by certain religious authorities of the evil lurking behind them. To me, they are just stories – something to while the time away and yes, maybe even a brief opportunity to escape into a world of fantasy.
How many of us have wished when things go wrong as they often do, that we had those little wands that we could use to make everything right again. How many of us wished that we could have a little “magic” to have that “oh so perfect life that we dreamed of”.
Yes, we could all do with a little bit of “magic” in our lives, and believe me its possible if we put our minds to it. I’m not talking about the “magic” of wizards, witches and fairies but I’m talking about the “magic” that resides in each one of us.
I’m talking about the magic of kindness, the magic of generosity, the magic of friendship, the magic of love, the magic of honesty, the magic of reaching out … and the list is endless.
If we can make just one person feel better by using the magic inside us, then we have certainly achieved a lot – we can erase loneliness, we can take away pain, we can bring joy, we can fill hearts with hope.
So who says we needs wands and spells to fill our lives with magic? We have the power, use it wisely and unselfishly – we could all use a little magic in our lives.

Who am I really?

“Describe yourself,” said the lady seated across me during the interview. Describe myself? What exactly am I supposed to say, I thought to myself. I’m sure she’s not asking me to describe myself physically – I am sitting right in front of her, so she knows what I look like.
Am I supposed to talk about my academic qualifications, my abilities, my hobbies and my work experiences? Well, they were already stated in my resume and she has just gone through them one by one.
This was truly an awkward moment. Here I was trying to “sell” myself as a writer and I was actually at a loss for words.
What am I supposed to say? How does one describe oneself in a situation like this? I remember vaguely mumbling something … there were pauses in between during which I was trying to rack my brains and think of something interesting to say. It was then that it occurred to me that I truly did not know myself. Ask me to describe my friends, my family, places of interest I have visited, my experiences, my favourite food etc and I bet you I can fill countless pages. But ask me to describe myself and I’m simply stuck!
How do I describe myself so that people can see what is inside my soul? How do I describe myself so that people truly understand who I am? How do I describe myself without the benefit of my qualifications and experiences?
This question has been plaguing me for the past couple of days. And I’ve been wracking my brains trying to think of an ideal answer.
I like to think of myself as a silent observer in this great game of life. I can see myself as a little girl watching from an upstairs window as a noisy and colourful carnival passes by in the streets below. I want to go down and be a part of the crowd, but I’m too nervous and too shy. I dream of being a part of the carnival, but I know that I can never match the talent and the beauty of the group, so I remain upstairs, safe and secure in my little room and contented to watch the carnival of life go by.
There are so many things I want to do in my life. So many dreams I’d like to see come true. So many ambitions I want fulfilled. There are so many places I’d like to visit and things I’d like to do, not only for myself but for others as well.
But for now, I’m still the little girl at the window – watching and waiting – dreaming that someday I too will be a part of the carnival and not a mere distant spectator.
Is the right way to describe myself? I truly don’t know.
And so the question remains, “Who am I really?”

Confessions of an ageing Drama Queen

I’m such a sentimentalist. I find it difficult to discard old stuff because I often attach so much sentimental value to it. It’s the same with my “friends”. When I get to know someone and decide to go a step further in enfolding them into my close circle of friends, it means that I really value them and care for them a great deal. I am there for them in their time of need, I am there to lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on … I don’t mind doing favours for them even though at times it may call for a lot of bending back on my part. If I know that they are depressed or upset about something, I let them know that I am there for them in case they feel like opening up and talking and never once have I turned my back on anyone.
I make it a point to keep in touch with my friends, even though we may not have seen each other for a while – I drop them occasional e-mails, text messages and the odd card now and then.
But these past few months have been a real eye-opener for me. I have discovered how true the adage “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone” is. I have been going through a slightly difficult patch these couple of months and suddenly I discover that my so called “friends” have turned their backs on me. My attempts to meet up with them for a chat or my e-mails and text messages to them have gone unanswered or even if they answer, its always filled with excuses as to how busy they are.
Suddenly people don’t want to know if you are having a problem. They pretend as if nothing is the matter. They have no time for you.
People who have time and time again asked favours of me appear to have just discarded me like a piece of trash. Now that I am no longer of use to them, they can’t be bothered about how I am or what is happening in my life. The feeling of betrayal hurts so deeply.
I have been such a fool to have been so trusting, so open and so vulnerable and I have learnt a very bitter lesson. No more will I allow anyone to hurt me or take advantage of me! From now on, this is one selfish bitch! And in the words of Simon & Garfunkel ......

I am a rock

I am an island

I’ve built walls

A fortress deep and mighty

That none may penetrate

I have no need for friendship

Friendship causes pain

It’s laughter and it's loving I disdain.

I am a rock

I am an island

Don't talk of love

Well, I've heard the word before

It’s sleeping in my memory

I won’t disturb the slumber

Of feelings that have died

If I’d never loved,

I never would have cried

I am a rock

I am an island

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me

I am shielded in my armour

Hiding in my room

Safe within my womb

I touch no-one and no-one touches me

I am a rock

I am an island

And the rock feels no pain

And an island never cries

So annoying..

We all have our own collection of irritations, injustices, and petty pretensions. I came across this gem of collections by Scott Cohen and I’ve selected the ones, I kinda agree on.

Don’t you just hate …..

1. That Barry Manilow didn’t write his hit song “I Write the Songs.”

2. Having to make that face to people in the hallway at work that implies “Hey.”

3. When you try on a garment in a store and think, I wish I could wear this – and then think, I can, I can wear this. So you buy it and never wear it.

4. That your requirements in a mate become stricter as you grow older, and your good looks wane, making it harder to attract even the mediocre people you no longer find acceptable.

5. When your nieces and nephews reach the age when they can distinguish a cheap gift from an expensive one.

6. That both Simon and Garfunkel went bald.

7. When a woman calls out “Thanks a million!” and waves as her car pulls away, and you realise that you just gave her totally wrong directions.

8. When your childhood friend who was always better than you at everything is still better than you at everything.

9. The tiny percentage of times that a song dedication played on the radio is actually heard by the person it’s being dedicated to.

10. The feeling you get when you clip your nail too far.

11. Having something valid to interject into the conversation of two nearby strangers, but knowing that society does not permit you to do so.

12. That men reach their sexual prime at 19, and women reach their sexual prime at 33 – but it’s far more common to see a 33-year-old man with a 19-year-old woman.

13. That by the time most people have saved enough money to travel the world, they are too old to endure the trip.

14. When your thigh rubs against a leather chair, emitting a loud, ripping noise, and every time you rub your leg against it again, in an attempt to make the same noise to prove to the public that it wasn’t a fart, it sounds nothing like the initial sound.

15. Parents who refuse to believe the negative things teachers say about their children at parent-teacher conferences.

16. Jobs where they try to make you feel better about your salary by giving you a meaningless title like Assistant Director of Postage.

17. The stunning speed with which marriage can destroy a lifelong friendship.

18. The lingering suspicion, each time you lather up with “2-in-1 shampoo plus conditioner,” that it isn’t quite as effective as applying shampoo and conditioner separately.

19. Being the last person on a long line that no one else seems to be getting on.

20. Wedding toasts that end up being more about the person giving the toast than the bride and groom.


To be continued …